I have discovered recently that there is NO finish line. There is only being.
I used to feel as if I had some goal to reach, Something I had to do, someone I had to talk to, somewhere I had to be. I was young. I was evolving (and still am).
Right now I am simply here. I spent the day in this blog reading about me and my journey. (So many memories, so much time).
I now know that I expect too much from others (reiterated by my boss just this week).
I used to think that I was pushing "them" to be more. To be who they could be. But I read a post about how I hated when other people tried to put me in a box.. - so who am I to put them in one?
I had my time as the 'guru'. I have had 'friends' who came to me for guidance. And I learned from them while sharing what I had learned.
But it seems to be no more. I would love to believe that I helped them in some small way.
Life is a revolving door. People come and go. Sometimes they stick around and sometimes they don't. It would be nice if everyone lived by their words but humans are just human after all.
Like I said, I expect too much of others. I have come to accept the fact that no one but ME can meet my expectations.
And who am I to expect them to? How rude of me to put that on others.
But I keep doing it. I guess that's what I was doing last December when my 'BFF' got angry at me.
I can't be sure though because she never told me why she was mad. I tried to push and ask her what she was mad about but she avoided and we went on with dinner. Maybe I will never know.
Seven months later I still don't know why. I guess I have to accept that and move on but yet I still miss my "BFF". We used to joke about growing old, sitting in rocking chairs overlooking the beach. Now she's no where to be found.
It could be that she is on her journey and I am on mine and our paths are divergent.
It's very hard to let go but if that is how it is meant to be, so be it. I wish that I had gotten closure but I can & will live without it.
I am happy and content. I am in a relationship with a man who accepts me no matter what. Who wants nothing more than to be accepted. How perfect is that?!
We are both imperfect but yet we accept one another no matter what.
But I still miss my BFF.