Last night was amazing! I spent the evening at the boyfriend’s house – he cooked dinner, we drank, we started out watching another Peter Gabriel concert DVD but I came to the realization that he finds his inspiration visually but for me it comes from listening. I tried to watch, really I did – but words that Paula Cole was singing were “speaking” to me so all I wanted to do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics. Of course, I had to go look them up - and boy did I find inspiration – yep – the words were perfect for me at that moment (highlighted in red) – check some of the lyrics of the song “Shaking the Tree”:
Waiting your time, dreaming of a better life
Waiting your time, you're more than just a wife
You don't want to do what your mother has done
She has done
This is your life, this new life has begun
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day
Turning the tide, you are on the incoming wave
Turning the tide, you know you are nobody's slave
Find your Brothers and sisters
Who can hear all the truth in what you say
They can support you when you're on your way
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day
Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon, We are shakin' the tree
There's nothing to gain when there's nothing to be lost
There's nothing to gain if you stay behind and count the cost
Make the decision that you can be who you can be
You can be
Tasting the fruit come to the Liberty Tree
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day
Changing your ways, changing those surrounding you
Changing your ways, more than any man can do
Open your heart, show him the anger and pain, so you heal
Maybe he's looking for his womanly side, let him feel
You had to be so strong
And you do nothing wrong
Nothing wrong at all
We're gonna to break it down
We have to shake it down
Shake it all around
This was simple confirmation that I am in exactly the right place that I am supposed to be. That I have attracted people into my life that will support me as I follow my bliss and fulfill my Soul’s purpose – that they will learn from me and I from them. Pretty damn cool!
After this, I put on some of the songs that I’ve been listening to lately: sappy-ass love songs mostly. I had this whole scene worked out in my head about how I was going to communicate everything that I feel for him through these songs – but I had no idea how I was going to make that happen. But – as usual, it happened naturally and it was better than anything I could have ever imagined or planned! The lyrics spoke for us and to us and we bonded and danced around the living room. He even got blubbery and I kissed his tears. I asked him why he loved me and I got the most beautiful response: “Because you’re so easy – easy to be ME with” – way to make my heart melt!! I told him the same thing – I love him because of who he makes me BE! He told me he has never had anyone in his life that has accepted him unconditionally – and that it's AMAZING!
It has taken years for me to destroy the layers of concrete surrounding my heart – for a long time I didn’t think I was capable of being “warm & fuzzy” (even though other people told me I was). With him, for the first time ever, I feel FREE – free to be ME – free to give myself and my love completely and unconditionally.
Yes, we’ve only been seeing each other for 7 weeks – but this is not rushing, this is flowing. This is not unhealthy. This is so completely different than anything I have ever experienced before. I’ve waited a lifetime for this and it is so refreshing to NOT look for reasons to push him away or look for things that I can’t tolerate. For the first time since I began my shadow work and discovered that I had been living my life from a place of subconscious damage, I am actually comfortable with vulnerability – and THAT is fucking amazing!
I want to tell everyone that will listen that God gives us exactly what we need to evolve – in order to feel inspired enough to follow our bliss. The lessons are right in front of us – we just have to learn to acknowledge them and use the wisdom that is offered!
Another lesson he has for me – “teach, don’t preach” – he said this as I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone, reading those lyrics to her and started going on about what lessons she needs to learn.
At first, I think I got a little defensive when he said that because preaching is what I do – at least with friends – she even said “some people need preaching”. But then I tried to push ego aside and reminded myself that I do need to remember that everyone learns differently and I cannot use the same approach with everyone. If I hope to be an effective counselor/coach some day, I have to remember this – but for right now, I am attracting students that respond to me being a drill-sergeant – which is pretty cool because it is kindling a passion in me. When I see people “get” what I’m saying – when they have an “AHA” moment – it is a high I cannot describe. And it’s highly addictive!
WOOHOO! WHAT A RIDE! THANK YOU!
How cool is it that my boyfriend has inspirational scribbling & reminders on the wall of his computer room? I wanted to write on it too – I wrote, “THANK YOU! EVERYTHING – everything that I have at this exact moment is EXACTLY what I need – THANK YOU!”
Life just keeps getting better & better!
____ 5 minutes later: _____________
HOLY SHIT! I just had an “AHA” moment! Synchronicity at work, as usual:
I just finished typing the post above; I was going to reboot the PC so I had to close all my open programs. I maximized the word document of my Enneagram Compatibilities from Thursday night’s research. I started reading it and found this particular passage (God saying, well DUH!!! ):
“The basic emphasis of both types is distinctly different, however, with Twos being primarily interested in the welfare of others while Eights tend to be interested in their physical wellbeing and in having a distinct impact on their world, often with beneficial fallout for others.”
This is EXACTLY what I was saying to Sonya on the phone about those song lyrics! That it is all about ME – my purpose, my journey, my evolution and my divinity! And, as Mary tried to teach me last summer, that’s not a BAD thing! (Mary was a definite “reason” teacher, not a season or a lifetime – but what a great teacher!)
I told Sonya that it’s not a bad thing (and reminding myself) because the people around me get to learn, not only FROM me but sometimes WITH me, and that fulfills my purpose in some twisted fashion, if that makes any sense at all.
Recent Comments