Echoes of Why

Now this is just damn freaky!

The new guy:

I thought it was "interesting" when we were going to and from the haunted house that we 'discovered' that we both had ties to Brecksville - the city. Cataloged that!

And again just now on the phone. Not only realizing that he has connections to my past pre-PTSD life,  but that are there are other similarities from later in my life - especially associated with things as recent (20 years) as my ex-husband. Interesting...

He doesn't "get" other men - I don't "get" other women. This makes me really curious. I wonder if our Souls knew each other previously, in another incarnation, as the opposite gender. The comfort level is practically other-wordly.

I fully believe, and stand behind, the belief that the "second chance lessons" in life have the MOST to teach you!

Well, duh!?

I was just catching up on So You Think You Can Dance - had it on pause for an hour while I ditzed around on MySpace and went where the floe took me. Listening to the wind of my Soul  - LOVE THAT!

I just now hit "play" on the TV and the song that the dancers are performing to is "Maybe God is Trying to Tell You Something" from The Color Purple! (It always comes back to dance with me!)

Well, DUH! When isn't the Universe telling me something??? No "maybe" about it - but you have to listen and NOT attach any human expectations or preconceived perceptions to the message. That's not always easy because well, we're HUMAN!!

But, when you get in touch with the innate divinity within you, you simply don't have to do that because it just flows - smoothly and comfortably.

I just found the meaning of life!!

I was cruising the 'net and was led to a site called "Listen to My Soul Song (Ananda Sangha). I bookmarked for further inquiry tonite at work.

Then I was led to a Yahoo question about the destination in life. There was a reply from someone who said it so succinctly. It explained "Ananda" and now I want to check out the other site now!

"The destination of life is to merge onself onto the supreme consciousness that is expressed in all the human beings in unit form.
This thing will give you the "Ananda" (the infinite pleasure) which everybody seeks in one or another form.
Death is just an stage and u can say a junction before which the consciousness expressed in you is in your body (the physical form) and after which either it goes onto another physical form or may unite with the supreme consciousness.
supreme consciousness often people refers to so called God.
and more scientifically it is not the thing to say and listen try to feel the thing....Go for finding your inner secrets...."

Enter Venus, Love!

THE VENUS TRANSIT: A CALL FOR GLOBAL ONENESS

Enter!




The darkest hours of night come just before the dawning of a new day. There is no question that Earth faces a tremendous crisis today.., a painful “dark night of the soul”, even the possibility of catastrophic obliteration.

Yet, according to the prophecies and calendars of many ancient traditions, this Age also represents a time of hope. We are moving into a time of evolutionary renewal, a time of global purifcation, even what some refer to as the dawning of a Golden Age!



The ancient Mayans developed a calendar syste..m that is very relevant to these times It can be seen as a cosmic timing code, and is prophetic in the sense.. that it reflects a deep under..stand..ing of long-term cycle..s of creat..ion. As evolutionary cycles of cosmic energies are absorbed into Earth"s electromagnetic fields via the Sun, human consciousness responds to these impulses in a predictable manner, following a cosmic pattern of dark and light.


The Mayan calendar describes the sequence and timing of these patterns.  According to this calendar, the year 2012 reflects the end of certain cycles of history based on duality and separation, and represents the birthing of a Golden Age of Enlightement.




Once we began to use the Mayan calendar to understand the deeper significance of world events today, this claim no longer seems as improbable as it may first appear Out of deepest darkness comes the greatest light In his studies of the Mayan calendar, Dr. Carl Johan.. Calleman points to a key event taking place now which might well serve to initiate this extraordinary opening to planetary light.





The planet Venus is rich in archetypal symbology It is often known as the Morning Star, the Bringer of Light.   It is related to love,human.. unity beauty, and oneness. On June 8, 2004, the path of Venus.directly crossed over the disc of the Sun, an eclipse lasting for the space.. of seven hours. The energies of Sun and Venus blend together, and as these blended radiations make their way into the Earth’s electromagnetic fields, it weaves the energies of love and unity into the mass consciousness of the planet, and potentially into the hearts of every man, woman, and child alive on Earth..!


Interestingly, Venus transits always come in pairs.  The second passage of Venus across the Sun’s disc takes place on June 6, 2012  The eight year period in between representsa “doorway” through which Unity consciousness will come to dominate the mass consciousness of the Earth.  Since this is a 130-year cycle, there are few humans alive today who have experienced this transit, yet it can be seen that every time this transit has taken place in human history, it has represented a new level of harmonization on the plane t It is interesting to note that the Taj Mahal, one of the greatest monuments to Love in human history, was built during the Venus Trans it of 1631-1639 AD!


The transition into Unity consciousness could be turbulent.As old structures.. of human.. consc..iousn..ess colla..pse, it may be accompanied by a degree of darkness and destruction.  This process should be seen in proper perspective .“When the light hits”, as Jose Arguelles, puts it, “the dark gets tough.”!


This current “door..way of Venus is especially significant because it remains open until 2012 AD, the completion our current cycle of human evolution Some referto this date as the end of linear time,or as the end of a period of human consciousness conditioned by separation and duality.The Mayan..s refer to this time as the Return of Quetzalcoatl, the Plumed Serpent, and look to this eight.year doorway as the time frame within which the mass enlightenment of humanity will take place

Kalki Bhagavan, a “mukti avatar” in South India, sees this doorway of Venus as the actual transition.. into the Golden Age. Although Venus transits happe..n on a regular basis, this is the first time in human histo..ry that an avata..r has been on Earth.. during this transit. Kalki says that rapid changes will take place on Earth beginning with June 2004.   His mission is to have 64,000 enlightened by 2010, and as they begin to spread it spontaneously over the next couple years, the entire planet will move into an enlightened state.


By the second Venus transit on June 6, 2012, Kalki promises that planetary enlightenment will be accomplished


Once this happens, Earth will become a paradise. The deep environmental, social, and political crises that plague us today will be instantly resolved. The human mind will undergo a structural change, and even our DNA will be transformed. As a new morpho genetic field of enlightened humanity replaces the thought sphere of greed, separation.., hatred and violence that pervades the Earth today, a new species will emerge.








We are calling people all over the world to observe the days leading up to this VenusTrans..it, June 6-8, as a time for opening to the bright impulse of cosmic energy that is streaming into the mass consciousness of Humanity.What are our highest dreams and hopes?  What is our greatest potential as divinely inspired humans? What can we creat..e together as we step into the “doorway” to the Golden Age?

June 6-8 is being promoted worldwide as the Call for Global Oneness, and we will continue building the momentum year after year until June 6, 2012Let us come together during this time in gatherings throughout the world to celebrate love and beauty, light and unity.   Let us work with these expansive cosmic energies to anchor them deep into the heart of Earth Mother, deep into the human collective consciousness.  Let us translate these energies into art, economics,culture, politics, education and ecology.  Let us bring trans..formation into every field of human endeavor

Let us pray, each in our own way, for the emergence of the Golden Age, for enlightenment for all, for peace, healing, and beauty on the planet! Le us pray for the unity of humankind

Please network this information widely
Please link up to
www. globaloneness. com for suggestions on what you can do, for further information on the Venus transit, to publicize any events you may wish to plan,or to receive information on events in your local.. area.

This will be a continually updated interactive website, and your input.. is welcome. We are invit..ing spiritual teachers from every.. religious faith,indigenous elders from everytradition, healers, artists, musicians,.. dancers, networkers, and organizers to join with us in cocreating the biggest spiritual event in human.history. As we move into this 3day global festival, we will be broadcasting live streaming images from Oneness Gatherings around the world.



Let us participate together to cocreate heaven on earth



By

Kiara Windrider and The Experience Foundation..
kiara@doorwaytoeternityom

Amusing Synchronicity!

Last night I listened to the Philospher's Notes on Ken Wilber because I was reading about his thoughts related to Transpersonal Psychology. Brian Johnson, the coolest-guru-ever, who started Philosopher's Notes, had reminded me to look it up. After listening and also checking out Ken Wilber's Integral Institute, I wrote back to Brian stating that I need to get to Berkeley, California (I have Palo Alto, CA planned already which is 1 hour away).

Then, I get in my car and the 90's channel is on Sirius radio. The song, "California Love" is playing. I thought that was kind of cute -no big deal. Until the next song came on and it was "HippyChick" - my cyber name on Facebook, MySpace, and just about everywhere!!

All I could do was laugh. I flipped the channel to the 80's station and "Faith" by George Michael was on. 'Nuf said!

Attracting my purpose....

I haven't written much lately - writing to no one in particular just doesn't motivate me these days. BUT... I was told last night that I need to write my brain droppings down!

Everything in my life lately has been about finding my comfort level with my purpose. Yes, the Law of Attraction is always at work, but I haven't been consciously working it. But it works any way - because my thoughts, my energy, everything has been focused on that. So... last night I realized that I have managed to attract exactly what I need - and that epiphany came to me like a lightning strike last night.

So, what is it that I've attracted into my life space?    STUDENTS!! 

Students who already have a foundational understanding of what it is that I have to teach - ones who have perhaps attracted a teacher into their life space!

It felt so good to just spew what little wisdom I've attained - and have them 'get it'!!

 

On telling my story..

A part of another article at Conversations with Master Jesus and Buddha: MJ is Master Jesus, TM is the author of the blog.

MJ: It's time to risk a new story.  I think you already have, but you're not sure whether or not you want to tell it.  What if you're wrong, right?  Then you've duped yourself and everyone else who believed you.  I've told it and others have told it.  It gets changed a little here and there so that it looks more like the old story to make it more comfortable for everyone.  So, I'll tell it again.

TM: Please do.  I'm willing to listen.  Is this going to answer my original question about loneliness?

MJ: Yes, and more.  Love is all there is in this universe. It is the meta-state.  Every other state of emotion you experience is either a reflection of love, or it is a state you have individually and collectively created in order to experience that which isn't love. Evil is the creation of humanity and is unreal.  It appears real because you believe it is as part of your collective agreement to do so.

You experience life one moment at a time on Earth.  You experience life on more than the Earth dimension.  The meta-state of love is on all dimensions.  You create within the realm of Earth during your incarnation here.  Your creation does not extend beyond this dimension.  You can choose to create with love or you can choose to create with that which is not love.  At the point when your creation is purely from love then your boundary of creation will expand.  That is the moment we are all waiting and working for.

The challenge of humanity is to synthesize all that is in your human nature with all that is in your spiritual nature.  Love is in both and will temper the fusion.  Give up your addiction to your own creation when it isn't in alignment with love.

Integration and disintegration...

I visited Conversations with Jesus and Buddha just now and was browsing through posts. This one makes so much sense to me at this point in my life. I think the lessons from this morning were the spiritual 'wrecking ball' that I needed to understand how to integrate my personality and psychology with my spirit. I am soooo done with that cycle - it's exhausting and frustrating. I am truly ready to move forward and all that has happened in the recent year and that is currently happening is about doing just that. And as I'm thinking this very thought, the songs "Changes in Latitudes" and "It's Been a Long Time Coming" come on. "with all of these changes.." and "a change is gonna come.." (player is shuffling through 4000 songs!)

Integration and Disintegration

TM:  I feel like for many years I have tried to integrate my human self with my spiritual self.  At times I feel I have reached some measure of success only to witness set backs in the form of failures in my life—failures to live purely in my convictions, or failures in relationships, etc.  How can we feel one moment in the complete bliss of integration and then later as if things have become unraveled?

Master Buddha:  There is a natural progression toward integration that includes disintegration.  It’s the same as when you try to affix one object to another and the seal is not set just right.  Maybe there is debris mixed in the seal.  Maybe there are gaps in the seal.  Whether it’s obstruction or space, the seal is not complete and can be easily pried apart with the least amount of stress to one of the objects.  Your human personality and your spirit work in a similar fashion.

Once you are inspired and begin to inquire about your spiritual nature you begin to receive information about spirit.  You begin to look at your human life through a new filter.  You begin to question your life and its meaning.  This is the beginning of integration.

Recognize what is happening even in this beginning.  There is a natural disintegration of your human personality, that is, due to new, incoming information from spirit your personality begins to fragment and parts begin to modify.  Some parts you may let go—destruction.  Some parts you may transform.  But what was before is no longer the same.  Disintegration within the personality has occurred.  At the same time, integration has begun between spirit and personality.  However minute that may be, it is an integration.

There is a series of cycles of integration and disintegration that occurs.  This may go on for a period of time until the tension resolves and you conclude that you have settled on a point of integration.  That is what you describe as the point of bliss.

That state persists for some time until there is a crisis, which disturbs that state.  New tension is created and you begin the cycle of disintegration—the tension must be resolved.  Suddenly you may realize that all the beliefs you adopted in your quest for spiritual alignment where somehow off.  You shed them as a snake sheds his skin.  Now you are disintegrating your spiritual concepts.

The process is one by which personality disintegrates, spirit disintegrates, the combination of the two in relationship disintegrates and then it begins a new cycle of integration.

TM:  So when do we know we’ve reached the final point of integration?  How long will this go on?  It’s tiring and almost maddening.

MB:  It is no different really that my opening example.  It continues until you have properly removed the debris or space between the two objects of integration.

TM:  Won’t there always be things we can’t or don’t know about ourselves, personally or spiritually?

MB:  This is the great challenge of enlightenment—when do you reach that point?  Who can know, perhaps one who is fully enlightened?  But how do you know who that is if you are not fully enlightened yourself?  Is that not the basis of faith?  Faith covers the gap between what you know to be true and what you don’t know.  It is the motivation to continue, because you believe in the process.

TM:  Makes me want to give up at times and say this is bogus, a waste of time.

MB:  Yes, and for a while you might do that.  That’s a point of disintegration between your personality and your spiritual self.  When faith or belief in the process can't be the salve to satisfy the tension, then abandonment is a choice.  That’s natural.

TM:  So, that happens, then what?  Why would I get on the treadmill again?

MB:  You may not.  You may decide to live from the perspective that your personality is all there is.  That the state of personality is all there is for everybody and that is your world.  You may find some new evidence that pushes you back into inquiry, which starts the cycle of integration and disintegration again.

TM:  I’ve done both of those things.  It’s wearing me out.

MB:  Yet it continues.  So, something within you pushes through the haze and says try again.  What pushes?

TM:  I don’t know, something happens and it starts again.  Maybe I should pay attention, but it seems like before I know it I’m inquiring again.

MB:  Well, let that be a mystery for now.  As you progress through the cycle maybe that is revealed for you.  Then it will be okay for a while until something else happens to disturb it.

TM:  So, basically you’re saying that it is a struggle forever and I’ll either engage the process or I won’t.

MB:  I’m not saying it’s a struggle forever.  I’m saying that it’s a struggle for as long as it is and that it doesn’t really matter how long it takes.  Until such time that your spiritual self can tap into its essence within your personality and transmute it into a reflection of spirit, you will go through various stages of integration and disintegration.  Your impatience may serve you to keep trying or it may persuade you to abandon the process.  Your choice.

TM:  Yeah, I always come back.

MB:  One simple truth is that you don’t really have a choice in the long run.  You can abandon the process for a while or you can push too hard and feel frustrated.  But your spiritual self is never dormant or absent.  Spirit isn’t time-constrained, as is your personality.  And that may be something you have to take upon faith.  Maybe you already accept that, but have to just not think about it for a while.  It doesn’t matter.  You will eventually resume the cycle.  That is the natural order of life on earth.

TM:  I feel like for many years I have tried to integrate my human self with my spiritual self.  At times I feel I have reached some measure of success only to witness set backs in the form of failures in my life—failures to live purely in my convictions, or failures in relationships, etc.  How can we feel one moment in the complete bliss of integration and then later as if things have become unraveled?

Master Buddha:  There is a natural progression toward integration that includes disintegration.  It’s the same as when you try to affix one object to another and the seal is not set just right.  Maybe there is debris mixed in the seal.  Maybe there are gaps in the seal.  Whether it’s obstruction or space, the seal is not complete and can be easily pried apart with the least amount of stress to one of the objects.  Your human personality and your spirit work in a similar fashion.

Once you are inspired and begin to inquire about your spiritual nature you begin to receive information about spirit.  You begin to look at your human life through a new filter.  You begin to question your life and its meaning.  This is the beginning of integration.

Recognize what is happening even in this beginning.  There is a natural disintegration of your human personality, that is, due to new, incoming information from spirit your personality begins to fragment and parts begin to modify.  Some parts you may let go—destruction.  Some parts you may transform.  But what was before is no longer the same.  Disintegration within the personality has occurred.  At the same time, integration has begun between spirit and personality.  However minute that may be, it is an integration.

There is a series of cycles of integration and disintegration that occurs.  This may go on for a period of time until the tension resolves and you conclude that you have settled on a point of integration.  That is what you describe as the point of bliss.

That state persists for some time until there is a crisis, which disturbs that state.  New tension is created and you begin the cycle of disintegration—the tension must be resolved.  Suddenly you may realize that all the beliefs you adopted in your quest for spiritual alignment where somehow off.  You shed them as a snake sheds his skin.  Now you are disintegrating your spiritual concepts.

The process is one by which personality disintegrates, spirit disintegrates, the combination of the two in relationship disintegrates and then it begins a new cycle of integration.

TM:  So when do we know we’ve reached the final point of integration?  How long will this go on?  It’s tiring and almost maddening.

MB:  It is no different really that my opening example.  It continues until you have properly removed the debris or space between the two objects of integration.

TM:  Won’t there always be things we can’t or don’t know about ourselves, personally or spiritually?

MB:  This is the great challenge of enlightenment—when do you reach that point?  Who can know, perhaps one who is fully enlightened?  But how do you know who that is if you are not fully enlightened yourself?  Is that not the basis of faith?  Faith covers the gap between what you know to be true and what you don’t know.  It is the motivation to continue, because you believe in the process.

TM:  Makes me want to give up at times and say this is bogus, a waste of time.

MB:  Yes, and for a while you might do that.  That’s a point of disintegration between your personality and your spiritual self.  When faith or belief in the process can't be the salve to satisfy the tension, then abandonment is a choice.  That’s natural.

TM:  So, that happens, then what?  Why would I get on the treadmill again?

MB:  You may not.  You may decide to live from the perspective that your personality is all there is.  That the state of personality is all there is for everybody and that is your world.  You may find some new evidence that pushes you back into inquiry, which starts the cycle of integration and disintegration again.

TM:  I’ve done both of those things.  It’s wearing me out.

MB:  Yet it continues.  So, something within you pushes through the haze and says try again.  What pushes?

TM:  I don’t know, something happens and it starts again.  Maybe I should pay attention, but it seems like before I know it I’m inquiring again.

MB:  Well, let that be a mystery for now.  As you progress through the cycle maybe that is revealed for you.  Then it will be okay for a while until something else happens to disturb it.

TM:  So, basically you’re saying that it is a struggle forever and I’ll either engage the process or I won’t.

MB:  I’m not saying it’s a struggle forever.  I’m saying that it’s a struggle for as long as it is and that it doesn’t really matter how long it takes.  Until such time that your spiritual self can tap into its essence within your personality and transmute it into a reflection of spirit, you will go through various stages of integration and disintegration.  Your impatience may serve you to keep trying or it may persuade you to abandon the process.  Your choice.

TM:  Yeah, I always come back.

MB:  One simple truth is that you don’t really have a choice in the long run.  You can abandon the process for a while or you can push too hard and feel frustrated.  But your spiritual self is never dormant or absent.  Spirit isn’t time-constrained, as is your personality.  And that may be something you have to take upon faith.  Maybe you already accept that, but have to just not think about it for a while.  It doesn’t matter.  You will eventually resume the cycle.  That is the natural order of life on earth.

Reading the signposts of LIFE...

"Prayer is you talking to God. Intuition is God talking to you."

ARE YOU LISTENING?

There is so much going on in my life! I've been busy reading the signposts -- the Synchronicity that surrounds me. I've been really tuned into them lately and that helps me attract what I want, and what I need, into my life. Life is grand!

I've been more active on MySpace lately - I reserve that site for my spiritual quest so to speak - I'm not there to pick up or to be picked up! I am having fun trying to figure out the "why" behind certain people entering my life - even if it is only through online messages.

I truly believe that everyone that we meet comes into our lives for a reason - do I have something to teach them or do they have something to teach me? I've learned not to overanalyze it like I used to years ago - it'll drive you batty! I approach each day, each new person with the attitude, "let's see where this path leads"

I don't think there are currently any detour signs or T-crossings on my particular path. I really feel that everything has fallen into place perfectly and I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. But that doesn't mean the path isn't very, very wide - with lots of room for diversions and fun along the way.

So, do you pay attention to the signposts along your path?

 

Levels of "fucked-up-ed" ness...

God it's been SO very long that (or at least it seems) since I've listened to the Universe....

My deepest thoughts, at times like these, happen on the toilet - hey, I've known great song writers that say the same thing! Anyway, today's deep thought:

The more classes I take online, the more people I get to meet. (Did I mention I love being back in school?) And in all 3 Psychology courses so far, I've met the most interesting people! It's made me realize that we ALL  have our own stories, our own histories, our own psycholgy.

And that in some way, we're all somewhat fucked up! I'm not saying that in a negative way at all! I've met people who, in my opinion, have overcome more horrible stuff than I could ever imagine, and yet, they say the same about me. It's all a matter of perception.

Today I was watching reruns of The X-Files - always knew there was a reason I loved this show! A couple episodes hit home and yes, I was looking for answers.

So back to being a matter of perception. This thought led me to the idea of just how interconnected we all are - humanity (if you don't see that jump, don't ask me, I don't understand it either.)

What I've learned in the last 6 months is that we all have "LEVELS" of fucked-up -ed ness. We each have our own experiences that shape our lives but yet, we all seem to have "shit" from our childhoods. Maybe I'm a quasi-Freudian, but I truly believe that during our psychological development, we absorb things that can last a lifetime - without our even being aware of it happening.

Such is the unconscious mind. We may not be able to control how this happens, because we're children - but as adults, we can perform miracles by asking one simple question:

"Is this behavior, thought-process, feeling - REALLY beneficial to me? Does it FEEL good? Does it CREATE good? And more importantly, Is this really really ME?

Something that I've learned on my personal journey is that if something doesn't feel "warm", then you might just be acting out of subconscious behavior. But that's a topic for another post and perhaps another class paper :-)

I believe that we all have the capabilities within ourselves to create our own happiness. I also believe that sometimes we have subconscious shit we have to clean up before we can truly achieve inner peace and to be able to tap into that creativity that lies dormant in us all.

It's never too late to be what you might have been!"

The Winding path...

Clicking thru the channels - found the movie "Kissing Jessica Stein". A scene in the movie is of the guy telling her that the only time he ever feels "happy" is when he's writing.....

Round 2 -  Same channel. "Alex and Emma" with Kate Hudson and Luke Wilson about a writer who need a stenographer's help to inspire him. He has to "dictate" his story to her in order to complete it. There's more to that one than I care to think about right now.  It would make me think about what might be missing. I've said many times the reason I haven't written a book is because I need an editor to put it all together!

The next movie has Kate Hudson in it too - wow what a shock! It usually happens this way. The next movie is her as Helen (Helen character in Jessica Stein movie) who gets guardianship of her sister's 3 kids. I definitely see a parrallel there - the custody battle, etc.

While watching "Alex and Emma" I popped over to http://www.thefutureminders.com/Daily/default.cfm

to read my biorhythm forecast. Actually tomorrow's forecast was very fitting:

Being open and truthful in all that you do now is an antidote to the vulnerability that you may feel. Sometimes inaccessible or hard to fathom, you tend to withdraw. Misunderstandings may arise, especially if you take too much for granted. Be aware of being misguided by those around you as well as misleading yourself. If your intentions are pure-not muddied by expectations of a desired result-encounters with others, real and imagined, dissolves all barriers between you.

And here's my Life Event forecast:

You have an opportunity to become more certain about your direction in life and the goals that you wish to pursue. Deep reflection on what you want to express to the world can bring answers, and although this usually is not a time to take action, decisions that you make now on objectives you want to achieve in the future can begin a process that unfolds on its own.

And on that note, I'm going to sleep.

Addendum to last post...Purpose in Pieces

So... I post that monstrosity and then I head over to MySpace to see what the 'wisdom of the day' is... check this out...! Questions answered....

"If you could only keep quiet, clear of memories and expectations, you would be able to discern the beautiful pattern of events. It's your restlessness that causes chaos."
~ Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj


Regardless of how crazy things may be in our outer experience, peace is always available to us. This is the value of spiritual practice: when life overwhelms, we can always return to meditation, yoga, art, music, skateboarding, or whatever best helps us reconnect with divine serenity...

Could be interpretted as just plain creepy. BUT... everything for a reason....

My restlessness causes chaos. THIS IS SO TRUE! Again, the Law of Attraction. And although patience will never be a strong characteristic of mine, I have learned, once again that answers will come if I'm just patient enough.

But... uh oh... here comes the brain.... I'm only restless when I feel stagnant. Come on Universe! Throw it at me. I hate sitting around waiting for the next opportunity to fulfill my purpose!

Just now the words, "Purpose in Pieces" popped into my head and I had to go and change the title of this post..

But thinking on that... I ask myself when do I feel the most at Peace. I know it's when I'm writing, when I'm helping give counsel, when I'm solving a crisis, when I'm listening to music, when I'm thinking about loving my kids.

So if  "Purpose in Pieces" is all I'm meant to have in this lifetime, I have to learn to accept the fact that it might not be one huge monumental purpose, but rather in pieces.  And I need to savor these moments and relish the lessons they teach me.

And that's more than a lot of Souls ever get.

Thank you.

A kick in the butt! Everything as it should....

Ok, so I said that I was going to write about the Synchronicity of the last few days while at work last nite. I found an excuse not to (DAMN those online games!) And then I said I would write when I got home. Found an excuse (DAMN DVR!) for that one too.

BUT.... The Universe sent me Synchronicity that kicked my ass off the couch - THANKS!

So let's start there....

I came home to drink beer and watch the Ghost Whisperer season finale - a running theme throughout the episode was, "Everything happened just as it should."

Wednesday culminated a few months' worth of  PURPOSE.

My 15-year-old son has been giving me a VERY difficult time the past few months.  He has never respected me, but he had never lied to me - as far as I believe.  And he is a good kid, an honor student who is excruciatingly shy and has chosen bad friends and made very decisions recently.

About 1 year ago, he started hanging out with a 17-year-old punk in the complex. I knew he was "trouble" from day one. Alex was 14 - why is a 17-year-old hanging with a 14-year-old? But then, I postponed judgement and remembered that I had always felt more comfortable with older friends when I was his age. The real trouble started when this punk dude Darryl started driving.

Suddenly, I didn't recognize my son at all. He started getting a ride to and from school. And then the defiance, the disappearing, the screaming and the lies. Visits from the cops, an eviction notice (which doesn't seem to bother him a bit).

Part of me saw what was happening but my "in the moment" response was to practice my "headbutts"  (I am the Goat in Chinese Astrology afterall!) with my son. Which led to more screaming and more lies and more of everthing bad. But wait, there's more!

About 3 months ago, Alex found this new friend, Josh, who was a good friend of Darryl's. Negative behavior tripled! Last Saturday, he disappeared for 7 hours and I couldn't go to work because I had stand guard at the door so he wouldn't leave.  I have threatened to call the cops, I've talked to them and social workers. I think talking to someone would really help him but all he does in therapy is sit there and refuse to talk. I wish he understood how much just talking can help.

Wow! I just got lost in that paragraph and my mind interrupted me by saying, "Happy Mother's Day"! And you know, it goes with the purpose - for now at least. Writing that paragraph made me realize that I need to talk to him.  Oh geez, I'm getting mushy....

Ok, I'm back. So, as to Wednesday....

It had been a strange week, my work schedule was bouncing all over and I was taking a nap on Wednesday when Alex came and asked me if he could ppplllleeeaaaasssseee go play basketball up the street. I was conscious enough to ask who was going. He told me  only Adam (a good kid? with a really scary father). I asked where. I asked if Darryl was going. I asked if Josh was going. He said, "Darryl might come later" but not Josh. OH - and that he and Adam are walking since I forbade him from getting in Darryl's car at all. I told him to call me at 5:15pm

He called at 5:30pm and asked for more time - just a little. To me, that meant 30 minutes or so - but my fault for not clarifying - I was half-asleep!

I got up at 6:45pm to get ready to go teach my dance lesson - and look for Alex. The basketball court is right up the road. I called his phone - he didn't answer. He called back @ 7:05pm and said that they were walking home.

I asked him where he was. He said, "on 84". I told him I just drove the whole section and didn't see him. It also sounded as if he were in a car and not walking. I KNEW that I'd caught him and he KNEW it too. I drove back down the road toward home and pulled in the first driveway, circled the block and there it was.......

DARYYL'S CAR! Darryl was in the driver's seat, JOSH was in the back seat, Adam was standing with the passenger door open. I pulled my car up a bit and parked in back of them. As I turned the car left, I see Alex lying on the ground crying. I was pissed to no end!!!!

I asked what happened, I heard Alex say, "I got run over".  Ok - not mad anymore - scared shitless would be more like it. I told them to get him in the car and I took off to the ER, which is just a mile away. Anger came back when I went to park my car - DARRYL pulled in behind me! I told him to  "get the f*** out of here" and to stay the f*** away from us. And that Alex's Dad was on his way and he shouldn't be around (for his own safety).  He said, "What the f***? I'm only trying to be a good friend".  To which I said:

"A GOOD FRIEND??????!!!!!! A good friend doesn't let Alex into a car he KNOWS he's not allowed in. A good friend doesn't ENCOURAGE  Alex to lie to his mother!!!!"

So, Alex is very very lucky. Turns out he was in such a hurry to get out of the truck (because he knew I'd caught him), that he exited before the vehicle stopped. His foot got run over.

He  only has a small break and has to wear the ROBOCOP boot for 4 weeks at least.  BUT... his mother and father had to sit (together!) in the ER for 4 hours (I do have to say we even laughed a couple times). Then pay for prescriptions. I had to miss 4 hours of work on Thursday to run him to the doctor, and also 4 hours on Friday for the same reason.  But he's a teenager - nothing he does affects anything other his little universe.

But after things calmed down and I decided I was DONE being angry - I simply can't have that in my Universe - I came to realize just how Synchronous it all was. The chances of me going looking for him in my car, the exact moment he called me back - gave me the exact amount of time to be there when the accident happened.

The past two days have had Alex home from school, and me NOT working. I have to admit, yesterday was kinda nice. We had lunch together and watched "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" - he's as competitive as I am. I even managed to sneak in a mini "chat" about addictive behavior; how because of my genes, he has to be extra careful because addiction is in our DNA. He asked me to explain. I did and it was nice.  (HA! as I sit here having a beer.)

I hope that he can see that these "friends" are nothing but "trouble magnets". And that he can have other  friends if he finds ones with common interests - not losers who get suspended from school and get kicked out of their apartments.

Today, with the help of the Ghost Whisperer and the Synchronicity - I'm feeling a fairly light-hearted about this moment in my life.

I feel a kind of peace that I can't describe but it's SOOOO nice and comfortable. I do know that this feeling is usually pretty short-lived. Then I go back to feeling like something is missing.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY CHRISTINE! And to all the other Mothers out there who admit that they lost their instruction manual :)

PEACE

A very fitting affirmation....

A very fitting affirmation....

I just finished writing a note to someone while focusing on my current problem of being "stuck" and then I read my e-mail. It contained my daily affirmation from Renaissance Unity: Saturday, March 31, 2007 - Growth "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." ~Eleanor Roosevelt Today's Affirmation I am filled with confidence, courage, wisdom and desire enough to do what is before me today. Today's Meditation Dear God, When there seems to be more going on in my life than I can manage, I have learned that I am trying to go it alone. The truth is, I am never alone--You are always with me. I know this to be true and yet, there are times when I seem to cling to old patterns that do not serve me. Help me release the ghosts and images of the past. I want to grow beyond my stuck and fearful places. Release me and all others from the consequences of the errors of my past. I am ready to move out from the shadows and into the Light. You call me to come closer, to rise up. I am ready but I am not sure of the next step. I seek Your will for my life and the strength to live it out. I seek a miracle. I rely, not on myself, but on You--expressing through me. I release this prayer, knowing that You have heard and are responding to me now. I gratefully let it be. Thank You.

A song I haven't heard in a while...

I have been having so much fun with music since I joined the 21st century and got a cable internet connection!!!

A song I haven't heard in a long time popped up - I actually liked it back when it was popular, but today - it tied into everything that has been happening the last week or so!

"Show Me The Way" - by Styx - I would say that this is what I've been praying for over the last 2 years, but I believe prayer is not for asking but for thanking -  so I will say I have been trying to attract the 'WAY' into my life.

AND THE MOST INTERESTING THINGS HAVE APPEARED THIS WEEK..... STAY TUNED!!