Last Friday night, while spending the evening drinking with the SO, I had a million random thoughts run through my mind. I did not have the laptop with me at his place so I got pen & paper (actually he RAN to get me pen & paper before my head exploded!) and I did it the old-fashioned way. It was a jumbled mess that no sane person could ever make sense of – LOL!!
At 5 am I woke up and started to distill all of those thoughts. Most of them had to do with fine-tuning what I think my purpose is in this life – I have a general idea but am always open to additional clarity so I can indeed find my bliss. (Intermingled with those thoughts were ones that specifically dealt with my new relationship, but I would like to make that a separate post, except for where they pertain to me fulfilling my purpose or following the wind of my Soul.)
It’s already been well-established that my Soul NEEDS TO TEACH!! Lately, I have been feeling that in addition, or in combination with that, I may be a Healing Soul as well. I know that I have been blessed with the gift of insight into other people’s subconscious behavior. I can see where their motivations come from and if I get to know them on a personal level, I can see, at times very clearly, why they function from this place. Sometimes they are not aware of it, as I was not just 8 short years ago - and sometimes they are aware of it. Some may want to change these behavior patterns but do not know how. Some may continue to deny that they have any “issues” from which them need to break free.
Fact: I seem to attract other “damaged” people into my life. And this is by no means intended to be an insult to them – it is simply a fact. I happen to believe that the most damaged people, myself included, are given the most opportunities to learn and grow – if they are fortunate enough to “wake up” - either through the help of someone else or on their own.
Another belief I’ve adopted is that people with the most traumatic lives have the most potential – not only for immense growth, but for eventually helping others. I wondered during the barrage of thoughts if Old Souls seek one another out. I believe that Old Souls advance through the necessary levels and stages and learn lessons at lightning (and sometimes insane) speed. The tougher the life, the more opportunities there are to learn.
The question is - can the human subconscious and ego get past the trauma to discover the knowledge that the Soul seeks? Can the damage to the human psyche be healed so the Soul can get on with its purpose? ABSOLUTELY YES!
This is where I come in and where I am coming to the conclusion that my bliss lies.
I think I attract these damaged individuals so that I can help them heal and get on with their purpose. I intuitively (from a place I cannot name) know what their damage is and what they need to do to heal. I used to approach it purely from a psychological perspective. And that still fascinates me beyond words. But lately, especially with people I have a deep connection with - I approach it from a transpersonal perspective – from a Soul-knowledge perspective.
Of course, THEY have to do the necessary work that needs to be done in order to heal the damage – I can only point them in the right direction and be there to support them as they confront their personal demons, move through psychological trauma and peel scabs off old and very deep wounds.
Shadow work is not fun, it is not always pretty, and is often extremely painful. But emerging on the other side of it is liberating beyond description. I had to go through this process alone – I think I needed to go through it alone. Sure, I had friends that I could call for support, to bounce ideas off, shout revelations and discoveries to when remarkable epiphanies occurred, but ultimately, I confronted my demons and damage alone.
There were times when I was reduced to a bawling, slobbering mess curled up in a fetal position on my living room floor (like I said, not always pretty) – but it was absolutely necessary in order to heal, grow, transform and become the person I was meant to be.
My greatest wish would be that no one has to go through it alone. I do not know if I want to help others through their shadow work by being a psychoanalyst though – I’m still working my way through that one because I have my most successful connections and breakthroughs with people I know personally on really deep levels. I do not know how to approach people I do not have that deep connection with. So would I be a successful therapist? And this brings me to what I wrote about at 5 am this past Saturday.
Side note: I would love to one day open a spiritual and psychological healing center with my prime focus being “Damage Control” – (LOL - I love kitschy names!).
I have discovered a warm and nurturing nature inside myself in the past several years that I never knew existed. Friends and family used to tell me I was warm but I never believed them – now I finally get it. When I feel deeply connected to another person (as in: a friend who uses me as their unofficial therapist), I want to protect them, help them heal and find true happiness and inner peace. I want this for everyone on the planet but with my friends, I get to tell them! And I have become quite the “sap” as of late!
The other day, I spent a few hours on the phone with one of my “patients”/girlfriends who has recently begun applying seeds of knowledge I planted 5-6 years ago. Back then, she denied that she had the subconscious demons I told her she did. Today, she recognizes and accepts them and she is learning, growing, transforming and it is amazing to witness! I told her that I wish I could shield her from all the pain that working through these issues can bring. I told her that I believe she and I have are definite Soul Sisters. I spewed (for over an hour) wisdom at her on a really profound level and I had no idea where it came from. THIS is what I need to be doing!
But here’s my current quandary (I will not say ‘question’ because I no longer have questions!): With her and other close friends who know my (ENTJ – The General) personality, I can get away with ‘bitch-slapping’ them into facing the truth in order to stop lying to themselves or simply to understand themselves better. When they need brutal honesty without sugar-coating, they know I’m the girl to go to!
But how do I use this personality successfully as a therapist to strangers? Sure, Dr. Phil can get away with it, but he’s not really doing one-on-one therapy and definitely NOT doing shadow work! I understand that every student I will encounter will learn differently - I understand and respect this. But I do not want to push too hard, but yet some students need just that.
I’m experiencing this with a person who has recently come into my life. I think that he is aware there are issues that need to be dealt with. I find myself tip-toeing and not knowing exactly how to “get in” without pushing too hard. I suppose it is simply because I do not know him well enough – yet. I remind myself to have Faith that I won’t push too hard and alienate him. That, if it is meant to be, I can be 100% ME, be true to my Soul’s purpose, with this personality and with the purest intention of helping and healing, and that he will not only tolerate it but openly embrace it, and grow because of it.
He and my girlfriend I mentioned earlier are my first two experiences with that pure intention. Granted, I still approach it from the perspective of “what can I learn from them?” but a shift has occurred in me where I am more concerned with helping them heal, helping them grow, helping them learn, helping them evolve, helping them awaken the divine within them and BECOME.
Becoming aware of this shift has been a huge epiphany for me! When I conveyed this intention to my girlfriend, it actually brought me to tears – of joy!
At the end of it all, I realize that I am ever-evolving, ever-becoming and it is the most amazing feeling and I am fully embracing it with an open and balanced mind and more importantly, an open and balanced Spirit!