I've been reading old posts - feeling nostalgic for the learning opportunities that I have experienced. I find that I need reminding of how much I've changed.
So, I just read my post titled "A History of Christine". I have to say, it's a pretty darn good story of my entire childhood (minus the graphics of abuse). You can get a glimpse into that little girls head and perhaps see WHY she is WHO she is. GOD! I LOVE PSYCHOLOGY!!!! More on that topic in a bit..
It's strange - In a HUGE way, I really connected to the moment right now. I just read a blog by Gaylen about "Finding Your True Self" - kind of ironic. He says that you can't really find your "true self" - it doesn't exist. That it's all fluid and constantly changing.
I am, at this very moment, becoming. Transforming into who'll I'll be in the morning, or who'll I'll be in 5 minutes. Everything affects everything, period. I choose to believe that there is purpose behind everything, so we are always left with the ability to CHOOSE.
I just had a "bathroom thought" - the best wisdom occurs there! The story about me - I NEED to finish the story up until, hmmmmm, maybe the age of 30. That's not an unrealistic goal... YES I'M TALKING TO MYSELF AND THAT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL :-) .... (I am my own best life coach!)
This got me on a roll. I felt the sudden urge to visit Evil Minx - a fellow blogger and true Soul-sister. I'm about to go find out if she's ready for rescue. (gees, why does my subconscious voice tell me that those words sound arrogant and will you please tell it to shut up? - see? It never truly goes away, it just gets easier to wrestle with over time - hey! DOES THAT COUNT AS A SPORT??? :-) oh, and yes, I'm talking to myself again - but my fingers are flying!)
So, back to Minx - we have so much in common, it's kind of freaky, but you all should know that I don't consider it freaky at all...
I'll spare the details, but this is ONE COOL CHICK - I've written about her before. What's the greatest about her is that she is the first "rescue-attempt" (a thing from Burn Notice on TV) where the person would actually be aware of the changes she has already been through and see the potential for future change - and actually do it! She is going to be just fine. I haven't seen this kind of fire and strength in anyone ever. But, if I can make her journey and evolution a little wiser, funnier and safer, then I will have achieved my purpose of the moment.
On a much lighter note (when I change color, I've taken a "thought-break"...
Minx has a link on her blog to take one of those quizzes that tells you what "book" you are, based on 6 questions.. http://bluepyramid.org/ia/bquiz.htm
Here's a snippet of my results: You're The Poisonwood Bible!
Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people, but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and tied to worthless perspectives.
How funny... Schizophrenic?? What just because I talk to myself :-)) The rest is pretty darn accurate.
My "looking for meaning" brain asks two questions of WHY I was lead here... the negative one would be if it means I'm being naive and that I really can't help people. I choose not to put faith in anything negative. The second would be, and I much prefer this meaning, that I can help the ones that truly want to be helped. And that I have to stop bashing my head into the wall with the ones that don't (even though I love them all dearly).
Ohhh. color change :-) Another reason I can't believe the first scenario is, and I've written about it before, the depth at which I really feel that I am a "teaching Soul". I could write about it a lot but words can't describe it.
I had a great thing happen concerning this... I am horribly bad at keeping in touch with people. But when the nerve strikes... so last Sunday, I called a bunch of people and FINALLY got in touch with my friend Jim. Now there's someone who could tell you some very interesting stories about my evolution!!
So, we talk for the usual hour-and-a-half and the conversation is about just how damn happy I am to be in school! Eventually, it turns to his schooling and his dream of being of a teacher. And then he tells me that I am meant to be a teacher. It was a great reinforcement message that kept me "high" for awhile!
Now THIS is cool... I was flying thru Cyberspace making new friends and found another Soul-sister. A quote from her blog about self-esteem and blogging... "By publicly telling and retelling a goal oriented narrative, you can actually build a new, positive identity." ~ 'Oprah Magazine' on Blogging
And that's all the reinforcment I need. Going to bed now.