Echoes of Why

Exposed...

Exposed

Vulnerable

Flayed open to my core

Raw – but no longer bleeding…

Invited

Foreign – yet welcomed

Accepted

EMBRACED!

Haven't done song lyrics in a while..

So - since I've been thinking about dating profiles... I ran across this song by Alanis Morrisette "21 Things I Want in a Lover"

This is exactly where I'm at in my life at the moment. Perhaps Alanis and I are a lot alike - I still can remember an interview of describing her spirituality - it gave me shivers. There are one or two items in this list that I don't require.

do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
do you have a big intellectual capacity
but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion
but enjoy it even though you are not apart of it?
are you both masculine and feminine?
politically aware? and don't believe in capital punishment?

these are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer

do you derive joy from diving in
and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny? à la self-deprecating?
like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

these are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer

i figure i can describe it since i have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things i choose to choose in a lover i'm in no hurry i could wait for ever
i'm in no rush cause i like being solo
there are no worries and certainly no pressures
in the meantime i'll live like there's no tomorrow

are you uninhibited in bed? more than 3 times a week?
up for being experimental? are you athletic? >br> are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?
...are you curious and communicative?

"Man game" - Part 2

I wonder if these guys on the dating sites actually take the time to "check out" someone they are interested in. Do they check other profiles, do they go at all beyond just their own site? I only ask because if anyone truly wanted to know me - Angels and demons - they could easily find it. Some are harder to find than others - but I'm pretty out there. I think that eHarmony has it right for the most part - but even at that place, no one is compatible with me; which is fine since I like variety anyway.

The next "candidate" involved Body mostly with a tug of the Soul: 28, Texan, "can't tell" photo, Mature Young man seeking Older Woman. Naturally, I went "ew" at first - thinking that it was the typical story. But then he said this, " love older women, because I find they have more to offer and they tend to be more in touch with their minds and their bodies."

I had to give him kudos for using the "minds" as well as the bodies. And then he added: "I have a thing for quieter types." SO NOT ME. And then the image of him in a D/s relationship. Gonna go with the intuition on this one, even though a part of me is curious, and devious enough, to want to bait him. (I love that feeling!)

Oh, gees, Eddie Izzard is on BBC - be back later!

Ok, let's continue: 53 from Virginia (a bit old), Gemini (ugh), Graduate degree, computer architect (smart and analytical) 6'4" (UGH!)

Favorite comedian is Robin Williams (good pick)  drives a Jag (sexy car).

Sounds like a fairly compatible man. But most of it seems somehow superficial to me - which can be important as well - I guess I can't quite put a label on what my intuition is "itching" about this guy. We'll see.

(Hey - this could be kinda like psychic reading practice. I should keep track of how much I get right.)

And then we come to this one: 6'4" Cancer Graduate degree, Engineer with hair from New York:

I'm an engineer and I enjoy my work very much, although it is very analytical and non-interactive. Hence, I'm a bit on the shy side, but I really do like to get to know people once I'm past that awkward introduction stage. To me, honesty, integrity, and trust are basic prerequisites for a good relationship, but inevitable struggles will always test the relationship. These tests challenge us to grow emotionally, spiritually, and in commitment. I'm looking to find that special person that can share their deepest soulful secrets while supportively embracing my own.  I'm pretty much toast at this point...

I'm looking for a tall, attractive, athletic, outgoing woman (2 outta 4 ain't so bad?) that shares enthusiasm for life, people, family, friends, and an active lifestyle. An energetic expert skier would be ideal. (not in my world) I'm attracted to independent, intelligent, adventurous women. (ok) Intelligent conversations that show deep caring for friends, family, and humanity are often more enlightening and interesting than the latest business buzz. (Good line)

I'm looking forward to possible chatting with this guy....

So, let's "make" my "perfect" man...

I thought I'd piece together snippets from these guys' profiles to  see just what speaks to me - Mind, Body and Soul...(and maybe a little bit of EGO)

44 from Michigan (no picture), athletic, some college:  I woke up and enjoyed the paper with a cup of great flavored coffee. Then I picked up my son and we went to my office for about 90 minutes. Then off to the golf course for a round with my son. What a beautiful day! Then I picked up my daughter and we went out for a nice dinner followed by the play Les Miserables. Now that was a great schedule for me.

This is how I spend my days while I am waiting to share them with you.

If you are flexible, love to travel, enjoy fine dining and a bottle of wine, keep reading. If you enjoy the movies with your best friend, long walks, sand between your toes and floating on a raft soaking up the sun...keep reading. If you enjoy the gym but are not obsessed with it, you enjoy a long bath, you enjoy a back rub while acting like you are watching TV, you like breakfast in bed, and you enjoy stimulating conversation...keep reading. If you like all or most of the above and above all pursue balance in every area of life, I am glad you kept reading. Now that you know what I am looking for, let me know what you have on your mind and on your wish list. (BMW - that one's for the EGO ---Earth Guide Only.)

Ok, sappy enough to let me have hope for men. Good use of the English language (whatta change). Oops, the smartass is out of the bag. Well rounded and perhaps artistic.Mind and Body mostly - the balance in every area of life - interesting.

Next: 35, California (why can't these guys be from Ohio, HA - forget I asked. Libra! ACTOR. No pic - what's up with that?

It would be nice to make some new friends - Hopefully in the Los Angeles Area (why does he want to correspond with me?) - someone sweet, creative, grounded, comfortable in their own skin - with a strong sense of self and spirituality. (sounds a little :) like me) I am a practicing Budhist (very cool, but he mis-spelled it)- I beilieve in the philosophy of "compassion" I do believe in God and we chat on a daily basis (ok - he's got my attention) - I am an actor/photographer and Director of membership for an International country club on the internet - Enjoy reading - Biography's - enjoy cooking - I love pizza!

Definitely someone I'd like to chat with. Very little mind. No Body whatsoever (well, except for that Libra thing) It's funny the way my Spirituality can completely shut down the Sexuality. And I think that's a good thing sometimes).

So, we're halfway through or so - and I'm only on my second beer! Gees, am I having fun!

I've truly had a blessed week!

Dating Woes

"Much unhappiness has come into this world because of things left unsaid." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Why is it that people just can't speak the naked truth?

You meet a man, you have a wonderful time on a date. He tells you that he wants to see you again in 2 days time. You're on cloud nine because this one really seems to fit and you had so much fun with him.

And then he doesn't call. You're driving yourself crazy wondering whether you should call. Will he think you're pushy or psycho? Why hasn't he called?

You e-mail him - he says he has made other plans. You're left wondering what went wrong. And why can't he just say the words, "I don't want to see you again."

It would be so much easier for sanity's sake.

This situation is not one I've experienced recently, but in the distant past. I'm not trying to make it seem like men are the only ones who play this game. And I'm sure they figure it's not a game and it's for the best.

I will admit to  not wanting to hurt a guy's feelings by blowing him off. That was until I had this done to me. Is it really that difficult for a man to tell a woman, "I just don't think we're right for each other."?

I've been told that men are afraid that a woman will get histrionic if they tell the truth. That women can't handle the truth. I'm sure there are women out there that will react in that way, as there are men as well (I've been there). It sucks.

But the alternative is worse. Single women have a hard enough time keeping healthy self-esteem. When they are blown-off without an explanation, it eats away at that. Negative thoughts starts filling their minds like, "I wouldn't want me either."

I can't stand to see my girlfriends go through this. It serves no positive purpose.

Why can't men just treat us with the respect that we deserve. When will they realize that we need to hear it? They may not - but women and men think differently and there's no denying it.

When this happens, we're left thinking that these men are wimps with no balls who are afraid to tell the truth.

I've been told, "you're too fat, you're too old, your kids are too young, you're too short, you too smart.." -  the list goes on and on.

I would rather hear this then be left wondering what went wrong.  I simply say, "next in line?"

Looking for Love?

There are so many dating websites out here and so many profiles.  I found this poem to be a unique way of expressing what you're looking for in a potential partner (can anyone tell me where to find one?)

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of
meeting your heart's longing. 

It doesn't interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream,for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!

I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own, without
moving to hide it, fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy,
mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful,to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.
I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be
faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and
if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on
the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and
bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like
the company you keep in the empty moments.

By Oriah Mountain Dreamer
copyright © 1999 by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Every Man needs to see this movie!

This morning's movie was Hook'd Up.

It's about a man who finally gets it - that most men just don't know what they want. And that until they are true to themselves, they can never be true with a partner.

It's a funny movie about the world of dating. 

Personally, I believe men are going to be obsolete unless they get in touch with their feminine side and learn to feel.