Echoes of Why

Wrestling with an Angel....

Last night I got home from work and was watching this week's episode of  "Saving Grace".  There's a scene in it where Grace with physically wrestling with her Angel.  And this instantly "spoke to me" and started a thought process in my head...

I thought, "what if I've been wrestling with my own Angel"? And that made me tell myself, "you have got to get to know your Guide(s)".  I remembered the "Ask your Guides" cards that I got from Sonia Choquette and went to get them.

After meditating on my own Guides for a few minutes, I pulled this card:

"GRACE/HOLY SPIRIT"  -- pretty freaky, huh?  It says:

"The Holy Spirit is filling your life with grace and ease.  You're aligning with your purpose, and your discipline and focus are paying off.  Everything you touch seems to transform into prosperity and beauty.  This is more than luck; it's the reflection of the Holy Spirit flowing through you.  The more you surrender to this Diving Energy, the more you'll be gifted with synchronicity and flow.

Trust your immediate impulses and act on them without hesitation. The Holy Spirit is helping you make the right choices at the right time.  Your greatest challenge is to hold on to this joyous and natural healthy self-esteem and not allow others to throw you into self-doubt.  Believe in your dreams, your spirit, and yourself.  Pray for the strength to keep your focus clear and your heart open.  The Holy Spirit's message: 'Walk in grace. All is well."

There were other moments of dialog in the show that hit home with me too...

"I'm smart enough to know that I can't figure out God - but I see him working in you and whatever this is - it's a good thing".  (Her best friend said this to Grace.)

"There's something burnin' inside her and I'm afraid it's gonna burn her up." (Earl, the Angel, said this about Grace.)

Both of those statements resonate with me. I've been told that I have a light inside in me that has refused to succumb to the bad crap that has happened to me - AND that I do have a fire inside - I think that it's what makes me take my frustrations out in bad habits - something that I'm going to have to work on.

Overall, this is exactly what I needed to hear at this time. It feels SO very RIGHT being in school, studying to become a Psychologist - so I can help others "survive" and become happy people.  I just need constant reminders that everything is as it should be - to TRUST that everything is leading to my Soul's purpose in this life.

I also believe that everyone can be someone else's Angel - of the moment at least. Most of the time, we never realize it, but the little things we do (or don't do) might be helping another Soul to find their purpose.

Little things

I was just over at Chaos Wastes reading. I read question "Snoopy or Pluto"? and at that moment a commercial jingle came on TV "hang on SNOOPY"  - I think it was an ad for Universal Florida or something.  It got my attention though..

It figures...

Last nite at work, I spent 5 or so hours reading and learning about Indigo Children/Adults.  I learned a lot about myself. I think it's funny that I'm an Indigo child born in the "Summer of Love" who was named "Christine" for a reason.

Even funnier: I got into my car to go home and the song "Closer to Fine" was playing by the INDIGO GIRLS!

Hello..

Ok, flipping channels and found John Edward. Am I completely crazy to notice that whenever I need "a kick" - he comes along. (read previous about the strange connection with him).

So, he's talking.

"You're like a bon-bon. Hard on the outside and soft and squishy on the inside." "The part of you that you show does not match what you feel.

--the audience member that he was reading had no idea what he was talking about.. but I did.

I'm wondering if the reason my Guides showed me the name Christine wasn't because one of them is named Christine. I think it's more to tell me that I have all the answers (political tangent there) and they are there for the butt-kicking, so to speak. Well, I may not "know" all the answers, but I'm able to attract some clues.

Strange things are afoot!

I just happened to run across John Edward on TV tonite. There have been more than a few references to him this past 2 weeks. And a commercial for a show about 4 boys studying to be priests. An e-mail from the "Become a Life Coach" people. Email communication with a minister. An episode of Biography about Chris Farley - low self-esteem and addictive personality.

Today starts with getting my messages for my home phone, which I rarely do. The first message was from my first foster mother. I had sent a Christmas card with a note stating that I'd like to bring my kids out to the house where I grew up. Now that it's finally going to happen  - I'm questioning my motives. Is going back really for that reason? Or is it just me - needing closure and not wanting to let go.

My heart wants to thank them. For all the little things.. doing math flashcards with me, dumb things like that..and for the big things. My ego? wants to tell them how amazing life is and tell them a bit about my journey. And I think my subconscious little girl? wants to tell them how they could have helped back then. But that's a fairly easy one to argue. I KNOW that everything happens just as it should. That I needed to experience everything - every horror, every joy - in order to become who I am today and to learn the lessons that I needed to.

I want to tell them all about what traits my 3 boys inherited - good and bad. That should get more than a couple laughs!

I returned her call and left a message. Why was I so nervous? Is it still that little girl that wants to get everyone's approval in order to be loved? Eric once said to me that I always seems like I'm trying to "measure up". I argued with him of course! But I wonder if you truly ever get rid of your subconscious scars. Even though you're aware of the behaviors that feed them, you still function from there sometimes. But is it necessarily unhealthy? I do keep repeating to myself, "how does it affect the rest of your life?".  That keeps me grounded at least.

The past - Easter weekend 4 years ago I thought my life was over. It was my lowest moment. And God, how far I've come. I'm thinking of copying that whole saga, straight from my journals, into this blog. That should make me laugh!

oh boy...

Ok, I haven't been watching John Edward closely, but it's on in the background while I read and write..

I happen to glance up at the screen and I had no idea what they were even talking about. But there on that screen were two high school yearbook pictures of a girl and boy. The female looked itendical to a girl in my class named Karen B. The male in the picture looked exactly (and it was noticed first) like a boy named Les E.

Now, this guy Les wrote to me out of the blue a few months ago. I really have no idea why. And I have no idea at all what Karen B. has to do all this.

HaHa - John Edward just said the words, "did you blow the toy Poodle [out]?"  hehehehehe - sorry (doing the Beavis and Butthead laugh)....

Maybe...

I went with what came to me - led by John Edward.

"You don't validate yourself nearly enough. Give yourself credit for all you've accomplished". They are doing it for you from the other side. At that moment, I thought of someone I haven't thought about in years. This man was my second foster-father - for all of 10 weeks before he passed from lung cancer (I did say I was quitting right?). 

It was a warm kind of comfortable feeling.

John Edward

I feel my Dad.

John Edward said tonite that there are more people who connect with what he says in addition to those being "read". And in every reading he does about men, I think of my Dad. My biggest psychic experience so far. I think I'm reaching because this is different than that was. But it still feels nice to think of him at peace and nearby if I need him.