So eHarmony was having a free communication weekend. I did it - just to see if they had any matches for me at all (6 years ago they didn't have any!). Although that particular "door of life" is not one I'm sure I want to be knocking on at this particular moment in my journey. I have to remind myself that it's out of my control really. If it's meant to be, it will flow naturally and just happen. If I try to reach for it or manipulate it into something I think I want - the door will slam and it will be obvious.
Reminds me of the last time I did the online dating thing and the guy turned out to be a pathological liar! Talk about a brick over the head message to wake me the fuck up! Every single time "I" went looking - I scraped scum from the bottom of the proverbial barrel!! Not even kidding. How about the one that claimed to be the drummer from the band Great White and played me two songs that he said he recorded when they were actually recorded by Joey Lawrence. HOW DARE HE STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S ART! This was after he faked letters from pretend groupies, autographs from famous bandmates, and showing off his video of when he was on Jerry Springer - I shit you not! And he had the balls to tell me I was too fat for him (didn't stop him from enjoying the toturous blow/hand job I gave him)!!!
Anyhow....eHarmony still didn't find me any matches - which didn't surprise me with only 3% of the world being compatible with me. BUT - they do "flexible" matching which relaxes their "rules" a bit. To my surprise - I'm finding men that really know how to write what they feel. Some have a true gift for getting their point across in such a way that it makes you understand them instantly - at least from a psychological and perhaps a spiritual aspect.
You may have noticed that this post is a little more vulgar than I've ever been. It's a new year - I'm done compartmentalizing myself. This is the spiritual side of me... this is the sexual side of me... this is the mother part of me... UGH! It's making my head explode! I've decided that starting now - I'm going to be me (although 62lbs lighter). I can be a whole bunch of different roles - but I am going to stop pretending the others don't exist or putting them on hold. I AM ME - 100%. If you don't like it - so skin off my big nose.