This is HUGE. Like I said I was at work. I was busy and actually wasn't online when I did have a free minute or two! I was enthralled with reading the literature I received in the mail from the college I want to attend for my PhD (see previous post). I was so excited and had such a feeling of 'oneness' with my journey. With God, you could say. So, I was in the right frame of mind to be 'led' - only I didn't realize it at the time.
Then I got online and pulled up some old correspondence from an interesting person in my life. There was one particular letter from him in response to my frustration with a very judgemental chaplain who was telling gay people they would be condemned to hellfire and eternal damnation. In his letter, he directly referred to Matthew 5:22 in the Bible. I made a note to go and look when I got home.
I got home, (made an after-work drink) and got my Bible out. I couldn't get the gist of that verse so I started off at the beginning of Matthew 5.
Lo and behold, a voice inside said, "You've been led to the beatitudes. Not even knowing if that was correct until I Googled it. I actually remember something from Catholic school!!The further I read, the more meaning I got from every verse. But before I give my interpretation of each, I have to tell you about a short distraction that gave me ideas about my journey...
In this same letter, my pen-pal mentioned that he is an INFP personality type. That made me want to investigate. I found a site that allows you to make a personality profile based on more than just the MBTI. So I played around a bit. I was almost apprehensive to re-take the MBTI test for fear that I would, once again, type as something other than an ENTJ. That was a confusing time in my life and I'm more ME now. So I retook it and thankfully, I still type as an ENTJ, perhaps not as rigid as I used to be. This has relevance to my ideas about the meaning of Matthew 5.
Once I recognized the beatitudes, I stopped and thought about how much I miss just reading the Bible. Screw the fiction book I've got waiting (it's been waiting a long time), this was FUN! I always did enjoy Bible study in the second foster home. AHA - another piece to the puzzle that is ME!
And on we go....
Matthew 5:14-18 -- "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is heaven."
Where to begin! At verse 15, I got distracted by thoughts about the college, the message, and the corresponding psychology behind what I believe to be Soul age (another post). Instantly the MBTI popped into my head and I saw the correlation between that verse and my personality type and that college! I SO belong there! And I WILL get there! Watch me. I'm an ENTJ afterall, when I put my mind to something... and now my Soul??? It's a done deal. Lately I'm flying through completions though. See my post about Mary explaining my speed to me.
WHOA! Deep distraction jumping in here (time for another color change)! LOL - LIVE and in color - evolution, or Soulvolution as I call it, happening right now!
I just read the verse 'and glorify your Father which is in heaven'. Finally, once and for all, accepting and understanding that Jesus Christ is my Master Teacher. Finding that blog last weekend that put all my beliefs into concise language for me was priceless! This led to a cartharsis of sorts because I can't believe I danced around it for so long. I still do on a 'language' level but I'm getting better. I need to really stop worrying about what other people might think or what their reactions will be and stand up for what I believe and know to be true. Matthew 5 also speaks of this.
I just got distracted thinking about my name. I told Mary about the time I asked to know the name(s) of my Guides and all the Synchronicity around me pointed to the name "Christine". Perhaps I am my best teacher! After finding out my birth father (there's some great genes!) wanted to name me Eunice, I suddenly liked my name! My mother probably had to get physically violent with him to name me what she wanted. I choose to believe (there's that dancing language again) that it was for a reason.
Next deep thought: Mary told me that perhaps one of my final lessons in this sprint to the finish line is to start considering what my purpose is in other people's lives. But it still comes back to me. Because when I learn a lesson, I can then teach others. I always said I was a sponge (Mary called me a sucuubus)!
And then she and I 'debate' whether being 'all about me' is a negative thing. The psychologist in me screams, "Narcisist"!! And the analytical side of me is yelling, "ENTJ" - it's all about being The General. And I realize these are just my excuses. If I just let myself feel it, I know it's a positive thing. I'm learning that a lot of what's holding me back on my journey has to do with the way I PERCEIVE things and the constant need to make everything bad or good, black or white. This is a topic I mentioned to the penpal the other day.
Mary has come into my life to remind me NOT to put "spin" on every single thing that happens. Yes, there's meaning behind it and lessons to be learned from everything but don't inject negativity into something completely neutral!
Mary understands these Soul types - the ones who are 'all about me'. She attracts them into her life (she's gotta figure out how I fit into her life - I'm too damn busy with ME) [God, I hope that came across as sarcastic and funny!] because she can keep up with them.
New deep thought (back to the Bible in a minute or seven): maybe, based on MBTI, I "need" to analyze things in order to evolve? God knows, as crazy as it drives me to not have 'definition' in my life on certain issues, I know it's about the journey not the destination. But it still drives me FREAKIN' BATTY! And I think a part of me needs that for motivation. Afterall, I did ask for an ass-kicker a while back...someone who will motivate me (watch less TV). I wasn't specific on the "how" so I didn't know where it would come from. (Mantra: don't know, don't need to know.) For me and my personality, motivation ALL comes down to stimulation. All facets of my personality have to be satisfied so that I can stay 'in tune' with that part of God in me. The part that talks to me when I'm quiet. (Hard to believe I actually can be quiet, but only if I'm alone with my thoughts and feelings and the phone doesn't keep ringing at work!)
And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.
Onto the whole "Teacher" thing and Matthew 5:14 and 15. I know to the bottom of my Soul that I was put in (I chose) this lifetime to teach. I'm discovering that I want people to be interested in my journey because perhaps if they can read or hear about their purpose in MY life, they might get clues as to what THEIR true purpose in this lifetime. Perhaps my true purpose is to help other Souls find their true purpose. It's all about reading the clues that are already there - and following where they lead you, and then sharing the message and the lessons learned.
And this led me to think about Dr. Wayne Dyer. The greatest teacher and probably one of the firsts on many levels. (I AM going to write that long-delayed letter to him!) Thoughts went to that college, and the mandatory internship. I thought about ENTJ. I welcome the Soul acknowledgement that I belong in front of a crowd. I haven't made up my mind on it yet, but how cool would it be to do my internship as Wayne Dyer's apprentice? What the hell? Why not? (Do not dare me - DO actually dare me, that ensures I'll do it!) Would that not be an avenue to allow my teaching light to shine? I've got a long way to go, but I feel like I am not meant to "teach" one person at a time. We'll see where what happens....
Taking a break now.