Ok, so I said that I was going to write about the Synchronicity of the last few days while at work last nite. I found an excuse not to (DAMN those online games!) And then I said I would write when I got home. Found an excuse (DAMN DVR!) for that one too.
BUT.... The Universe sent me Synchronicity that kicked my ass off the couch - THANKS!
So let's start there....
I came home to drink beer and watch the Ghost Whisperer season finale - a running theme throughout the episode was, "Everything happened just as it should."
Wednesday culminated a few months' worth of PURPOSE.
My 15-year-old son has been giving me a VERY difficult time the past few months. He has never respected me, but he had never lied to me - as far as I believe. And he is a good kid, an honor student who is excruciatingly shy and has chosen bad friends and made very decisions recently.
About 1 year ago, he started hanging out with a 17-year-old punk in the complex. I knew he was "trouble" from day one. Alex was 14 - why is a 17-year-old hanging with a 14-year-old? But then, I postponed judgement and remembered that I had always felt more comfortable with older friends when I was his age. The real trouble started when this punk dude Darryl started driving.
Suddenly, I didn't recognize my son at all. He started getting a ride to and from school. And then the defiance, the disappearing, the screaming and the lies. Visits from the cops, an eviction notice (which doesn't seem to bother him a bit).
Part of me saw what was happening but my "in the moment" response was to practice my "headbutts" (I am the Goat in Chinese Astrology afterall!) with my son. Which led to more screaming and more lies and more of everthing bad. But wait, there's more!
About 3 months ago, Alex found this new friend, Josh, who was a good friend of Darryl's. Negative behavior tripled! Last Saturday, he disappeared for 7 hours and I couldn't go to work because I had stand guard at the door so he wouldn't leave. I have threatened to call the cops, I've talked to them and social workers. I think talking to someone would really help him but all he does in therapy is sit there and refuse to talk. I wish he understood how much just talking can help.
Wow! I just got lost in that paragraph and my mind interrupted me by saying, "Happy Mother's Day"! And you know, it goes with the purpose - for now at least. Writing that paragraph made me realize that I need to talk to him. Oh geez, I'm getting mushy....
Ok, I'm back. So, as to Wednesday....
It had been a strange week, my work schedule was bouncing all over and I was taking a nap on Wednesday when Alex came and asked me if he could ppplllleeeaaaasssseee go play basketball up the street. I was conscious enough to ask who was going. He told me only Adam (a good kid? with a really scary father). I asked where. I asked if Darryl was going. I asked if Josh was going. He said, "Darryl might come later" but not Josh. OH - and that he and Adam are walking since I forbade him from getting in Darryl's car at all. I told him to call me at 5:15pm
He called at 5:30pm and asked for more time - just a little. To me, that meant 30 minutes or so - but my fault for not clarifying - I was half-asleep!
I got up at 6:45pm to get ready to go teach my dance lesson - and look for Alex. The basketball court is right up the road. I called his phone - he didn't answer. He called back @ 7:05pm and said that they were walking home.
I asked him where he was. He said, "on 84". I told him I just drove the whole section and didn't see him. It also sounded as if he were in a car and not walking. I KNEW that I'd caught him and he KNEW it too. I drove back down the road toward home and pulled in the first driveway, circled the block and there it was.......
DARYYL'S CAR! Darryl was in the driver's seat, JOSH was in the back seat, Adam was standing with the passenger door open. I pulled my car up a bit and parked in back of them. As I turned the car left, I see Alex lying on the ground crying. I was pissed to no end!!!!
I asked what happened, I heard Alex say, "I got run over". Ok - not mad anymore - scared shitless would be more like it. I told them to get him in the car and I took off to the ER, which is just a mile away. Anger came back when I went to park my car - DARRYL pulled in behind me! I told him to "get the f*** out of here" and to stay the f*** away from us. And that Alex's Dad was on his way and he shouldn't be around (for his own safety). He said, "What the f***? I'm only trying to be a good friend". To which I said:
"A GOOD FRIEND??????!!!!!! A good friend doesn't let Alex into a car he KNOWS he's not allowed in. A good friend doesn't ENCOURAGE Alex to lie to his mother!!!!"
So, Alex is very very lucky. Turns out he was in such a hurry to get out of the truck (because he knew I'd caught him), that he exited before the vehicle stopped. His foot got run over.
He only has a small break and has to wear the ROBOCOP boot for 4 weeks at least. BUT... his mother and father had to sit (together!) in the ER for 4 hours (I do have to say we even laughed a couple times). Then pay for prescriptions. I had to miss 4 hours of work on Thursday to run him to the doctor, and also 4 hours on Friday for the same reason. But he's a teenager - nothing he does affects anything other his little universe.
But after things calmed down and I decided I was DONE being angry - I simply can't have that in my Universe - I came to realize just how Synchronous it all was. The chances of me going looking for him in my car, the exact moment he called me back - gave me the exact amount of time to be there when the accident happened.
The past two days have had Alex home from school, and me NOT working. I have to admit, yesterday was kinda nice. We had lunch together and watched "Are you smarter than a 5th grader" - he's as competitive as I am. I even managed to sneak in a mini "chat" about addictive behavior; how because of my genes, he has to be extra careful because addiction is in our DNA. He asked me to explain. I did and it was nice. (HA! as I sit here having a beer.)
I hope that he can see that these "friends" are nothing but "trouble magnets". And that he can have other friends if he finds ones with common interests - not losers who get suspended from school and get kicked out of their apartments.
Today, with the help of the Ghost Whisperer and the Synchronicity - I'm feeling a fairly light-hearted about this moment in my life.
I feel a kind of peace that I can't describe but it's SOOOO nice and comfortable. I do know that this feeling is usually pretty short-lived. Then I go back to feeling like something is missing.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY CHRISTINE! And to all the other Mothers out there who admit that they lost their instruction manual :)