“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how
anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.”
What makes you YOU?
I've been thinking about childhood "fear-of-rejection" issues and how it affects our adult lives.
I've been fortunate in that I was able to become enlightened as to just how much this was affecting my behavior, my thoughts, my subconscious - my whole life. And as a result, I was able to change the way I think and react and thus, change my life and find real peace.
Pondering the affects of rejection, I wonder if one major side effect is GUILT. It may seem like a stretch to say they go hand-in-hand, but let me try to explain.
If I'm doing something or acting in a particular fashion that I think (whether it's a subconscious thought or not) would cause other people to REJECT me, then I feel GUILT about doing it.
It's hard to put into words, and there might be no actual rejection happening at all - but the GUILT still creeps in.
It's common fact that childhood rejection (even imagined rejection) causes self-esteem issues. Well, if you grow up and incorporate into your psyche the feeling that you don't deserve happiness, you begin to experience GUILT when you feel even the least little bit happy.
We also don't feel that any of our characteristics could ever lead to acceptance so we never truly get to know the real "us" - we're too busy trying to be what someone else wants us to be so that we'll be accepted.
And the cycle of self-torture and self-sabotage begins:
We don't deserve happiness so our actions manifest in such a way that it keeps happiness always in the distance.
Another behavioral result of childhood rejection and/or abuse is the inability to handle "endings" and make definitive decisions as an adult. Our very existence as children was so out of our control that we want to over-control every part of our adult lives.
When one part ends or something that we like is taken from us, we can spiral into despair because we didn't have the ability to stop it from happening. We feel, once again, as a child with no control over our lives.
We cannot make decisions because we are constantly wondering "what if”. And even if we think one decision might be the correct one, if it leads to something good but yet we don't feel we deserve it, we may unknowingly sabotage that outcome.
The vicious cycle keeps enduring and we never find true contentment in life. I find this sad and wish I could tell others who have this kind of half-existence.
I'd tell them that it doesn't have to be like this. That you can BE happy and feel happy about being happy!
Changing subconscious "programming" is NEVER easy - but it is SO very worth it.
And by NOT CHANGING, we are still handing CONTROL over our lives to the very people who made us this way to begin with - and WHY would we want to do that when we strive so hard to control every aspect of our adult lives?