When I started this blog 14 years ago, I was FULL of questions - What is the meaning of Life? Why am I here? Why now? Why this place? What is my purpose? Why this family? Why do I have the Life that I have? How can I find peace? If I do find peace, WHY? If I don't, why NOT?
Over the years, I have been given answers & wisdom. I will always have questions because that's who I am, but the big ones answered themselves simply by living and so, I no longer ask "WHY".
These pages and random spewings chronicle the evolution of my subconscious mind, my consciousness, and more importantly, my Soul.
Now I want to share the wisdom I received from many forms of Guides, Angels and Sages. I often share such with sarcasm, humor and in-your-face brutal honesty - so be prepared - but my intentions are always pure.
My purpose here is to simply shine my light on your dark corners. It is up to YOU to either battle or dance with the shadows that are created. Either way, I accept YOU, shadows and all!
"YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER DOUBT WHAT NO ONE IS SURE ABOUT". ~ Willie Wonka
Last night was amazing! I spent the evening at the boyfriend’s house – he cooked dinner, we drank, we started out watching another Peter Gabriel concert DVD but I came to the realization that he finds his inspiration visually but for me it comes from listening. I tried to watch, really I did – but words that Paula Cole was singing were “speaking” to me so all I wanted to do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics. Of course, I had to go look them up - and boy did I find inspiration – yep – the words were perfect for me at that moment (highlighted in red) – check some of the lyrics of the song “Shaking the Tree”:
Waiting your time, dreaming of a better life Waiting your time, you're more than just a wife You don't want to do what your mother has done She has done This is your life, this new life has begun It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day
Turning the tide, you are on the incoming wave Turning the tide, you know you are nobody's slave Find your Brothers and sisters Who can hear all the truth in what you say They can support you when you're on your way It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day
Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon, We are shakin' the tree
There's nothing to gain when there's nothing to be lost There's nothing to gain if you stay behind and count the cost Make the decision that you can be who you can be You can be Tasting the fruit come to the Liberty Tree It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day
Changing your ways, changing those surrounding you Changing your ways, more than any man can do Open your heart, show him the anger and pain, so you heal Maybe he's looking for his womanly side, let him feel
You had to be so strong And you do nothing wrong Nothing wrong at all We're gonna to break it down
We have to shake it down Shake it all around
This was simple confirmation that I am in exactly the right place that I am supposed to be. That I have attracted people into my life that will support me as I follow my bliss and fulfill my Soul’s purpose – that they will learn from me and I from them. Pretty damn cool!
After this, I put on some of the songs that I’ve been listening to lately: sappy-ass love songs mostly. I had this whole scene worked out in my head about how I was going to communicate everything that I feel for him through these songs – but I had no idea how I was going to make that happen. But – as usual, it happened naturally and it was better than anything I could have ever imagined or planned! The lyrics spoke for us and to us and we bonded and danced around the living room. He even got blubbery and I kissed his tears. I asked him why he loved me and I got the most beautiful response: “Because you’re so easy – easy to be ME with” – way to make my heart melt!! I told him the same thing – I love him because of who he makes me BE! He told me he has never had anyone in his life that has accepted him unconditionally – and that it's AMAZING!
It has taken years for me to destroy the layers of concrete surrounding my heart – for a long time I didn’t think I was capable of being “warm & fuzzy” (even though other people told me I was). With him, for the first time ever, I feel FREE – free to be ME – free to give myself and my love completely and unconditionally.
Yes, we’ve only been seeing each other for 7 weeks – but this is not rushing, this is flowing. This is not unhealthy. This is so completely different than anything I have ever experienced before. I’ve waited a lifetime for this and it is so refreshing to NOT look for reasons to push him away or look for things that I can’t tolerate. For the first time since I began my shadow work and discovered that I had been living my life from a place of subconscious damage, I am actually comfortable with vulnerability – and THAT is fucking amazing!
I want to tell everyone that will listen that God gives us exactly what we need to evolve – in order to feel inspired enough to follow our bliss. The lessons are right in front of us – we just have to learn to acknowledge them and use the wisdom that is offered!
Another lesson he has for me – “teach, don’t preach” – he said this as I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone, reading those lyrics to her and started going on about what lessons she needs to learn.
At first, I think I got a little defensive when he said that because preaching is what I do – at least with friends – she even said “some people need preaching”. But then I tried to push ego aside and reminded myself that I do need to remember that everyone learns differently and I cannot use the same approach with everyone. If I hope to be an effective counselor/coach some day, I have to remember this – but for right now, I am attracting students that respond to me being a drill-sergeant – which is pretty cool because it is kindling a passion in me. When I see people “get” what I’m saying – when they have an “AHA” moment – it is a high I cannot describe. And it’s highly addictive!
WOOHOO! WHAT A RIDE! THANK YOU!
How cool is it that my boyfriend has inspirational scribbling & reminders on the wall of his computer room? I wanted to write on it too – I wrote, “THANK YOU! EVERYTHING – everything that I have at this exact moment is EXACTLY what I need – THANK YOU!”
Life just keeps getting better & better!
____ 5 minutes later: _____________
HOLY SHIT! I just had an “AHA” moment! Synchronicity at work, as usual:
I just finished typing the post above; I was going to reboot the PC so I had to close all my open programs. I maximized the word document of my Enneagram Compatibilities from Thursday night’s research. I started reading it and found this particular passage (God saying, well DUH!!! ):
“The basic emphasis of both types is distinctly different, however, with Twos being primarily interested in the welfare of others while Eights tend to be interested in their physical wellbeing and in having a distinct impact on their world, often with beneficial fallout for others.”
This is EXACTLY what I was saying to Sonya on the phone about those song lyrics! That it is all about ME – my purpose, my journey, my evolution and my divinity! And, as Mary tried to teach me last summer, that’s not a BAD thing! (Mary was a definite “reason” teacher, not a season or a lifetime – but what a great teacher!)
I told Sonya that it’s not a bad thing (and reminding myself) because the people around me get to learn, not only FROM me but sometimes WITH me, and that fulfills my purpose in some twisted fashion, if that makes any sense at all.
The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational
Generally, Eights are strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent.
Eights get into conflicts by being blunt, willful, domineering, forceful, defiant, confrontational, bad-tempered, rageful, cynical, and vengeful.
At their best, Eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring.
Type Eight exemplifies the desire to be independent and to take care of oneself. Eights are assertive and passionate about life, meeting it head on with self-confidence and strength. They have learned to stand up for themselves and have a resourceful, "can-do" attitude. They are determined to be self-reliant and free to pursue their own destiny. Thus, Eights are natural leaders: honorable, authoritative, and decisive, with a solid, commanding presence. They take initiative and make things happen, protecting and providing for the people in their lives while empowering others to stand on their own. They embody solidity and courage, using their talents and vision to construct a better world for everyone depending on the range of the influence.
Most of all, Eights are people of vision and action. They can take what looks like a useless, broken-down shell of a building and turn it into a beautiful home or office or hospital. Likewise, they see possibilities in people, and they like to offer incentives and challenges to bring out people's strengths. Eights agree with the saying "Give a person a fish and they eat for a day. But teach them how to fish, and they can feed themselves for life." Eights know this is true because they have often taught themselves "how to fish." They are self-starters and enjoy constructive activity—building up themselves, others, and their world.
Eights occasionally take on big challenges to see if they can pull off the impossible or turn a hopeless cause into a great success. But they generally do not do so unless they are fairly sure that the odds are on their side and that they will have the resources to pull off a "long shot" and make it look easy. Others look to them in times of crisis because they know that Eights are willing to make tough decisions and to take the heat if things go wrong.
Honor is also important to Eights because their word is their bond. When they say "You have my word on this," they mean it. Eights want to be respected, and healthy Eights also extend respect to others, affirming the dignity of whomever they encounter. They react strongly when they see someone being taken advantage of or treated in a demeaning or degrading manner. They will step in and stop a fight to protect the weak or disadvantaged or to "even the score" for those who they feel have been wronged. Similarly, Eights would not hesitate to give up their seat on the train to an old or sick person, but they would have to be dragged away bodily if anyone tried to make them give it up without their consent.
Nothing much about Eights is half-hearted. They have powerful feelings and drives and often have a major impact on the people around them—for good or for ill. Eights are more intense and direct than most, and they expect others to meet these qualities as well. Indirectness of any kind drives them crazy, and they will keep pushing and raising their energy level until they feel that others have sufficiently responded to them.
Many Eights have some kind of a dream for themselves and their "inner circle," and being the practical-minded people that they are, this often involves money-making projects, business ventures, philanthropy, and the like. They may start and run their own business or set someone else up in a situation or simply play the state lottery on a regular basis. Not all Eights have a lot of money, but most are looking for some kind of "big break" that would give them the independence, respect, and sense of power that they typically want. They can also be highly competitive, enjoying the challenges and risks of their own enterprises. They are hard-working and pragmatic—"rugged individualists," and wheeler-dealers who are always thinking of a new angle and constantly have a new project underway.
Less healthy Eights can become extremely controlling, self-important, confrontational, and highly territorial. They may respond to others by swaggering and being willful, bluffing and "throwing their weight around" in various ways. Average Eights are full of bluster and bravado to get people to fall in line with their plans, desires, and although if they encounter resistance, they will try to control and dominate people more openly and aggressively. Whether they are running a multinational corporation or a family of two, they want it understood that they are firmly and clearly in charge.
In brief, Eights want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and independence, to be important in their world, to have an impact on their environment, to have the unquestioned loyalty of their inner circle, and to stay in control of their situation. Eights do not want to feel weak or vulnerable, to feel out of control, to be dependent on others, to have their decisions or authority questioned, to lose others' backing, or to be surprised by others' unexpected actions.
Their Hidden Side
Eights present a tough, independent image to the world, but under their bravado and layers of armor, there is vulnerability and fear. Eights are affected by the reactions of those closest to them far more than they want to let on. They often expect that others will dislike or reject them, and so they are profoundly touched, even sentimental, when they feel that someone they care about truly understands them and loves them. Eights may learn to harden themselves against wanting or expecting tenderness, but they are never entirely successful. No matter how tough, even belligerent, they may become, their desire for nurturance and connection can never be put entirely out of consciousness.
Eights are often sought out as partners because they appear so confident, capable, and strong. Others are reassured by their solidity and feel that the Eight will offer protection and stability in the relationship. (When Eights are healthy, this is true.) Eights also exude a great deal of charisma—they have tremendous instinctual energy and many people feel attracted to their intensity. However, other people may be frightened by the same qualities in Eights, and when Eights assert their energy too forcefully, they often create problems in their relationships. Some of their main trouble spots include the following:
Becoming self-absorbed and uninterested in others' feelings or problems due to feeling overwhelmed by their own feelings.
Overreacting to perceived rejection by withdrawing or losing their temper.
Pushing others to get a more "genuine" response.
Becoming remote and emotionally unavailable when troubled.
Becoming possessive and jealous of the partner.
Seeing the other as an inferior to be shaped and directed; not respecting the partner as an equal.
Acting out difficult psychological issues in rages, binges, or acts of revenge.
To learn more about the compatibility issues of Type Eight and their interactions with other types, see the Relationships and Compatablilties section of our free Members Only Pages.
The Passion: Lust
Eights want to feel intensely alive: they love the sense of immediacy they get from being engaged with life fully. They do not have much patience with lukewarm responses or half-hearted actions from others. But this desire to be vital and alive can easily deteriorate into a need to constantly push against the world—and especially other people. Eights get into the habit of exerting themselves and their influence, increasing the intensity of situations so that they will feel more real and alive. They become like a person aggressively trying to push a door open that opens inwardly. Unfortunately, this approach to life often overwhelms other people who then avoid the Eight, and it can lead to severe stress and even physical breakdown for the Eight herself.
At Their Best
Healthy Eights combine their natural strength and energy with measured, insightful, decision-making, and a greater willingness to be emotionally open and available to others. They make loyal friends and will make any sacrifice necessary for the well-being of their loved ones. They feel no need to test their wills against others: they are so secure and grounded in themselves that there is no need to constantly assert themselves much less to control anyone else. Thus, they have greater inner peace themselves and can therefore be enormous sources of support and strength for others. Seeing that they can be a powerful source of blessings in others' lives fills Eights with a deep sense of fulfillment and a kind of benevolent pride in their ability to have a positive impact on the world and on others.
High-functioning Eights are truly heroic, mastering themselves and their passions. They are big-hearted, merciful, and forbearing, carrying others with their strength. Courageous and strong, but also gentle and humble—willing to put themselves in jeopardy for the sake of justice and fairness. Very high-functioning Eights have the vision, compassion, and heart to be a tremendous influence for good in the world.
Personality Dynamics & Variations
Under Stress (Eight Goes to Average Five)
Eights usually respond to stress by taking problems and challenges head on. They are bold and assertive in pushing for control and for accomplishing their vision, whatever it might be. But this approach can leave them feeling beleaguered and overwhelmed. When stress levels get too high, Eights may suddenly switch tactics and go into periods of retreat or even isolation, like average Fives. They pull back from the front lines to assess their situation, to strategize, and to see how they can regain control. They may become strangely quiet, secretive, and isolated as they privately explore ways to deal with their problems. Under longer periods of stress, they may also develop a cold, cynical attitude about themselves, other people, and life in general, in the manner of less healthy Fives.
Security (Eight Goes to Average Two)
Eights will sometimes turn toward people they trust to be reassured about the other person's need for them. They have an emotional, even sentimental side that they show only to people with whom they feel safe. They may appear tough and independent in public while privately doting on key people in their lives or, if they lack these, then on their pets. They may also attempt to get intimates to acknowledge their help and support or may want people to depend more completely on them, like average Twos. Hidden feelings of rejection can cause them to seek ways to hold on to those few people they feel close to, including manipulation and undermining the other. Like average Twos, they also become unwilling to acknowledge their real needs or feelings of hurt with people on whom they depend.
Integration (Eight Goes to Healthy Two)
As Eights begin to recognize their powerful emotional armoring and see how much it isolates them unnecessarily, they naturally become more emotionally expressive and generous, like high-functioning Twos. Underneath their drive for self-protection and independence, Eights have big hearts and generous impulses. Once they feel secure enough to let down their guards, they discover how much they care about people and how much they want to support others. In short, they want to be a source of good in the world and to express their love—and at Two, they do so. Since they remain Eights, their love is expressed in palpable ways that actually help and support people. It is a love free of sentiment, clinging, or hidden agenda, and through it, Eights find the sense of empowerment and dignity that they have been seeking.
The Instincts In Brief
An explanation of the three Instincts can be found here, which opens in a new window.
Self-Preservation Eights: The Survivor (Ichazo's "Satisfactory Survival")
Self-Preservation Eights most live out the Eights' need for independence through the accumulation of power, position, and, sometimes, material wealth. That is not to say that all Self-Pres Eights are wealthy—most are not—but that this Variant seeks to have and to control whatever resources they can in order to maintain their independence and dominance. Thus, these Eights make shrewd business people and politicians and are extremely practical, approaching life with a tough-minded pragmatism they see as being simply "realistic." Often private people, their home is very important to them. Whether man or woman, the Self-Pres Eight rules the roost and is likely to control resources within the household. Positively, they are often excellent providers and have a way of landing on their feet no matter what life throws at them. Trouble spots include difficulty empathizing with the needs of others, especially if they perceive others as weak or ineffectual. Self-Pres Eights most typify the shrewd, pragmatic, wheeler-dealer aspect of this personality type.
Self-Pres types tend to be more grounded, practical, serious, and introverted than the other two instinctual types. They might have active social lives and a satisfying intimate relationship, but if they feel that their self-preservation needs are not being met, still tend not to be happy or at ease. In their primary relationships, these people are "nesters"—they seek domestic tranquility and security with a stable, reliable partner.
Sexual Eights: Taking Charge (Ichazo's "Possessiveness")
Sexual Eights are charismatic and emotionally intense: they seem to "smolder." These Eights seek intensity through relationship, and the ups and downs of their lives are often seen in terms of relationship. The Sexual Eight wants to "imprint" their significant other, to leave their mark. Whether they are dealing with love interests or are engaged in other activities, they enjoy the thrill of intense stimulation and can become addicted to adrenaline rushes. They often adore the people they are in love with, but they can develop problems from thinking of the other as a child that they want to shape and develop. Much of this comes from wanting the partner to be strong enough so that the Sexual Eight can relax and surrender themselves. Thus, they may provoke their loved ones in the effort to test their strength or to build it up. Similarly, they like to be challenged by the other, but this can deteriorate into a struggle for dominance in the relationship. They may resort to arguments or verbal sparring as a way of stimulating intensity in the relationship. Sexual Eights can also feel as though they "own" their intimate partner—that they have a right to satisfaction whenever they need it.
Sexual types need to have deep intimacy in their primary relationships or else they remain unsatisfied. They enjoy being intensely involved—even merged—with others, and can become disenchanted with partners who are unable to meet their need for intense energetic union. Losing yourself in a "fusion" of being is the ideal here, and Sexual types are always looking for this state with others and with stimulating objects in their world.
Social Eights: Gusto and Camaraderie (Ichazo's "Friendship")
Social Eights like to "live large," and as the name suggests, engage fully in the world. Friendship and loyalty are top values for them, and they are willing to make great sacrifices for the people and causes they care about. At the same time, they expect that others they have bonded with will be similarly loyal to them. (In this regard, they can resemble Sixes, although their energy is bigger and more direct than that of Sixes.) Often, Social Eights will gather a group of friends around them while unofficially acting as the chairperson of the group—the "king" or "queen." They enjoy conversation about sports, politics, rock music, or the latest events on their favorite soap opera—any subject in which they can boldly state opinions and get into debates about. Social Eights enjoy the banter and energy of a disagreement about such matters, and they are often surprised to learn that others can be hurt or overwhelmed by the force of their opinions. At such times, they may try to "tone themselves down," but they usually find this an uncomfortable compromise. More often, they seek out friends who they perceive as strong and independent, people who can take a bit of roughhousing and who will not be overwhelmed by them. Less healthy Social Eights have problems with making promises to people that they cannot always fulfil. Conning others, and exaggerating situations can become part of the picture.
Social types are the most concerned with doing things that will have some impact on their community, or even broader domains. They tend to be warmer, more open, engaging, and socially responsible than the other two types. In their primary relationships, they seek partners with whom they can share social activities, wanting their intimates to get involved in projects and events with them. Paradoxically, they actually tend to avoid long periods of exclusive intimacy and quiet solitude, seeing both as potentially limiting. Social types lose their sense of identity and meaning when they are not involved with others in activities that transcend their individual interests.
The Levels of Development
Below is the complete Levels of Development diagram for Type Eight. The levels range from most healthy, Level 1, to least healthy, Level 9. To understand these charts, start with the Basic Fear, at the top right of the chart. This fear gives rise to the Basic Desire, which is the Desire at the second level of health, the Level of Psychological Capacity.
The Desire of each level gives rise to the internal Attitudes (the A-Terms) of each level, which create the external Behaviors (the B-Terms). Over time, due to internal conflicts, these behaviors and attitudes create another layer of Fear at that level.
Each new Fear generates yet another desire at the next lower level, which gives rise to a new set of attitudes and behaviors, creating a spiral structure in which a person becomes increasingly enmeshed in self-destructive reactions and increasingly terrifying fears. The process of growth is to become aware of each of the cluster of attitudes and behaviors as they occur, bringing conscious awareness into the moment. As we do this, the underlying fears and desires also begin to emerge into consciousness, and the person begins to shift up the levels.
PERSONALITY TYPE EIGHT: The Challenger
Parental Orientation: Rejection with the Nurturing-figure
** Starting at Level 4 and lower, the italicized words at the end of the Attitudes and Behavior clusters are foreshadowing attitudes and behaviors found in the direction of Disintegration / Stress.
Personal Growth Recommendations for Type Eights
Eights grow by recognizing that the world is not a battleground to be approached as a gigantic test of wills. They do not have to see life as a "survival of the fittest," a titanic struggle that they must be constantly engaged in. They grow by recognizing that it is their attempt to defy the world and to force everything to bend to their will that is at the root of their problems. They realize that any real strength entails vulnerability and openness. They also learn that allowing more openness enables others to get closer to them and to support them in tangible ways. Eights grow by recognizing that more can be accomplished through cooperation and partnership than they can do by themselves or by constantly struggling to impose their will on others.
It goes against the grain, but act with self-restraint. You show true power when you forbear from asserting your will with others, even when you could. Your real power lies in your ability to inspire and uplift people. You are at your best when you take charge and help everyone through a crisis. Few will take advantage of you when you are caring, and you will do more to secure the loyalty and devotion of others by showing the greatness of your heart than you ever could by displays of raw power.
It is difficult for Eights, but learn to yield to others, at least occasionally. Often, little is really at stake, and you can allow others to have their way without fear of sacrificing your power, or your real needs. The desire to dominate everyone all the time is a sign that your ego is beginning to inflate—a danger signal that more serious conflicts with others are inevitable.
Remember that the world is not against you. Many people in your life care about you and look up to you, but when you are in your fixation, you do not make this easy for them. Let in the affection that is available. Doing this will not make you weak, but will confirm the strength and support in yourself and your life. Also remember that by believing that others are against you and reacting against them, you tend to alienate them and confirm your own fears. Take stock of the people who truly are on your side, and let them know-how important they are to you.
Eights typically want to be self-reliant and depend on no one. But, ironically, they depend on many people. For example, you may think that you are not dependent on your employees because they depend on you for their jobs. You could dismiss them at any time and hire other workers. Everyone is expendable in your little kingdom—except you. But the fact is that you are dependent on others to do their jobs too, especially if your business concerns grow beyond what you can manage alone. But if you alienate everyone associated with you, you will eventually be forced to employ the most obsequious and untrustworthy operatives. When you do, you will have reason to question their loyalty and to fear losing your position. The fact is that whether in your business world or your domestic life, yourself-sufficiency is largely an illusion.
Eights typically overvalue power. Having power, whether through wealth, position, or simple brute force, allows them to do whatever they want, to feel important, to be feared and obeyed. But those who are attracted to you because of your power do not love you for yourself, nor do you love or respect them. While this may be the Faustian bargain you have made, you will nevertheless have to pay the price that whatever power you accumulated will inevitably be at a cost you, physically and emotionally.
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Similar Minds Take a variety of personality test here and join a forum to find people with similar personality traits.
Personality Type - Do What You Are Guidance into getting to know people and finding happiness based on Myers-Briggs personality traits. Includes a survey with answers listed by type showing what is important to different "types".
TypeLogic Home Page Descriptions of the different personality "types" based on Myers Briggs Typology.