Echoes of Why

WOW! These girls are INCREDIBLE! (they must have quads of steel!)

Last night's lessons - Shaking the tree:

Last night was amazing! I spent the evening at the boyfriend’s house – he cooked dinner, we drank, we started out watching another Peter Gabriel concert DVD but I came to the realization that he finds his inspiration visually but for me it comes from listening. I tried to watch, really I did – but words that Paula Cole was singing were “speaking” to me so all I wanted to do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics. Of course, I had to go look them up - and boy did I find inspiration – yep – the words were perfect for me at that moment (highlighted in red) – check some of the lyrics of the song “Shaking the Tree”:

Waiting your time, dreaming of a better life
Waiting your time, you're more than just a wife
You don't want to do what your mother has done
She has done
This is your life, this new life has begun
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day

Turning the tide, you are on the incoming wave
Turning the tide, you know you are nobody's slave
Find your Brothers and sisters
Who can hear all the truth in what you say
They can support you when you're on your way
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day

Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon, We are shakin' the tree

There's nothing to gain when there's nothing to be lost
There's nothing to gain if you stay behind and count the cost
Make the decision that you can be who you can be
You can be
Tasting the fruit come to the Liberty Tree
It's your day - a woman's day
It's your day - a woman's day

Changing your ways, changing those surrounding you
Changing your ways, more than any man can do
Open your heart, show him the anger and pain, so you heal
Maybe he's looking for his womanly side, let him feel

You had to be so strong
And you do nothing wrong
Nothing wrong at all
We're gonna to break it down

We have to shake it down
Shake it all around

This was simple confirmation that I am in exactly the right place that I am supposed to be. That I have attracted people into my life that will support me as I follow my bliss and fulfill my Soul’s purpose – that they will learn from me and I from them. Pretty damn cool!

After this, I put on some of the songs that I’ve been listening to lately: sappy-ass love songs mostly. I had this whole scene worked out in my head about how I was going to communicate everything that I feel for him through these songs – but I had no idea how I was going to make that happen. But – as usual, it happened naturally and it was better than anything I could have ever imagined or planned! The lyrics spoke for us and to us and we bonded and danced around the living room. He even got blubbery and I kissed his tears. I asked him why he loved me and I got the most beautiful response: “Because you’re so easy – easy to be ME with” – way to make my heart melt!! I told him the same thing – I love him because of who he makes me BE! He told me he has never had anyone in his life that has accepted him unconditionally – and that it's AMAZING!

It has taken years for me to destroy the layers of concrete surrounding my heart – for a long time I didn’t think I was capable of being “warm & fuzzy” (even though other people told me I was). With him, for the first time ever, I feel FREE – free to be ME – free to give myself and my love completely and unconditionally.

Yes, we’ve only been seeing each other for 7 weeks – but this is not rushing, this is flowing. This is not unhealthy. This is so completely different than anything I have ever experienced before. I’ve waited a lifetime for this and it is so refreshing to NOT look for reasons to push him away or look for things that I can’t tolerate. For the first time since I began my shadow work and discovered that I had been living my life from a place of subconscious damage, I am actually comfortable with vulnerability – and THAT is fucking amazing!

I want to tell everyone that will listen that God gives us exactly what we need to evolve – in order to feel inspired enough to follow our bliss. The lessons are right in front of us – we just have to learn to acknowledge them and use the wisdom that is offered!

Another lesson he has for me – “teach, don’t preach” – he said this as I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone, reading those lyrics to her and started going on about what lessons she needs to learn.

At first, I think I got a little defensive when he said that because preaching is what I do – at least with friends – she even said “some people need preaching”. But then I tried to push ego aside and reminded myself that I do need to remember that everyone learns differently and I cannot use the same approach with everyone. If I hope to be an effective counselor/coach some day, I have to remember this – but for right now, I am attracting students that respond to me being a drill-sergeant – which is pretty cool because it is kindling a passion in me. When I see people “get” what I’m saying – when they have an “AHA” moment – it is a high I cannot describe. And it’s highly addictive!

WOOHOO! WHAT A RIDE! THANK YOU!

How cool is it that my boyfriend has inspirational scribbling & reminders on the wall of his computer room? I wanted to write on it too – I wrote, “THANK YOU! EVERYTHING – everything that I have at this exact moment is EXACTLY what I need – THANK YOU!”

Life just keeps getting better & better!

____ 5 minutes later: _____________

HOLY SHIT! I just had an “AHA” moment! Synchronicity at work, as usual:

I just finished typing the post above; I was going to reboot the PC so I had to close all my open programs. I maximized the word document of my Enneagram Compatibilities from Thursday night’s research. I started reading it and found this particular passage (God saying, well DUH!!! ):

“The basic emphasis of both types is distinctly different, however, with Twos being primarily interested in the welfare of others while Eights tend to be interested in their physical wellbeing and in having a distinct impact on their world, often with beneficial fallout for others.”

This is EXACTLY what I was saying to Sonya on the phone about those song lyrics! That it is all about ME – my purpose, my journey, my evolution and my divinity! And, as Mary tried to teach me last summer, that’s not a BAD thing! (Mary was a definite “reason” teacher, not a season or a lifetime – but what a great teacher!)

I told Sonya that it’s not a bad thing (and reminding myself) because the people around me get to learn, not only FROM me but sometimes WITH me, and that fulfills my purpose in some twisted fashion, if that makes any sense at all.

My Extended Enneagram Description: Type 8

Source: http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/extendedsample.asp

The Powerful, Dominating Type:
Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational

Generally, Eights are strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent.

Eights get into conflicts by being blunt, willful, domineering, forceful, defiant, confrontational, bad-tempered, rageful, cynical, and vengeful.

At their best, Eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring.

Recognizing Eights

Type Eight exemplifies the desire to be independent and to take care of oneself. Eights are assertive and passionate about life, meeting it head on with self-confidence and strength. They have learned to stand up for themselves and have a resourceful, "can-do" attitude. They are determined to be self-reliant and free to pursue their own destiny. Thus, Eights are natural leaders: honorable, authoritative, and decisive, with a solid, commanding presence. They take initiative and make things happen, protecting and providing for the people in their lives while empowering others to stand on their own. They embody solidity and courage, using their talents and vision to construct a better world for everyone depending on the range of the influence.

Most of all, Eights are people of vision and action. They can take what looks like a useless, broken-down shell of a building and turn it into a beautiful home or office or hospital. Likewise, they see possibilities in people, and they like to offer incentives and challenges to bring out people's strengths. Eights agree with the saying "Give a person a fish and they eat for a day. But teach them how to fish, and they can feed themselves for life." Eights know this is true because they have often taught themselves "how to fish." They are self-starters and enjoy constructive activity—building up themselves, others, and their world.

Eights occasionally take on big challenges to see if they can pull off the impossible or turn a hopeless cause into a great success. But they generally do not do so unless they are fairly sure that the odds are on their side and that they will have the resources to pull off a "long shot" and make it look easy. Others look to them in times of crisis because they know that Eights are willing to make tough decisions and to take the heat if things go wrong.

Honor is also important to Eights because their word is their bond. When they say "You have my word on this," they mean it. Eights want to be respected, and healthy Eights also extend respect to others, affirming the dignity of whomever they encounter. They react strongly when they see someone being taken advantage of or treated in a demeaning or degrading manner. They will step in and stop a fight to protect the weak or disadvantaged or to "even the score" for those who they feel have been wronged. Similarly, Eights would not hesitate to give up their seat on the train to an old or sick person, but they would have to be dragged away bodily if anyone tried to make them give it up without their consent.

Nothing much about Eights is half-hearted. They have powerful feelings and drives and often have a major impact on the people around them—for good or for ill. Eights are more intense and direct than most, and they expect others to meet these qualities as well. Indirectness of any kind drives them crazy, and they will keep pushing and raising their energy level until they feel that others have sufficiently responded to them.

Many Eights have some kind of a dream for themselves and their "inner circle," and being the practical-minded people that they are, this often involves money-making projects, business ventures, philanthropy, and the like. They may start and run their own business or set someone else up in a situation or simply play the state lottery on a regular basis. Not all Eights have a lot of money, but most are looking for some kind of "big break" that would give them the independence, respect, and sense of power that they typically want. They can also be highly competitive, enjoying the challenges and risks of their own enterprises. They are hard-working and pragmatic—"rugged individualists," and wheeler-dealers who are always thinking of a new angle and constantly have a new project underway.

Less healthy Eights can become extremely controlling, self-important, confrontational, and highly territorial. They may respond to others by swaggering and being willful, bluffing and "throwing their weight around" in various ways. Average Eights are full of bluster and bravado to get people to fall in line with their plans, desires, and although if they encounter resistance, they will try to control and dominate people more openly and aggressively. Whether they are running a multinational corporation or a family of two, they want it understood that they are firmly and clearly in charge.

In brief, Eights want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and independence, to be important in their world, to have an impact on their environment, to have the unquestioned loyalty of their inner circle, and to stay in control of their situation. Eights do not want to feel weak or vulnerable, to feel out of control, to be dependent on others, to have their decisions or authority questioned, to lose others' backing, or to be surprised by others' unexpected actions.

Their Hidden Side

Eights present a tough, independent image to the world, but under their bravado and layers of armor, there is vulnerability and fear. Eights are affected by the reactions of those closest to them far more than they want to let on. They often expect that others will dislike or reject them, and so they are profoundly touched, even sentimental, when they feel that someone they care about truly understands them and loves them. Eights may learn to harden themselves against wanting or expecting tenderness, but they are never entirely successful. No matter how tough, even belligerent, they may become, their desire for nurturance and connection can never be put entirely out of consciousness.

Relationship Issues

Eights are often sought out as partners because they appear so confident, capable, and strong. Others are reassured by their solidity and feel that the Eight will offer protection and stability in the relationship. (When Eights are healthy, this is true.) Eights also exude a great deal of charisma—they have tremendous instinctual energy and many people feel attracted to their intensity. However, other people may be frightened by the same qualities in Eights, and when Eights assert their energy too forcefully, they often create problems in their relationships. Some of their main trouble spots include the following:

• Becoming self-absorbed and uninterested in others' feelings or problems due to feeling overwhelmed by their own feelings.
• Overreacting to perceived rejection by withdrawing or losing their temper.
• Pushing others to get a more "genuine" response.
• Becoming remote and emotionally unavailable when troubled.
• Becoming possessive and jealous of the partner.
• Seeing the other as an inferior to be shaped and directed; not respecting the partner as an equal.
• Acting out difficult psychological issues in rages, binges, or acts of revenge.

Type Compatibility

To learn more about the compatibility issues of Type Eight and their interactions with other types, see the Relationships and Compatablilties section of our free Members Only Pages.

The Passion: Lust

Eights want to feel intensely alive: they love the sense of immediacy they get from being engaged with life fully. They do not have much patience with lukewarm responses or half-hearted actions from others. But this desire to be vital and alive can easily deteriorate into a need to constantly push against the world—and especially other people. Eights get into the habit of exerting themselves and their influence, increasing the intensity of situations so that they will feel more real and alive. They become like a person aggressively trying to push a door open that opens inwardly. Unfortunately, this approach to life often overwhelms other people who then avoid the Eight, and it can lead to severe stress and even physical breakdown for the Eight herself.

At Their Best

Healthy Eights combine their natural strength and energy with measured, insightful, decision-making, and a greater willingness to be emotionally open and available to others. They make loyal friends and will make any sacrifice necessary for the well-being of their loved ones. They feel no need to test their wills against others: they are so secure and grounded in themselves that there is no need to constantly assert themselves much less to control anyone else. Thus, they have greater inner peace themselves and can therefore be enormous sources of support and strength for others. Seeing that they can be a powerful source of blessings in others' lives fills Eights with a deep sense of fulfillment and a kind of benevolent pride in their ability to have a positive impact on the world and on others.

High-functioning Eights are truly heroic, mastering themselves and their passions. They are big-hearted, merciful, and forbearing, carrying others with their strength. Courageous and strong, but also gentle and humble—willing to put themselves in jeopardy for the sake of justice and fairness. Very high-functioning Eights have the vision, compassion, and heart to be a tremendous influence for good in the world.

Personality Dynamics & Variations

Under Stress (Eight Goes to Average Five)

Eights usually respond to stress by taking problems and challenges head on. They are bold and assertive in pushing for control and for accomplishing their vision, whatever it might be. But this approach can leave them feeling beleaguered and overwhelmed. When stress levels get too high, Eights may suddenly switch tactics and go into periods of retreat or even isolation, like average Fives. They pull back from the front lines to assess their situation, to strategize, and to see how they can regain control. They may become strangely quiet, secretive, and isolated as they privately explore ways to deal with their problems. Under longer periods of stress, they may also develop a cold, cynical attitude about themselves, other people, and life in general, in the manner of less healthy Fives.

Security (Eight Goes to Average Two)

Eights will sometimes turn toward people they trust to be reassured about the other person's need for them. They have an emotional, even sentimental side that they show only to people with whom they feel safe. They may appear tough and independent in public while privately doting on key people in their lives or, if they lack these, then on their pets. They may also attempt to get intimates to acknowledge their help and support or may want people to depend more completely on them, like average Twos. Hidden feelings of rejection can cause them to seek ways to hold on to those few people they feel close to, including manipulation and undermining the other. Like average Twos, they also become unwilling to acknowledge their real needs or feelings of hurt with people on whom they depend.

Integration (Eight Goes to Healthy Two)

As Eights begin to recognize their powerful emotional armoring and see how much it isolates them unnecessarily, they naturally become more emotionally expressive and generous, like high-functioning Twos. Underneath their drive for self-protection and independence, Eights have big hearts and generous impulses. Once they feel secure enough to let down their guards, they discover how much they care about people and how much they want to support others. In short, they want to be a source of good in the world and to express their love—and at Two, they do so. Since they remain Eights, their love is expressed in palpable ways that actually help and support people. It is a love free of sentiment, clinging, or hidden agenda, and through it, Eights find the sense of empowerment and dignity that they have been seeking.

The Instincts In Brief

An explanation of the three Instincts can be found here, which opens in a new window.

Self-Preservation Eights: The Survivor (Ichazo's "Satisfactory Survival")

Self-Preservation Eights most live out the Eights' need for independence through the accumulation of power, position, and, sometimes, material wealth. That is not to say that all Self-Pres Eights are wealthy—most are not—but that this Variant seeks to have and to control whatever resources they can in order to maintain their independence and dominance. Thus, these Eights make shrewd business people and politicians and are extremely practical, approaching life with a tough-minded pragmatism they see as being simply "realistic." Often private people, their home is very important to them. Whether man or woman, the Self-Pres Eight rules the roost and is likely to control resources within the household. Positively, they are often excellent providers and have a way of landing on their feet no matter what life throws at them. Trouble spots include difficulty empathizing with the needs of others, especially if they perceive others as weak or ineffectual. Self-Pres Eights most typify the shrewd, pragmatic, wheeler-dealer aspect of this personality type.

Self-Pres types tend to be more grounded, practical, serious, and introverted than the other two instinctual types. They might have active social lives and a satisfying intimate relationship, but if they feel that their self-preservation needs are not being met, still tend not to be happy or at ease. In their primary relationships, these people are "nesters"—they seek domestic tranquility and security with a stable, reliable partner.

Sexual Eights: Taking Charge (Ichazo's "Possessiveness")

Sexual Eights are charismatic and emotionally intense: they seem to "smolder." These Eights seek intensity through relationship, and the ups and downs of their lives are often seen in terms of relationship. The Sexual Eight wants to "imprint" their significant other, to leave their mark. Whether they are dealing with love interests or are engaged in other activities, they enjoy the thrill of intense stimulation and can become addicted to adrenaline rushes. They often adore the people they are in love with, but they can develop problems from thinking of the other as a child that they want to shape and develop. Much of this comes from wanting the partner to be strong enough so that the Sexual Eight can relax and surrender themselves. Thus, they may provoke their loved ones in the effort to test their strength or to build it up. Similarly, they like to be challenged by the other, but this can deteriorate into a struggle for dominance in the relationship. They may resort to arguments or verbal sparring as a way of stimulating intensity in the relationship. Sexual Eights can also feel as though they "own" their intimate partner—that they have a right to satisfaction whenever they need it.

Sexual types need to have deep intimacy in their primary relationships or else they remain unsatisfied. They enjoy being intensely involved—even merged—with others, and can become disenchanted with partners who are unable to meet their need for intense energetic union. Losing yourself in a "fusion" of being is the ideal here, and Sexual types are always looking for this state with others and with stimulating objects in their world.

Social Eights: Gusto and Camaraderie (Ichazo's "Friendship")

Social Eights like to "live large," and as the name suggests, engage fully in the world. Friendship and loyalty are top values for them, and they are willing to make great sacrifices for the people and causes they care about. At the same time, they expect that others they have bonded with will be similarly loyal to them. (In this regard, they can resemble Sixes, although their energy is bigger and more direct than that of Sixes.) Often, Social Eights will gather a group of friends around them while unofficially acting as the chairperson of the group—the "king" or "queen." They enjoy conversation about sports, politics, rock music, or the latest events on their favorite soap opera—any subject in which they can boldly state opinions and get into debates about. Social Eights enjoy the banter and energy of a disagreement about such matters, and they are often surprised to learn that others can be hurt or overwhelmed by the force of their opinions. At such times, they may try to "tone themselves down," but they usually find this an uncomfortable compromise. More often, they seek out friends who they perceive as strong and independent, people who can take a bit of roughhousing and who will not be overwhelmed by them. Less healthy Social Eights have problems with making promises to people that they cannot always fulfil. Conning others, and exaggerating situations can become part of the picture.

Social types are the most concerned with doing things that will have some impact on their community, or even broader domains. They tend to be warmer, more open, engaging, and socially responsible than the other two types. In their primary relationships, they seek partners with whom they can share social activities, wanting their intimates to get involved in projects and events with them. Paradoxically, they actually tend to avoid long periods of exclusive intimacy and quiet solitude, seeing both as potentially limiting. Social types lose their sense of identity and meaning when they are not involved with others in activities that transcend their individual interests.

The Levels of Development

Below is the complete Levels of Development diagram for Type Eight. The levels range from most healthy, Level 1, to least healthy, Level 9. To understand these charts, start with the Basic Fear, at the top right of the chart. This fear gives rise to the Basic Desire, which is the Desire at the second level of health, the Level of Psychological Capacity.

The Desire of each level gives rise to the internal Attitudes (the A-Terms) of each level, which create the external Behaviors (the B-Terms). Over time, due to internal conflicts, these behaviors and attitudes create another layer of Fear at that level.

Each new Fear generates yet another desire at the next lower level, which gives rise to a new set of attitudes and behaviors, creating a spiral structure in which a person becomes increasingly enmeshed in self-destructive reactions and increasingly terrifying fears. The process of growth is to become aware of each of the cluster of attitudes and behaviors as they occur, bringing conscious awareness into the moment. As we do this, the underlying fears and desires also begin to emerge into consciousness, and the person begins to shift up the levels.

PERSONALITY TYPE EIGHT: The Challenger

Parental Orientation: Rejection with the Nurturing-figure

 
 

** Starting at Level 4 and lower, the italicized words at the end of the Attitudes and Behavior clusters are foreshadowing attitudes and behaviors found in the direction of Disintegration / Stress.

Personal Growth Recommendations for Type Eights

Eights grow by recognizing that the world is not a battleground to be approached as a gigantic test of wills. They do not have to see life as a "survival of the fittest," a titanic struggle that they must be constantly engaged in. They grow by recognizing that it is their attempt to defy the world and to force everything to bend to their will that is at the root of their problems. They realize that any real strength entails vulnerability and openness. They also learn that allowing more openness enables others to get closer to them and to support them in tangible ways. Eights grow by recognizing that more can be accomplished through cooperation and partnership than they can do by themselves or by constantly struggling to impose their will on others.

• It goes against the grain, but act with self-restraint. You show true power when you forbear from asserting your will with others, even when you could. Your real power lies in your ability to inspire and uplift people. You are at your best when you take charge and help everyone through a crisis. Few will take advantage of you when you are caring, and you will do more to secure the loyalty and devotion of others by showing the greatness of your heart than you ever could by displays of raw power.
• It is difficult for Eights, but learn to yield to others, at least occasionally. Often, little is really at stake, and you can allow others to have their way without fear of sacrificing your power, or your real needs. The desire to dominate everyone all the time is a sign that your ego is beginning to inflate—a danger signal that more serious conflicts with others are inevitable.
• Remember that the world is not against you. Many people in your life care about you and look up to you, but when you are in your fixation, you do not make this easy for them. Let in the affection that is available. Doing this will not make you weak, but will confirm the strength and support in yourself and your life. Also remember that by believing that others are against you and reacting against them, you tend to alienate them and confirm your own fears. Take stock of the people who truly are on your side, and let them know-how important they are to you.
• Eights typically want to be self-reliant and depend on no one. But, ironically, they depend on many people. For example, you may think that you are not dependent on your employees because they depend on you for their jobs. You could dismiss them at any time and hire other workers. Everyone is expendable in your little kingdom—except you. But the fact is that you are dependent on others to do their jobs too, especially if your business concerns grow beyond what you can manage alone. But if you alienate everyone associated with you, you will eventually be forced to employ the most obsequious and untrustworthy operatives. When you do, you will have reason to question their loyalty and to fear losing your position. The fact is that whether in your business world or your domestic life, yourself-sufficiency is largely an illusion.
• Eights typically overvalue power. Having power, whether through wealth, position, or simple brute force, allows them to do whatever they want, to feel important, to be feared and obeyed. But those who are attracted to you because of your power do not love you for yourself, nor do you love or respect them. While this may be the Faustian bargain you have made, you will nevertheless have to pay the price that whatever power you accumulated will inevitably be at a cost you, physically and emotionally.

Examples

Martin Luther King, Jr., Franklin Roosevelt, Lyndon Johnson, Mikhail Gorbachev, G.I. Gurdjieff, Pablo Picasso, Richard Wagner, Sean Connery, Susan Sarandon, Glenn Close, John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Norman Mailer, Mike Wallace, Barbara Walters, Ann Richards, Toni Morrison, Lee Iococca, Donald Trump, Frank Sinatra, Bette Davis, Roseanne Barr, James Brown, Chrissie Hynde, Courtney Love, Leona Helmsley, Sigourney Weaver, Fidel Castro, Saddham Hussein, and John McCain.

A witness to Synchronicity - FINALLY!

Yesterday as I was chopping vegetables for a yummy salad, I had the 70's channel playing music on the television. I turned the TV off without changing channels.

In the evening, the boyfriend came over and we played cards with my son & his girlfriend until 11pm. He and I then decided to watch a movie so I turned the TV on. The song playing was "How Much I Feel" by Ambrosia.

We both just looked at each other and laughed - 4 days earlier, he had referred to that song and its lyrics to express how he felt at that moment.

I told him I was glad someone else noticed the Synchronicity!! And - to stick around because it happens ALL THE TIME!

Distilling my purpose....

Last Friday night, while spending the evening drinking with the SO, I had a million random thoughts run through my mind. I did not have the laptop with me at his place so I got pen & paper (actually he RAN to get me pen & paper before my head exploded!) and I did it the old-fashioned way. It was a jumbled mess that no sane person could ever make sense of – LOL!!

At 5 am I woke up and started to distill all of those thoughts. Most of them had to do with fine-tuning what I think my purpose is in this life – I have a general idea but am always open to additional clarity so I can indeed find my bliss. (Intermingled with those thoughts were ones that specifically dealt with my new relationship, but I would like to make that a separate post, except for where they pertain to me fulfilling my purpose or following the wind of my Soul.)

It’s already been well-established that my Soul NEEDS TO TEACH!! Lately, I have been feeling that in addition, or in combination with that, I may be a Healing Soul as well. I know that I have been blessed with the gift of insight into other people’s subconscious behavior. I can see where their motivations come from and if I get to know them on a personal level, I can see, at times very clearly, why they function from this place. Sometimes they are not aware of it, as I was not just 8 short years ago - and sometimes they are aware of it. Some may want to change these behavior patterns but do not know how. Some may continue to deny that they have any “issues” from which them need to break free.

Fact:  I seem to attract other “damaged” people into my life. And this is by no means intended to be an insult to them – it is simply a fact. I happen to believe that the most damaged people, myself included, are given the most opportunities to learn and grow – if they are fortunate enough to “wake up”  - either through the help of someone else or on their own.

Another belief I’ve adopted is that people with the most traumatic lives have the most potential – not only for immense growth, but for eventually helping others. I wondered during the barrage of thoughts if Old Souls seek one another out. I believe that Old Souls advance through the necessary levels and stages and learn lessons at lightning (and sometimes insane) speed. The tougher the life, the more opportunities there are to learn.

The question is - can the human subconscious and ego get past the trauma to discover the knowledge that the Soul seeks? Can the damage to the human psyche be healed so the Soul can get on with its purpose? ABSOLUTELY YES!

This is where I come in and where I am coming to the conclusion that my bliss lies.

I think I attract these damaged individuals so that I can help them heal and get on with their purpose. I intuitively (from a place I cannot name) know what their damage is and what they need to do to heal. I used to approach it purely from a psychological perspective. And that still fascinates me beyond words. But lately, especially with people I have a deep connection with - I approach it from a transpersonal perspective – from a Soul-knowledge perspective.

Of course, THEY have to do the necessary work that needs to be done in order to heal the damage – I can only point them in the right direction and be there to support them as they confront their personal demons, move through psychological trauma and peel scabs off old and very deep wounds.

Shadow work is not fun, it is not always pretty, and is often extremely painful. But emerging on the other side of it is liberating beyond description. I had to go through this process alone – I think I needed to go through it alone. Sure, I had friends that I could call for support, to bounce ideas off, shout revelations and discoveries to when remarkable epiphanies occurred, but ultimately, I confronted my demons and damage alone.

There were times when I was reduced to a bawling, slobbering mess curled up in a fetal position on my living room floor (like I said, not always pretty) – but it was absolutely necessary in order to heal, grow, transform and become the person I was meant to be.

My greatest wish would be that no one has to go through it alone. I do not know if I want to help others through their shadow work by being a psychoanalyst though – I’m still working my way through that one because I have my most successful connections and breakthroughs with people I know personally on really deep levels. I do not know how to approach people I do not have that deep connection with. So would I be a successful therapist? And this brings me to what I wrote about at 5 am this past Saturday.

Side note: I would love to one day open a spiritual and psychological healing center with my prime focus being “Damage Control” – (LOL - I love kitschy names!).

I have discovered a warm and nurturing nature inside myself in the past several years that I never knew existed. Friends and family used to tell me I was warm but I never believed them – now I finally get it. When I feel deeply connected to another person (as in: a friend who uses me as their unofficial therapist), I want to protect them, help them heal and find true happiness and inner peace. I want this for everyone on the planet but with my friends, I get to tell them! And I have become quite the “sap” as of late!

The other day, I spent a few hours on the phone with one of my “patients”/girlfriends who has recently begun applying seeds of knowledge I planted 5-6 years ago. Back then, she denied that she had the subconscious demons I told her she did. Today, she recognizes and accepts them and she is learning, growing, transforming and it is amazing to witness! I told her that I wish I could shield her from all the pain that working through these issues can bring. I told her that I believe she and I have are definite Soul Sisters. I spewed (for over an hour) wisdom at her on a really profound level and I had no idea where it came from. THIS is what I need to be doing!

But here’s my current quandary (I will not say ‘question’ because I no longer have questions!): With her and other close friends who know my (ENTJ – The General) personality, I can get away with ‘bitch-slapping’ them into facing the truth in order to stop lying to themselves or simply to understand themselves better. When they need brutal honesty without sugar-coating, they know I’m the girl to go to!

But how do I use this personality successfully as a therapist to strangers? Sure, Dr. Phil can get away with it, but he’s not really doing one-on-one therapy and definitely NOT doing shadow work! I understand that every student I will encounter will learn differently - I understand and respect this. But I do not want to push too hard, but yet some students need just that.

I’m experiencing this with a person who has recently come into my life. I think that he is aware there are issues that need to be dealt with. I find myself tip-toeing and not knowing exactly how to “get in” without pushing too hard. I suppose it is simply because I do not know him well enough – yet. I remind myself to have Faith that I won’t push too hard and alienate him. That, if it is meant to be, I can be 100% ME, be true to my Soul’s purpose, with this personality and with the purest intention of helping and healing, and that he will not only tolerate it but openly embrace it, and grow because of it.

He and my girlfriend I mentioned earlier are my first two experiences with that pure intention. Granted, I still approach it from the perspective of “what can I learn from them?” but a shift has occurred in me where I am more concerned with helping them heal, helping them grow, helping them learn, helping them evolve, helping them awaken the divine within them and BECOME.

Becoming aware of this shift has been a huge epiphany for me! When I conveyed this intention to my girlfriend, it actually brought me to tears – of joy!

At the end of it all, I realize that I am ever-evolving, ever-becoming and it is the most amazing feeling and I am fully embracing it with an open and balanced mind and more importantly, an open and balanced Spirit!

Current lesson in my life: Equanimity!

The current theme wherever I wander is Equanimity – which literally means "balanced mind" or learning to NOT have preconceived expectations of specific circumstances. I had to learn the hard way (as usual) that whenever I do have a scene all worked out in my head, things don’t just go the exact opposite as I had planned - they go HORRIBLY, TERRIBLY WRONG!!

So I have learned to remain detached, even though it is still something that I have to consciously work on every day. I didn’t even realize this had a name but I’m running into it in many places: Equanimity. Brian Johnson of Philosopher’s Notes wrote in a blog from September that it is “remaining unattached to outcomes and finding my center when things didn’t go as planned/desired”. He calls it dynamic equanimity”—that place where you’re totally engaged and totally balanced. And he asks: “How are you showing up? Are you stressed or are you flowing? Are you totally disengaged and timid about setting exciting goals because you don’t want to become imbalanced, or are you having fun finding your center while playing at the edge?!?”

In the last 6 weeks or so, I have run into this word in numerous places but it is finally starting to sink in. And as with practicing anything, I am getting better at it – it’s becoming second nature – I rarely find myself having images of how something will turn out. This is really transformative – I feel like I am letting life flow, that I have surrendered to life, instead of fighting and forcing it to be something I think it “should” be. And this leads to an inner peace and quiet that is extremely comfortable and finally - consistent! It is a wondrous place to live life from!

The amazing thing? Things usually turn out exactly as, or even better than, I could have hoped or imagined!

I was trying to explain this to a friend who is just beginning to learn the power of positive thinking (and all that jazz). She asked “but aren’t you supposed to keep an image of the things you want in your mind at all times? Aren’t you supposed to imagine that you already have exactly what you want?”  I can see how this could be confusing.

I told her she is correct but I also did my best to explain the difference having an image in your mind for the purpose of attracting it and remaining detached from human perceptions and expectations. I’m not sure how successful I was.

As I was just about to post this (3 days after starting it!), I opened a message I received on Facebook – it fits SO perfectly with what I just wrote:

The First Truth to be Learned in Life:

Life has the potential to become a song of bliss, but there is every possibility of missing it too. It is not a certainty; there is no inevitability about it. It depends: you can make it, you can destroy it. 99.9 percent of people destroy their song of bliss. Then their life is nothing but a cry - a scream of pain and agony. But they have chosen it that way; nobody else is ever responsible.

This is the first truth to be learned in life: that you are always responsible, nobody else. With that comes great freedom, because with that all alternatives are open. If you think that somebody else is responsible then you are a slave; then nothing is open. Then you have to be what you are. If your life is a tragedy then it has to be a tragedy, because others are responsible; unless they change, nothing can be done about it. You don’t have any freedom.

And that is the reason why millions of people live in misery: they think others are creating their misery. Nobody is creating your misery, nobody can create it; and nobody can create your bliss either. It is a totally individual phenomenon. It is just your work upon yourself. And the strangest thing is: to create misery is difficult and to create bliss is easy, but people always choose the difficult thing, because the difficult thing always gives them an ego trip.

The ego is not interested in easy things; the ego is interested only in difficult things. The more impossible a thing looks, the more attractive it feels for the ego, because the ego feels a challenge, and only through challenge can it conquer, can it prove to the world “I am somebody special.”  

Misery gives you challenge: bliss is very simple. Trees are blissful, birds are blissful. It needs nospecial talent to be blissful. To be miserable needs talents, one has to be really very, very clever to be miserable. Bliss is innocent; you can be blissful without any education, but you cannot be miserable without an education, remember! It is very difficult. You need degrees, universities, mm? Then only do you become skillful.

So the first truth has to sink deep in the heart: “I am always responsible for whatsoever I am. Bliss or misery, this is my choice. If I have chosen to be miserable, then there is no need to be sad about it; this is my choice and I am doing my thing.” Feel happy that you have succeeded in being miserable! If this is not your choice, drop it immediately! Drop all those patterns that create it and start creating new patterns, new doors from where bliss starts flowing.

For example, the person who wants to be miserable has to think in terms of fighting with life; that is his gestalt. He is always fighting. The person who wants to be blissful has to be a non-fighter, surrendered to life, in a kind of let-go. The person who wants to be miserable has to create great ideals, has to make impossible demands upon himself. Then only can you be miserable; otherwise you will not be miserable. You have to be this, you have to be that, and when you cannot be, frustration settles in.
The man who wants to be blissful has no ideals at all, he is a non-idealist; he is a realist. The miserable person is always an idealist. The happy person, the blissful person, is a realist: he lives moment to moment with no ideals. You cannot frustrate him because he has no expectations.

The miserable person always condemns himself because he is not rising high enough to fulfill the demands. He is a constant condemner; he lives in self-condemnation.

The blissful person is very accepting of himself. He makes no demands. He is relaxed, at ease with himself; he loves himself as he is. So you have to watch: that which creates misery, drop; and that which brings bliss like a flood, create that space in you. And my whole effort here is to make each of my sannyasins a song of bliss: not miserable saints, not long faces, but celebrants! I am interested in celebrants, not in saints at all. So let your life become a celebration; and it is up to you!

Osho,
“Turn On, Tune In and Drop the Lot”

Exposed...

Exposed

Vulnerable

Flayed open to my core

Raw – but no longer bleeding…

Invited

Foreign – yet welcomed

Accepted

EMBRACED!

Back on my feet again - The Babys

This song was playing when I arrived at my new boyfriend's house for the first time - except for the part about being lonely, these are very appropriate lyrics!

Back On My Feet Again

I was so lonely until I met you
Told myself I'd get by without love
Drownin' my sorrows, avoiding tomorrows
Kind of felt that I just had enough

You light up my face with your jokes and your smiles
And the way that you came here tonight
Don't know what you got, but I'm sure glad I found you
Could be wrong, but it sure feels right

And here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again

Surprised at myself for the way that I feel
So happy that you're here with me
Some women I've known, they've left me with nothing
But I guess that was just meant to be

And here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again

I was down for the count
I was down, I was beat, I was cryin'
I was cornered and hurt
I was hidin' my face, sittin' there cryin'

I was so lonely until I met you
Told myself I'd get by without love
Drownin' my sorrows, avoiding tomorrows
Kind of felt that I just had enough

And here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Yes, here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Ooh yeah, here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again
Here I am, I'm back on my feet again

Embracing the Process! (Shadow Work)

From my favorite Teacher on MySpace - I interpret this as an explanation of Shadow work (Jungian psychoanalysis) - and it can be rough but very liberating and worth it!

Embracing The Process!
By Bryan de Flores

The (not-always) graceful art of mental, emotional, physical and spiritual release.

Do you remember the first spiritual revelations you experienced when you became aware of multidimensional frequencies and other intelligences? The joy and elation that accompanied these insights finally allowed you to be free of all earthly constraints and soar to the heavens.



Sometimes few and far between, you continue to experience these ah-ah’s but have difficulty integrating them into your busy life. You often feel frustrated, confused and alone, not understanding that you are inches away from making a quantum leap in consciousness, into the 5th dimension of time and space.




The Mystery School of Life
How long is this going to take?



As we begin our spiritual path, one of the first things we should realize is how toxic we have become. We all have negative thoughts and unbalanced emotions within us that often manifest in ways which are very uncomfortable.


We also have subconscious sabotage programs and coping mechanisms working against us, prohibiting us from living our dreams. We have created and often been imprinted with these mechanisms to help us deal with the traumas and dramas in our lives.




However, in order to make our Ascension, these things will need to be looked at and dealt with. Unfortunately, when many people are confronted with their own issues they just don’t want to go there! They lash out, suppress or run pretending that everything is OK and fly up into the rafters of denial, never to be seen again.


The ancient Mystery Schools were set up in part to assist the participants in becoming conscious of, understanding and releasing the ties that bound them to the lower levels of the Earth plane.


This included the understanding that all illness and disease is caused by mental and emotional stress. It was understood that these imbalances would eventually begin to impact the health of the physical body, mind and spirit.


Releasing these imprints in a balanced, positive way was crucial to the longevity of the body, the stability of the emotions and the integrity of one’s thoughts. This process took many years until the initiate achieved mastery and completion.



In this modern age, many people have awakened to spirit and are now eager to move forward along the path. However, as well as experiencing great joy, one will encounter challenges, which will trigger those unprocessed emotions and thought forms.



One misconception is that it is an endless process and this could not be further from the truth. You are currently in the process of returning your body and consciousness to its original pattern of perfection. Therefore all genetic and energy frequencies within you are resetting themselves, permanently.



Imagine never feeling anger, stress, depression etc. for the rest of your life! Negative emotions have been important tools for learning about ourselves, but that time is finished. We are now making a quantum shift into a reality that does not utilize negativity as a tool for growth.



So kiss those negative emotions goodbye, thank them and let’s move on. It is so important to be open to the idea that there are some things within you that will need to be acknowledged and addressed. Each time you properly process these imbalances they will be gone forever.



If you are open and not in denial when your stuff is triggered, the process will be easier. If you are in denial, challenging and sometimes painful experiences will continue to manifest in order for you to clear these issues. Remember, everything that has been suppressed must come up to the surface to be dealt with!



Our wonderful home Earth is also going through the process of returning to its original paradise state of being. All the current global challenges and issues we see manifesting around us are but the last remaining distorted planetary imprints which are just now coming up to the surface to be cleared.



In a few years this process will be completed, the transformation will be swift and all shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye! Bottom Line: If you initiate the procedure consciously, spirit will not have to manifest an external experience in order for you to clear it! And when you are confronted with your own issues, don’t feel bad or guilty, just own up to it and move on!




The Tyranny of the Mind
data data data data data data data data data data


There are many techniques and procedures available to assist us in working through our own issues. Lengthy processes are a thing of the past in most cases.


Question: Wouldn’t you rather shift a thought form or emotion in 3 minutes rather than have it linger for 5 years?



The energy is moving too quickly now and many of the old slower analytical
methods are no longer working. Energetic processes work more quickly to re-pattern our thoughts and emotions, as they work from the soul
level.



They override the mental confusion and human personality and go directly to the Higher Self for instruction. The key to this process is powerful, positive intention! Sometimes this type of process cannot be explained it just needs to be experienced and trusted!



Energy processes work by the Universal principal of homeopathy: When you change the energy (vibrational patterns), you change the manifestation of the matter. Many processes are so mentally/intellect or etherically oriented they do not fully integrate into the consciousness.

Also, some people who are intellectually oriented tend to process only in the mental body. I have noticed this in many of my classes. People will say that they have already cleared a particular issue, but it is still there, bigger than life!


Yes, maybe they did process it mentally but did not fully integrate it into their emotional body and energy field. Also, there may be many layers of the issue that can only be cleared through full emotional integration.


If a procedure relies too heavily on mental data rather than personal connection and integrated intuitive understanding, you are more than likely going to walk away with a heavily processing mental body and very little integration. Besides, all data does is satisfy the lower mental body and too much data is often very confusing and will block intuitive channels.


When you are attending, a class be aware there are many important energy transmissions being given on multiple levels and the data or script being offered is probably the lease important. Oftentimes you integrate teachings and healing energy better when the analytical mind is bypassed. As a teacher, I always tell people beforehand that not everything that is happening can or will be explained.



After all, one cannot experience the fullness of God through definition alone!
My accelerator images are a perfect example of this. They heal and activate the individual through soul-level energy transmissions, which bypass the analytical mind allowing total integration.



Preparation and Maintenance



Before attending a class, prepare yourself for full integration through verbal intention and meditation. During the session, know that if you do not understand something mentally that’s OK, you are receiving it telepathically or energetically and will understand it at another time. After the session make time for yourself to contemplate and enjoy the energy before performing any mundane tasks.



It is also good to take a shower or bath after an initiation or Ascension session to clear any residue or dross from your field. Below is a list of things you can do each day, which will make your process easier. Conscious processing will allow you to understand and clear interference patterns with lightning speed, ease and grace.



This in turn will change the way you feel, think and live. From this point each day, you will create new perspectives and make frequent, fully integrated shifts in consciousness. You will become aware of what you are thinking and doing in each moment and will always make choices that are in alignment with your highest good.



Integral to this process are affirmations or prayers, which reverse all of the negative verbal and unconscious mental confusion during the day. After doing these for a short time you will notice that you are no longer manifesting negative thoughts and will be walking through doors that were previously closed to you.



For example, if you say “ I never have any money, I am always in debt,” you will counterbalance it with “ I am financially independent”. You may not understand how
these changes can occur with your present consciousness. This is due to lots of negative and limiting programming that you need to get rid of.. Using the affirmations for just a few minutes each day will minimize and eventually clear all negativity and judgment. They will also help to create a building momentum toward a positive future.



You can use the affirmations during the day when negativity come up or just keep track of the issues and do it all in the morning. I have included a few affirmations below to assist you in moving ahead. Feel free to make up your own as you go, addressing current issues each day.



And remember, although thoughts are powerful things, the spoken word (sound) is even more powerful. Also, the affirmations must be felt and not just said. If they are not emotionally integrated, they will not work properly. For instance, if you say, “I am divine passion!,” you need to feel the PASSION!



If you need to look in a dictionary or refer to some other source to get a better understanding of some words, by all means do what ever it takes.


A Few Tips:


1. Set the energy each morning. By doing this you are determining
how the rest your day will be. If you start your day in peace and spiritual connection, that will be the primary energy of the day. If you start your day in negativity or confusion, well...


2. Connect with your Higher Self, spirit guide, guardian angel and
God. Feel the connections strengthen each day so they may assist
you in your daily life. State the intention that everything you are
saying here for yourself is also for all of humanity and the planet.

3. Surround and infuse your body in a luminous mantle of Christ
White Light. This clears all negative or interference patterns within
and around you. This will also clear your dream body and bring you into a state of balance and harmony. Also, surround all current challenges in your life with the White Light and ask the angels to assist you in balancing these energies.

4. Visualize a clear path of white light or tunnel ahead of you,
projecting through the whole day. This will surround every person,
place and thing you will be encountering for the rest of the day.
It also neutralizes negativity and removes unforeseen obstacles.

5. State your affirmations for the day. Ask that all unconscious issues
and imbalances are brought into your conscious mind, so that you may
have the opportunity to clear them within yourself rather than experience them externally.


6. Express gratitude to God and all assisting energies.

7. Close each day with a blessing and some deep breaths, which will
assist in relaxing and releasing any stress from the body.


Affirmations


I am the embodiment of joy, harmony and passion!
I am divine integrity, honesty, compassion and patience!
I am open to divine guidance, which brings me great wisdom, prosperity
and abundance!
I am creating and living my dreams in every moment!

Another powerful affirmation, which I have used, is “Each day, in every way, I am getting better and better and better…. Say this over and over again, 15 times in the morning and at night. It will reverse any negative programming regarding your self-image.


After the Storm!



During your earthly spiritual journey, choose a diverse range of processes and teachers (guides). This will provide you with many perspectives and allow you to embody a diverse range of spiritual frequencies.


Also, choose experiences that will shift you and give you new perspective and not just make you feel all warm, fuzzy, and safe! Most of all have fun and don’t take everything personally! Soon, all of the processing will be over and we will be able to complete our Ascension’s with dignity and grace. We will all experience ourselves as magnificent spiritual stewards of this planet!


May you be blessed with patience and clarity as you complete your wonderful, abundant, incredible journey into the 7th Golden Age of Enlightenment!
www.Bryandeflores.com
Welcome to the doorway of a full Awakening,
I wish you much love and light on your journey.

Now this is just damn freaky!

The new guy:

I thought it was "interesting" when we were going to and from the haunted house that we 'discovered' that we both had ties to Brecksville - the city. Cataloged that!

And again just now on the phone. Not only realizing that he has connections to my past pre-PTSD life,  but that are there are other similarities from later in my life - especially associated with things as recent (20 years) as my ex-husband. Interesting...

He doesn't "get" other men - I don't "get" other women. This makes me really curious. I wonder if our Souls knew each other previously, in another incarnation, as the opposite gender. The comfort level is practically other-wordly.

I fully believe, and stand behind, the belief that the "second chance lessons" in life have the MOST to teach you!

I want to believe so badly...SO LISTEN - listen to the wind of my Soul!

A LOT going on in my life. For the past few years, for various reasons and through many avenues, I have been focused on finding someone "compatible" with me. I haven't felt as if I "needed" someone for many years. And then, suddenly, when I got happy, I realized it would be nice to share this crazy-ass ride with another person and that it was something I desired. It was actually quite surprising because I really am happy being free & single and I do not feel as if anything is "missing" in my life.

So WHY, when what I ask for actually comes along, (and there's a downright freaky level of comfort with the entire thing), do I still have the slightest urge NOT to trust it???? Again, I hate it that this part of me still exists! I haven't had to fight with negative voices in my subconscious for a very long time! I'm much stronger now, much more conscious now, of where those thoughts eminate from, and I'm much better at telling myself to "SHUT THE FUCK UP"!!!

So, I'm finally catching up on some TV - a much lower priority in my life now than in the recent past. Watching this week's episode of Flash Forward (awesome show, awesome premise!). Japanese symbol comes up (God, I love my symbols!): it means, simply, "Believe".

'Nuf said.

So, my pain-in-the-ass-overthinking brain wants to know if it's my subconscious 'attracting' these "messages" - but then I, once again, tell myself to "SHUT THE FUCK UP" and say aloud,"does it really matter??"

 

Well, duh!?

I was just catching up on So You Think You Can Dance - had it on pause for an hour while I ditzed around on MySpace and went where the floe took me. Listening to the wind of my Soul  - LOVE THAT!

I just now hit "play" on the TV and the song that the dancers are performing to is "Maybe God is Trying to Tell You Something" from The Color Purple! (It always comes back to dance with me!)

Well, DUH! When isn't the Universe telling me something??? No "maybe" about it - but you have to listen and NOT attach any human expectations or preconceived perceptions to the message. That's not always easy because well, we're HUMAN!!

But, when you get in touch with the innate divinity within you, you simply don't have to do that because it just flows - smoothly and comfortably.

I'm putting this on my frig!

Spicecomments.com - Quotes Comments

Coolest song lyrics EVER - Love is My Religion

Ziggy Marley - Love Is My Religion

Why did I NOT know this song????????

"Love is My Religion" by Ziggy Marley

Love is my religion
Love is my religion
Love is my religion
I'll take you to the temple tonight

All my days I been searching
To find out what this life is worth
Through the books and bibles of time
I've made up my mind

I don't condemn I don't convert
This is the calling have ya heard
Bring all the lovers to the fold
Cause no one is gonna lose their soul

Hey
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Hey you can take it or leave it
And you don't have to believe it

I don't want to fight
Hey let's go fly a kite

There's nothing that he can't cure
And I'll keep you in my arms for sure
So don't let nobody stop us
Free spirits have to soar

With you I share the gift
The gift that we now know

Oh
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
I said you can take it or leave it
You don't have to believe it

Well I'm done searching now
I found what this life is worth
Not in the books did I find
But by searching my mind

I don't condemn I don't convert
This is the calling have ya heard
Bring all the lovers to the fold
No one is gonna lose their soul

Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Hey you can take it or leave it
You don't have to believe it
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
Love is my religion(love is my religion)
So you can take it or leave it
Now do you believe?

 

 

Fuck the Fake!

I was waundering around and stumbled upon a website for MySpace comments that is called "Fuck the Fake" - here's an example:

So I had to check it out - I don't like the quote too much but it rings true to my current mantra: "DO IT TRUE!"

That mantra was courtesy of the movie "The Banger Sisters"  - love that movie! Goldie Hawns character is so ME! Well, except for the fake boobs - LOL!

So why this mantra at this moment? I've had a new guy in my life for the last 3 weeks and in the last 10 days or so, I've noticed "psycho moments" in my thinking patterns where I am "wondering" if I should do something or say something.

I HATE THAT!! And I will not tolerate that thinking pattern! I'm angry at myself for still having it, but yet, I embrace it too because it reminds me what I used to be like.

The most recent "psycho moment" I called my friend Sonya and told her to please please repeat this mantra to me so that I will just DO whatever the fuck it is that I want to but am concerned about what he will think of me. Just talking to her empowered me enough to just do it. Which also entailed me telling him all about the "psycho moment" and he said he gets it. I'm even going to enlist his help (Spiritual Succubus, remember?)!

When we first re-connected, we made the agreement that, no matter what, we will always say what we are thinking - without wondering if we should or not! HOW COOL IS THAT?

He actually pushed me that night - he knew I wanted to say something but stopped myself and he forced me to - and guess what? The fucking world didn't come crashing down around me AND he's still around! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT??

So....

FUCK THE FAKE!!

I just found the meaning of life!!

I was cruising the 'net and was led to a site called "Listen to My Soul Song (Ananda Sangha). I bookmarked for further inquiry tonite at work.

Then I was led to a Yahoo question about the destination in life. There was a reply from someone who said it so succinctly. It explained "Ananda" and now I want to check out the other site now!

"The destination of life is to merge onself onto the supreme consciousness that is expressed in all the human beings in unit form.
This thing will give you the "Ananda" (the infinite pleasure) which everybody seeks in one or another form.
Death is just an stage and u can say a junction before which the consciousness expressed in you is in your body (the physical form) and after which either it goes onto another physical form or may unite with the supreme consciousness.
supreme consciousness often people refers to so called God.
and more scientifically it is not the thing to say and listen try to feel the thing....Go for finding your inner secrets...."

Getting to know me...

These are things that I have learned about my place in this life, at this time:

"Old souls are often hedonistic and sensual, however, and can have a bawdy sense of humor. Old souls are often androgynous (having balanced masculine and feminine characteristics), and occasionally bisexuality is a part of their lifestyle. Gender identification is often weak in this Age because of subconscious contact with the whole psyche, which includes both masculine and feminine characteristics. What the Old soul seeks in romantic relationships is a "soul mate" — someone to whom he relates on a soul level. This might be someone else with whom he has spent many lifetimes, or another soul in his own Entity. The drive for this is so strong that it could be described as a compulsion."

Of the seven roles, or "types" of Souls (Server, Artisan, Warrior, Scholar, Sage, Priest, King) we can be, I am The Priest (highlights in blue are especially true for me):

The Priest Role 

The Priest role is also one of Inspiration, like the Server. But the kind of inspiration for which the Priest is a channel is to lift others up from their lowly condition, to inspire the people of the world to higher aspirations, to provoke people to noble virtues, and to raise the consciousness of mankind. In the Positive Pole of Compassion, the Priest feels sympathy for the psychological suffering in the souls of others, and seeks to alleviate it by encouraging them to find their way out of it.

If not in the actual ministry or priesthood, then another favorite life role that occupies many Priests is psychology, such as in counseling or psychiatry. Here they can apply their natural desire to heal to the task of healing the minds and spirits of their clients. Priests are very big on mental health — happiness, fulfillment, and positive attitude.

All Priests have a feeling that they have a Mission in life — a cosmic or divine Destiny. They sense that they are guided by the hand of God (whether they call It this or not) to show others the way to Truth.

No matter what kind of relationship a Priest is in, he will always desire to heal the mind and spirit of his partner. In this connection, like Servers, Priests often give sex as a healing service. (HeHe)

Priests view the whole world as their congregation. They reach down toward others and offer them illumination. They look up to God for their illumination. Priests are the shepherds of mankind, caring for their flocks, watching over them, helping them to grow to maturity. Their purpose in life is to break bonds and restraints which hold people back from fulfilling their potential. One of their favorite sayings might be, "You can do better than that." Priests point out the path to righteousness, and illumine it with supreme truth. If he is not behind the pulpit, then he is up on his soap box — preaching, exhorting, campaigning, crusading, proselytizing, provoking, and evangelizing.

Another significant factor in the consciousness of Priests is their emphasis on prosperity consciousness. They regard the universe as full to overflowing with the abundance of God. They proclaim that this richness is our natural inheritance — we should claim this plentifulness as our own. There is ample for all, and more, they say.

Like a person with the Goal of Growth, a Priest takes advantage of opportunities for greater experience. He promotes his development or that of others beyond their natural limits. He aspires to higher potentials and ever-increasing progress. Almost as if he was in the Passion Mode, a Priest behaves with freedom of expression and intensity of experience. His life is an open book, and he has a buoyant enthusiasm for life.

Like a Spiritualist, the Priest sees the whole universe as a manifestation of the glory of God, working out a Divine plan, ever evolving to a finer and higher state. He always looks on the bright side, and sees the world as miraculous. He regards every event as a propitious sign from Providence, which is ever looking down on him. With sensitivity and reverence the Priest is heartened and cheered up by events in the world. He is fascinated and awestruck at the wonders he beholds. Everything is an uplifting experience. A number of famous individuals have been or are Priests, and obviously so.

John Calvin (Protestant Reformation), Saint Dominic (founder of Dominican monks), St. Francis of Assisi (Catholic theologian), Joan of Arc, Jesse Jackson (Reverend), Carl Jung (psychologist and mystic), Abraham Maslow (psychologist), Oral Roberts (evangelist), Carl Rogers (psychologist), Martin Luther King, and Fred Rogers (children's TV show host).

The caring and enthusiastic inspiration of the Priest lovingly challenges us to seek fulfillment and evolution in our lives.  Priests have an uncanny way of making us unafraid of the things that scare us, and they help us face our fears with optimism and a greater resolve.  

Priests instinctively feel compassion for others, and this compassion can sometimes be seen as a loving light that seems to radiate from their faces.  When a Priest gazes into your space, it's almost as if they can see into the deepest reaches of your soul; effortlessly reaching inside of you if they wanted, and healing wounds you didn't even realize existed.  Priests seemingly have this natural ability to make connections with people that no other role can emulate.  

Natural healers, Priests have a special gift for channeling huge amounts of healing energy. In this regard, the mere act of being in the presence of a Priest can sometimes be highly therapeutic. Genuinely warm and nurturing, Priests are passionately interested in the spiritual growth of their subjects, and can therefore be masterful in inspiring people to step beyond their own self-imposed limitations to embrace life more fully.  

Priests are naturally at home in front of large groups of people, and can single handedly draw a spellbound crowd into profound levels of emotional awakening.

Overall, Priests are emotional, high spirited, and brimming with energy, and they approach life with determination and purpose.  Priests are truly on a mission. They are usually late to bed and early to rise, and rarely does a day go by when they don't find a way to either improve themselves or the people around them.  This can lead some Priests to become run down from the unwavering intensity of their zeal.  Although they may grow impatient with those who seem hopelessly stuck in the self-inflicted sands of inertia, (I’m working on this one!) the hallmark of the Priest is still compassion, and if we only learn to listen to their healing words and utopian visions, that shining star that has seemed so impossible for us to reach might one day become attainable. 

Awakening

AWAKENING TIP:

LET US MAKE A DISTINCTION BETWEEN ACQUIRED KNOWLEDGE AND REVEALED KNOWLEDGE.

ACQUIRED KNOWLEDGE IS THE INFORMATION THAT WE ACCUMULATE DURING THE COURSE OF OUR EVERYDAY EXPERIENCES OF LIFE.

BUT WHEN WE BEGIN TO VIEW LIFE THROUGH THE ANTIPODAL STANDPOINT (SEEING THROUGH THE EYES OF GOD) THEN WE ACCESS AN INBORN, INTUITIVE, REVEALED KNOWLEDGE THAT EXISTS IRRESPECTIVE OF THE HUMAN CONDITION.

MEDITATION IS THE ART OF MOVING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN TWO PERSPECTIVES THE HUMAN AND THE DIVINE, DOWNPLAYING ONE LEVEL IN ORDER TO HIGHLIGHT THE OTHER.

EVENTUALLY, WE WILL LEARN TO EXTRAPOLATE MEANING FROM THE SYNTHESIS OF THESE DIFFERENT LEVELS.

THE STATE OF AWAKENING.

THE CULMINATION OF THE SPIRIT'S JOURNEY OF AWAKENING IS NOT JUST RETURNING TO ITS ORIGINAL STATE.

INSTEAD, IT IS HOW THE SOUL HAS EVOLVED THROUGH ITS PASSAGE ON EARTH: WHAT MEANING HAS BEEN EXTRACTED FROM ITS EXPERIENCES?

 WHAT ARCHETYPAL QUALITIES HAVE UNFOLDED AS A RESULT OF THE IMMENSE DIFFICULTIES IT HAS ENDURED AND THE UNIQUE WAY EACH SOUL'S UNFOLDMENT HAS CONTRIBUTED TO THE EVOLUTION OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF.

Thank you Awakened777 from MySpace!

Enter Venus, Love!

THE VENUS TRANSIT: A CALL FOR GLOBAL ONENESS

Enter!




The darkest hours of night come just before the dawning of a new day. There is no question that Earth faces a tremendous crisis today.., a painful “dark night of the soul”, even the possibility of catastrophic obliteration.

Yet, according to the prophecies and calendars of many ancient traditions, this Age also represents a time of hope. We are moving into a time of evolutionary renewal, a time of global purifcation, even what some refer to as the dawning of a Golden Age!



The ancient Mayans developed a calendar syste..m that is very relevant to these times It can be seen as a cosmic timing code, and is prophetic in the sense.. that it reflects a deep under..stand..ing of long-term cycle..s of creat..ion. As evolutionary cycles of cosmic energies are absorbed into Earth"s electromagnetic fields via the Sun, human consciousness responds to these impulses in a predictable manner, following a cosmic pattern of dark and light.


The Mayan calendar describes the sequence and timing of these patterns.  According to this calendar, the year 2012 reflects the end of certain cycles of history based on duality and separation, and represents the birthing of a Golden Age of Enlightement.




Once we began to use the Mayan calendar to understand the deeper significance of world events today, this claim no longer seems as improbable as it may first appear Out of deepest darkness comes the greatest light In his studies of the Mayan calendar, Dr. Carl Johan.. Calleman points to a key event taking place now which might well serve to initiate this extraordinary opening to planetary light.





The planet Venus is rich in archetypal symbology It is often known as the Morning Star, the Bringer of Light.   It is related to love,human.. unity beauty, and oneness. On June 8, 2004, the path of Venus.directly crossed over the disc of the Sun, an eclipse lasting for the space.. of seven hours. The energies of Sun and Venus blend together, and as these blended radiations make their way into the Earth’s electromagnetic fields, it weaves the energies of love and unity into the mass consciousness of the planet, and potentially into the hearts of every man, woman, and child alive on Earth..!


Interestingly, Venus transits always come in pairs.  The second passage of Venus across the Sun’s disc takes place on June 6, 2012  The eight year period in between representsa “doorway” through which Unity consciousness will come to dominate the mass consciousness of the Earth.  Since this is a 130-year cycle, there are few humans alive today who have experienced this transit, yet it can be seen that every time this transit has taken place in human history, it has represented a new level of harmonization on the plane t It is interesting to note that the Taj Mahal, one of the greatest monuments to Love in human history, was built during the Venus Trans it of 1631-1639 AD!


The transition into Unity consciousness could be turbulent.As old structures.. of human.. consc..iousn..ess colla..pse, it may be accompanied by a degree of darkness and destruction.  This process should be seen in proper perspective .“When the light hits”, as Jose Arguelles, puts it, “the dark gets tough.”!


This current “door..way of Venus is especially significant because it remains open until 2012 AD, the completion our current cycle of human evolution Some referto this date as the end of linear time,or as the end of a period of human consciousness conditioned by separation and duality.The Mayan..s refer to this time as the Return of Quetzalcoatl, the Plumed Serpent, and look to this eight.year doorway as the time frame within which the mass enlightenment of humanity will take place

Kalki Bhagavan, a “mukti avatar” in South India, sees this doorway of Venus as the actual transition.. into the Golden Age. Although Venus transits happe..n on a regular basis, this is the first time in human histo..ry that an avata..r has been on Earth.. during this transit. Kalki says that rapid changes will take place on Earth beginning with June 2004.   His mission is to have 64,000 enlightened by 2010, and as they begin to spread it spontaneously over the next couple years, the entire planet will move into an enlightened state.


By the second Venus transit on June 6, 2012, Kalki promises that planetary enlightenment will be accomplished


Once this happens, Earth will become a paradise. The deep environmental, social, and political crises that plague us today will be instantly resolved. The human mind will undergo a structural change, and even our DNA will be transformed. As a new morpho genetic field of enlightened humanity replaces the thought sphere of greed, separation.., hatred and violence that pervades the Earth today, a new species will emerge.








We are calling people all over the world to observe the days leading up to this VenusTrans..it, June 6-8, as a time for opening to the bright impulse of cosmic energy that is streaming into the mass consciousness of Humanity.What are our highest dreams and hopes?  What is our greatest potential as divinely inspired humans? What can we creat..e together as we step into the “doorway” to the Golden Age?

June 6-8 is being promoted worldwide as the Call for Global Oneness, and we will continue building the momentum year after year until June 6, 2012Let us come together during this time in gatherings throughout the world to celebrate love and beauty, light and unity.   Let us work with these expansive cosmic energies to anchor them deep into the heart of Earth Mother, deep into the human collective consciousness.  Let us translate these energies into art, economics,culture, politics, education and ecology.  Let us bring trans..formation into every field of human endeavor

Let us pray, each in our own way, for the emergence of the Golden Age, for enlightenment for all, for peace, healing, and beauty on the planet! Le us pray for the unity of humankind

Please network this information widely
Please link up to
www. globaloneness. com for suggestions on what you can do, for further information on the Venus transit, to publicize any events you may wish to plan,or to receive information on events in your local.. area.

This will be a continually updated interactive website, and your input.. is welcome. We are invit..ing spiritual teachers from every.. religious faith,indigenous elders from everytradition, healers, artists, musicians,.. dancers, networkers, and organizers to join with us in cocreating the biggest spiritual event in human.history. As we move into this 3day global festival, we will be broadcasting live streaming images from Oneness Gatherings around the world.



Let us participate together to cocreate heaven on earth



By

Kiara Windrider and The Experience Foundation..
kiara@doorwaytoeternityom

Amusing Synchronicity!

Last night I listened to the Philospher's Notes on Ken Wilber because I was reading about his thoughts related to Transpersonal Psychology. Brian Johnson, the coolest-guru-ever, who started Philosopher's Notes, had reminded me to look it up. After listening and also checking out Ken Wilber's Integral Institute, I wrote back to Brian stating that I need to get to Berkeley, California (I have Palo Alto, CA planned already which is 1 hour away).

Then, I get in my car and the 90's channel is on Sirius radio. The song, "California Love" is playing. I thought that was kind of cute -no big deal. Until the next song came on and it was "HippyChick" - my cyber name on Facebook, MySpace, and just about everywhere!!

All I could do was laugh. I flipped the channel to the 80's station and "Faith" by George Michael was on. 'Nuf said!

I am a sponge!

I've only been out of school for 2 days and usually during breaks between semesters, I take 3-4 days to "veg out" and then accomplish my To-Do list. I could have been much worse now since this break is 10 months long :-)

But I'm not. I am more focused than I have ever been - that I can remember. I know that I 'feel' different at this point in my journey. I feel like I am steadily moving forward, learning what I need to and applying that knowledge to my spiritual practice. Funny thing is - I am not even consciously trying. I think that perhaps I have finally evolved to a new stage of development instead of just experiencing states of enlightenment - fully, and naturally, integrating all the wisdom and energy that I have encountered into my life.

There's a strange kind of natural flow to my life right now. I feel super-charged! And I REFUSE to go backward - back to the previous mode of transportation on my journey - where I glean wisdom, put it to use for a little while and then get spiritually constipated. The 3-steps forward, 2-steps back mode - NEVER AGAIN! I am positive, motivated and I have surrounded myself with the same kind of energy in other people. I am meditating (still learning this one), reading and actively evolving. Everything is falling into place perfectly.

So - today's quote that resonated with me when I read it (although credited to Heraclitus, I've also heard it quoted by Marcus Aerelius as well:

"The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny - it is the light that guides your way." ~ Heraclitus

Onward & Upward....

Transpersonal Psychology

Ok, so I'm still in student mode (something I never hope to change!)....

I am getting my shit together to be to move to California next Summer and attend The Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Explaining the transpersonal approach to people is difficult to say the least!

I received an email with a couple of articles attached from the college last week and am finally reading them. The more I read, the more sure I am that this is where I belong. Not getting a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology per se because the only thing that would allow me to do is research - tie me up in a loony bin! But a PhD in Clinical Psychology with a transpersonal approach.

There are at least 40 different definitions of transpersonal psychology:

Experiential humanistic psychology, psychology of consciousness; psychology of peak experiences; spiritual psychology; holistic development of the self... but this one describes it best:

"Transpersonal psychology is concerned with the study of humanity's highest potential and with the recognition, understanding, and realization of unitive, spiritual, and transcendent experiences."

 

School's OUT!

I officially have a bachelor's degree! And with a 4.0 GPA too!! I was really concerned about this last class but shouldn't have been, as usual. It only took me 20 years - considering I should have had this degree by the time I was 22 - if I hadn't gotten married instead! Oh well, everything in the proper time!

Now I can truly celebrate this weekend! And it's Halloween, which I just love!

I've got so many projects to complete that I've been putting off for 2 years. I also have an interesting man in my life these days - completely unexpected but very much welcomed! I did an Angel Guide reading tonite and it said that this is the time for me to revel in my sensuality, to stop feeling guilty about being naughty and to celebrate life and being ME!! That's nice to get confirmation on but it's not like I needed told to do that :-)

Now that I have more free time, I plan on writing a lot more too!

 

When the student is ready, the teacher will come...

I've always said that I am a better dance teacher than I am dancer. I'm realizing this phrase applies to my spiritual journey as well. If I am indeed a spiritual succubus, and this describes me pretty well, people come into my life for a short but specific purpose.

I'm realizing that the further I travel, the further I journey, the quicker I learn the lessons that I need to. And though it's sad to experience souls coming and going so quickly, it's uniquely exhiliarating at the same time.

So what do I do if the title statement is true in this case as well as in dancing? The students who may pass thru my experiences may not be ready for me. It's a fact that I've tried to accept lately and it has helped me learn the lesson of "letting go" - NOT something I have EVER been good at.

Doesn't mean I have to like it. It doesn't mean that I am not going to try to hold onto something that I should let go of. It doesn't mean that I won't keep pushing the student to learn what they need to. Stubborn, for sure, but I honestly wish every soul could gain enough personal wisdom to be able to find their bliss. And, the Universe knows that I am a Soul that needs a good brick upside the head when I'm not getting the hint that I should just let it go! Sometimes I just don't learn very efficiently - hence, the statement, "I'm a better Teacher than Student".

So much happening at this juncture in my life.

SO much to learn but yet SO much more to teach.

But it can hurt when the student is not ready, for they will exit my life even if the human part of me wants them to stay. 

What Tarot Card are you?

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

Attracting my purpose....

I haven't written much lately - writing to no one in particular just doesn't motivate me these days. BUT... I was told last night that I need to write my brain droppings down!

Everything in my life lately has been about finding my comfort level with my purpose. Yes, the Law of Attraction is always at work, but I haven't been consciously working it. But it works any way - because my thoughts, my energy, everything has been focused on that. So... last night I realized that I have managed to attract exactly what I need - and that epiphany came to me like a lightning strike last night.

So, what is it that I've attracted into my life space?    STUDENTS!! 

Students who already have a foundational understanding of what it is that I have to teach - ones who have perhaps attracted a teacher into their life space!

It felt so good to just spew what little wisdom I've attained - and have them 'get it'!!

 

A new level of understanding?

"The more we resist it, the stronger it gets. Then it undermines our determination, sabotages our choices, and attracts more negative energy."

I was just now reading about the path to inner peace and I think I understand myself a lot more right now. And why now, more than ever, I finally feel that I am moving forward consistently. Instead of the usual 2 steps forward/1 step backward fashion that has been my spiritual evolution thus far. So, what's different now? I have finally embraced my human side, so to speak. I fully embrace my "Dark Night of the Soul".

"Very frequently, the deepest spiritual moments (the ones where we garner a big picture view of how we put shackles around our own progress) happen during moments where we have to confront our deepest fears and inbuilt prejudices, and overcome them in order to step into a new reality. Mystics talk of "the dark night of the soul" as being these kinds of moments."

READ: (borrowed from Life Without Limits website)

The Pollyanna spirituality that has gained a following is an attempt to get around Universal Principles, not a method to apply them.

A person who applies Universal Principles, is one that can maintain their integrity, positive attitude and courage, no matter what circumstances he may encounter and experience.

We are impotent to change what we refuse to acknowledge.
We lack the ability to make intelligent choices, if we refuse to objectively seek out information.
We will ultimately fail to Be positive, to make positive choices and to experience our potential and fulfillment, if we deny, avoid or bury our unpleasant emotions, our unwanted tendencies, our shadow self.

If we can greet our shadow self with understanding and courage, perhaps we will also understand and cease to judge others. And that would create an abundance of positive energy on this planet.

And wandering has led me here - to even more confirmation along the same lines:

"He who knows the Bliss of Brahman (divine consciousness)..does not distress himself with the thought "why did I not do what is good? why did I do what is evil?". Whoever knows this (bliss) regards both of these as Atman (self, soul), indeed he cherishes both as Atman. Such, indeed, is the Upanishad, the secret knowledge of Brahman."

Centering myself

I had forgotten just how much I love MySpace. Most of my friends there are all fellow humans trying to live at a higher level of consciousness. Very wise souls who post the best bulletins.

From these I'm led to many inspirational places. This morning, I'm watching 90 second inspirational videos on You Tube - nothing but soft music and random quotes. Here is my favorite from today's journey:

"To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart - and to sing it to them when they have forgotten." ~ Anonymous

 

 

Today's thought...(from a friend)

"I don't believe that people create their own visions. Rather, I believe that visions are actually God's way of communicating with us."
~ Russell Simmons

Have you ever wondered where our desires come from? What makes one person long to travel the world while another wants nothing more than to settle down and raise a family? Our higher selves are constantly trying to guide us toward true fulfillment, which means that the only thing we really "should" do is trust the wisdom of our hearts by exploring our interests and following our bliss...

Blessings to you!

The past revisited...

Thursday night at work, I was going thru the list of patients having bloodwork the next morning and recognized the name of my first foster mother. She was anemic and needed transfusions. I drew her blood at 5am and she recognized me when I said "hi". I had talked to her on the phone last summer but I had not seen her since 1991.

I've recently written about wanting to visit her and her husband to thank them for all they did for me as a little girl. And to tell her that I finally understand myself and what she was dealing with. And that, more than anything, I wouldn't change one single, solitary thing about my life. My old counselor thought I was doing it for the wrong reasons but I truly do not feel there are any subconscious motivations here (and I'm pretty good at recognizing those). Me being me, I procrastinated about contacting her even after having a dream that I wouldn't get the chance. Thankfully, the chance fell into my lap.

I told her that I would stop in and visit before I started work Saturday night. I did and we had a nice talk. She thought it was funny to tell the nurse in the room that as a 3 year old I used to go up to men and list my skirt and ask for money! Gee, I learned a lot from my birth parents ;-) I remember doing that too - especially for pennies to put in the gumball machines!

We laughed about that one. We chatted about night shift, I told her I mostly do homework and that I am in school to be a Psychologist. She said "oh good, they need them out there" - meaning the kids who are in the foster care system. I'm still not sure I want to work with the kids though - that direction has yet to be determined.

She told me that I always gave the teachers a hard time in school. I told her that hasn't changed one bit! I told her to thank her husband for doing math flashcards with me every night and how that instilled a love of math. And that my brain was the only positive piece of self esteem I had as a child and I said 'thanks' for nurturing that. I also told her exactly how smart I am and she said my problem when I was a child was that I was too damn smart for my own good. I told her that my mouth always got me into trouble and it still does!

I told her I wished I had stuck with all the dance lessons she gave me as a kid. That it took ballroom dancing lessons in 1995 for me to discover just how huge a part dance plays in my life. That is literally changed my world. I told her I teach and I love it.

I told her that I was sorry I was such a messed up kid - that I wished "they" had known about childhood depression back then. I explained how it took me until the age of 30 to realize who I was and what makes me happy. And that I'm happier than I ever imagined possible. I showed her pictures of the boys.

We talked a bit about my birth family and her kids. She was missing her granddaughter's wedding reception as we spoke. I am off work today, but if she is still in-house tomorrow, I will stop in and see her.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to express my gratitude to her. I feel truly at peace with that part of my life. In a way, this opportunity allowed me to thank God for giving me that part of my life. I truly believe it happened just as it should have.

When I need a lesson, it's all about quotes...

So, Thursday night at work, I did a possibly-dumb thing and contacted someone I probably should not have. Although cathartic in a way, I still wonder at the motivation sometimes. Anyway, that led me to updating my FaceBook profile, in which the only thing I really did was add a shitload of quotes that I just adore. I've got hundreds saved all over this computer and it was fun reading some of them.

And some of them resonated differently this time. The much-needed lessons of the moment:

This one is not by any means where it started, but it is where I was led just now. “I (may) disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. […] Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too."

It was actually the second time I saw that in the last 2 days. Not weird since I was just reading quotes - LOL - But... I was also just discussing challenges in class last night. As in, "challenge me, please! Let's see how fast I can totally crush it!"

The second occurrence of that quote came from a FaceBook link to a group for Psychology majors. And they also had this one:

"Yeah, I'm a psychology major...no, I can't read your mind
..................What can I say, I like the padded walls!" -- LMAO!!!

But the first quote that I found today was on this Psych teacher's Facebook profile (not a group). ""To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders"

The lesson the last month or so has been all about learning to meditate. I HAVE TO! I joked to the this guy that this Behavioral Analysis class was going to give me a cerebral hemmorhage! I have to learn to quiet this head of mine.

Best smartass answers of 2008

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


SMA RT ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

 SMART ASS ANSWER #2

 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2008 !!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband
replied, 'Your eyesight's good.'

 

Gently down the stream...

I haven't had a "wow" moment in a long time. It's been overdue. Yesterday was my 1 year surgiversary and I am so blessed. I've been socially starving for the last 2 months and getting depressed over it. Self-inflicted hell was what it was.. See, I said, "was". Thank God for my brain!!! I know exactly what my Soul needs in order to be happy. I need to shorten the duration of going without though!! (Me and consistently do not get along.)

As I sit and watch the season premiere of So You Think You Can Dance. If you know me, you'll know how much I love this show!! It is so full of positive energy and I've missed that!! I need that energy around me at all times and I can only by interacting with people. And, making them think about how they feel and feel about how they think.

Anyway, this is all about teaching. Back a few posts, I wrote about my NEED to teach.

15 minutes ago I was led to an online lecture about Abraham Maslow. And I went to get the link at Facebook and the 'wow' moment went nuclear. I ended up at the EduFire website. When you create an account, you have to choose:

First Time Here? Welcome!

I am a:
Student  (I want to learn from an online tutor)
Teacher  (I want to teach online for payment)

 

So was I led here to help me teach or to learn? I'll have to meditate on that one.

 

Or.. there could be that I don't really need the PhD to teach (as many smart people have said). I keep making excuses to fill out the paperwork. But what if I really don't have to? Then I wouldn't be debt until the day I become a natural reef - LMAO!! Note to brain:  YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MEDITATING!!

 

I never had the ability to make people change and believe using ration and logic anyway. (And for the longest time that is the only approach to my fellow humans that I understood -childhood shit.) LONG story on the metamorphasis that has taken place (but a fun one, that's for sure!)  

 

Way back at the beginning of this post, I wanted to explain the 'wow'. Maslow: "What one *can* be, one *must* be." And hence comes that the feeling that I'm going to explode if I don't TEACH! I am going to the lecture! Check out http://www.philosophersnotes.com  Come on! It's his birthday today! Help him teach, for it is what he was put here to do.

 

If you've read this far and haven't had a seizure from all the colors :=) Thanks for keeping up with my lessons of today!

 

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming: going back to dancing - it makes me happy.

And I'm back. (Terminator: Salvation was just okay and it was nice they payed homage to the originals.) Oops, no I'm not.

Okay, yes I am. So what were we discussing? Oh yeah, How do I get on with my purpose???? I'm the way, but daaaayyyyuuuummmm - I have NO PATIENCE!! Things just don't move as fast as I want them to! And then I get bored and lose interest and get spiritually constipated, then I have to go through this whole process of purging and re-learning the same damn lessons I already know. I WANT OFF THIS ROLLERCOASTER! (getting a Cedar Point season pass - woohoo!)

Seriously, everyone knows that I HATE REPEATING MYSELF!!! Fuck! Sorry (no I'm not), but I really need a good swift kick sometimes. What I call God bashing me upside my head with a 2 X 4!! Eventually, I'll get it. Why does LIFE have to get in the way of movement forward versus in a circle?!

You know, one just got me...

I haven't been watching TV much (except So you think you can dance and Saving Grace comes back the day after my birthday!) So my Angels have to communicate with me through music. And hindsight is awesomely clear.

Last night on the way to work, I heard The Eagles' "Wasted Time". No biggie, like the song.

But right now, I've got a song stuck in my head I heard this morning on the way home. Actually, a particular lyric:

"Oh, I'm so blind Oh, I'm blind
I wasted time Wasted, wasted, wasted time
Walkin' on the wire, high wire
But I must let the show go on

And I just now realized today's THEME! See letter to the pen pal years ago about wasting my talents but not having a clue what those were. You've come a long way, baby!"

And for confirmation the song lyric popped back in and screamed "I must let the show go on" ---

That spiritual kick in the ass I can always count on? YEPPERS!

I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD. I have to stay on track. I need other people to help me. I consistently ask for that and the people that pop in and out or stay are all pretty damn cool. Would it be too much to ask for to have the help on a consistent basis? HA! I've never been consistent one day in my life - is that Karma?? A self-inflicted punishment? (Whoa, that was deep - Applied Behavior Analysis just ran through my head - finals week.) Perhaps it is. WTF???

I of all people know just how powerful the Law of Attraction is! Even at my lowest wallowing point, little Synchronicity would slip in to keep me from sinking. You won't ever convince that me we don't have Angels.

Oh - so, I'm wallowing but climbing out of it - (lyric: with a little help from my friends)... I was really stressed out over money and school. The school one was easy - write a sugary-sweet but bitchy letter to the professor, get the fuck over it and do a good job on her final paper.

The money one - never so easy. But I'm getting much better at trusting. And as soon as I hit solid ground, I changed my thinking and started trusting. Yesterday I got an email telling me my stipend has been mailed and I'm getting a check for $700!! See previous posts about The Law at work in my lfie.

HA - writing is my avenue of putting The Law to work for me too. As I'm writing it, my thinking patterns are positive and I start to attract. I was just led here:

Wayne Dyer's movie, "The Shift - Ambition to Meaning: Finding your life's purpose.

Do I sound mmildly manic? Or is it just my crazy astrological profile stuff :-)

 The Gemini/Goat is a firefly who flits about in others' lives out of sheer caprice; a tired pessimist who denigrates and disagrees with the world at large; or perhaps he's the eternally disappointed critic whose longing for perfection (in others, of course) leads him to drop acerbic comments as though they were rose petals. The Gemini/Goat is a bit of a lot of different things. You won't find many Goats running around loose. Goats need other people. All Goats require both company and guiding forces. Gemini is the mercurial sign: quick, volatile, fickle. So put these together. Dependency and fickleness. Like a smiling, chubby baby who's looking around for a change from his dull parents and leaps into the arms of almost anybody who passes his stroller in the street. Obviously, this versatile person makes a fabulous - if temporary - lover. When they find themselves in bed with one, they may well be thinking of the next or the last great lovemaking session. Butterflies in bed, they can think up the most ingenious sex games and...

Whichever it is, it's a fun ride most of the time! THANK YOU!

Today's Wisdom Quote

"I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his
dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with 
success unexpected in common hours."
~Henry David Thoreau 

This was today's message from Renaissance Unity. Then, shortly after reading this email message, I was listening to the Bhagavad Gita Philosopher's Notes (mp3) and Brian also stated this same quote plus more:

"He will put some things behind - will pass an invisible boundary. New, universal and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him. Or old laws will be expanded and interpreted in his favor, in a more liberal sense, and he will live with license of a higher order of being."

This goes back to the Law of Attraction. And even though I've seen it working in my life for the past couple of years, it's only been recently that I've achieved a level of Faith that has enabled the Universal Laws to take control of my life.

"Faith is expectancy" (Eric Butterworth). "When a person is devoted to something with complete Faith, he gains the object of his devotion" (Bhagavad Gita).

I have complete Faith that I will achieve, and am on the path to achieving, my Soul's purpose in this life.

And so it is.

I'm listening!

I learned a lot this morning. Thank you!

SOUL FUSION
***************
Infinity
Realized
*
Divinity
Crystalized
*
Brilliance Magnified
*
Illumination Testified
*
Immortality Actualized
*
Gods Glory Personified
*
Perfection Materialized

****************

SOUL FUSION

A new Myers-Briggs type? ENTP

I have taken a hundred or so different typology tests lately and I always come up as an ENTJ - understandable and cool in its own right. But, I stumbled upon this site and that blog (thanks to Anderson Cooper - my Gemini brother!) and ended up finding a typology that sounds an awful like the person I am when I'm meditating and listening to my Soul. All I can say is "WOW" and that this is the typology I need to live from all the time! Because, alas, in real life - my "J" always gets me in trouble!

Here are some highlights of this new type ENTP (who my new best friend Mary just happens to type as - very interesting!):

"Clever" is the word that perhaps describes ENTPs best. The professor who juggles half a dozen ideas for research papers and grant proposals in his mind while giving a highly entertaining lecture on an abstruse subject is a classic example of the type. So is the stand-up comedian whose lampoons are not only funny, but incisively accurate. SO ME!

ENTPs are usually verbally as well as cerebrally quick, and generally love to argue--both for its own sake, and to show off their often-impressive skills. They tend to have a perverse sense of humor as well, and enjoy playing devil's advocate. They sometimes confuse, even inadvertently hurt, those who don't understand or accept the concept of argument as a sport. TRUE!

ENTPs are as innovative and ingenious at problem-solving as they are at verbal gymnastics; on occasion, however, they manage to outsmart themselves. This can take the form of getting found out at "sharp practice"--ENTPs have been known to cut corners without regard to the rules if it's expedient (ask my boss!) -- or simply in the collapse of an over-ambitious juggling act. Both at work and at home, ENTPs are very fond of "toys"--physical or intellectual, the more sophisticated the better. They tend to tire of these quickly, however, and move on to new ones. It's called boredom, duh!

ENTPs are basically optimists, but in spite of this (perhaps because of it?), they tend to become extremely petulant about small setbacks and inconveniences. (Major setbacks they tend to regard as challenges, and tackle with determin- ation.) ENTPs have little patience with those they consider wrongheaded or unintelligent, and show little restraint in demonstrating this. Got in trouble for this at work last week! However, they do tend to be extremely genial, if not charming, when not being harassed by life in general.

In terms of their relationships with others, ENTPs are capable of bonding very closely and, initially, suddenly, with their loved ones. Some appear to be deceptively offhand with their nearest and dearest; others are so demonstrative that they succeed in shocking co-workers who've only seen their professional side. ENTPs are also good at acquiring friends who are as clever and entertaining as they are. Aside from those two areas, ENTPs tend to be oblivious of the rest of humanity, except as an audience -- good, bad, or potential. (Mary would agree with this completely - but it's NOT a bad thing!)

---

A Functional Analysis-- by Joe Butt

Extraverted iNtuition

ENTPs are nothing if not unique. Brave new associations flow freely from the unconscious into the world of the living. Making, discovering and developing connections between and among two or more of anything is virtually automatic. Did I read that RIGHT? Me? Nyah - LMFAO! The product of intuition is merely an icon of process; ENTPs are in the business of change, improvement, experimentation. LOL!

The attraction Extraverted iNtuition has toward the real and physical amounts to a cosmic non sequitur: theory is drawn to practice. Such encounters are clearly puzzling. Both parties--the intuitor and the realist--are aware of a xenic quality in their meeting, with reactions ranging from recoil to reverie. See my previous posts about my old internal battle that I WON! **blowing raspberries**!

Introverted Thinking

Thinking is iNtuition's ready assistant, an embodiment of the sort of logic found in laws, boards and circuits. Thinking's job is to lend focus and direction to iNtuition's critical mass. The temporary habitations of changeling iNtuition are constructed of Boolean materials from Thinking's storehouse. Ultimately, Thinking is no match for iNtuition's prodigiousness. Systems lie in various states of disarray, fragmentary traces of Thinking's feverish attempts to shadow and undergird the leaps of the dominant function. Well shit, maybe the battle isn't over! One can only suppose that Thinking must continue to work during REM sleep pulling together iNtuition's brainchildren into integral wholes. Dreaming is the only thing that scares me but I KNOW I need to do it.

Extraverted Feeling

To the extent that Feeling is developed, ENTPs extravert Feeling judgment. As a result, it is not uncommon to find affability and bonhomie in members of this species. Tertiary functions are potentially utilitarian. Their limitations appear in their relative underdevelopment, diminished endurance, and vulnerability. ENTPs may harness Feeling's good will in areas such as sales, service, drama, humor and art. ENTP loyalty often runs high and can be hooked by those the ENTP counts as friends. Succubus - LOL!

Introverted Sensing

Like a tail on the kite of iNtuition, Introverted Sensing counterweighs these beings drawn to nonconformity and anarchy. These shadowy sensory forms, so familiar to SJ types, serve as lodestones which many ENTPs employ Herculean measures to escape. "Question authority! (then do exactly what it tells you)" sums up the dilemma in which ENTPs may find themselves by attempting to best the tarbaby Sensing. Occasionally acknowledging awareness of norms and abnormality could, in theory, be potentially freeing.

Additionally, I've noticed that ENTPs have the need to have areas of expertise/excellence/uniqueness in which one is second to none. I've never beaten an ENTP at his/her own game--not in the final analysis. ROFLMFAO!

The truth of our existence..

KNOW THE TRUTH OF YOUR OWN EXISTENCE "There is always a way pro¬vided by the Law of Life, God's Great Goodness and Forgiving Love, to correct every unsatisfactory and imperfect condition. The way lies right within one's physical self. 'BE STILL and know THAT I AM GOD!' No one and nothing can ever be per¬manently happy until they do know this, until they know TRUTH, particularly the TRUTH of their own existence — who they are, why they are here, from whence they came, and where they are go¬ing. Only the knowledge of THAT TRUTH brings peace and that sense of inner security of which we have spoken, that can never be disturbed by the constant, shifting scenes and conditions of our daily experience." by V. F. Angelday

 

Thanks for this, Awakened777

My new mantra...

I've had many mantras over the last few years, but this one is powerful and all-encompassing. It comes via Brian Johnson's Philosopher's Notes on The Power of Intention:

"I am creativity, kindness, love, beauty, expansion, unlimited abundance and receptivity."

Some of my friends and coworkers think I'm a little kooky when I adopt a new mantra. I print it on business cards and carry one with me at all times. I have one in my car, taped to the dashboard, I tape it to the back of my hospital ID badge. I carry one in my pocket and every time I touch it, I repeat it. I tape one to the refrigerator. I tape one to the back of my cell phone.

OCD? Perhaps. But it works. The more you see it, the more you say it and it actually gets hardwired into your brain and your way of thinking. IT WORKS!

What's your mantra? Check out the "Wisdom Quotes" category. Check out Philosopher's Notes (I've been following this guy since his two previous businesses!). When a little piece of wisdom resonates with you, adopt it. Go OCD with it! And sit back and watch how your life will change!

Namaste

Is this a gospel song? Halo.

Halo - Beyonce

Lyrics:

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
Woah...

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo)

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

I just had a neat idea. What if, instead of greeting someone with "hello" you greet them with "halo"? It has the potential to instantly remind you, and connect you with, that person's Divinity!

Connecting to Intention: and looking back at how I DID!

I just had to go and pop in the video of The Power of Intention. I just HAD to!!

Dyer's Dozen for connecting with Intention:

1. Want more for others than you want for yourself.

-- I don't care about the $$ from my ex. It will still drive me nuts, but he doesn't need the stress of me. He's basically a good guy who needs his form of peace. So I'm letting it go.

2. Think from the 'end'. Begin to see yourself surrounded by the people, and the events, that you want.

I think I 'intended' my way to this point in my life. I can look back and finally see where all the pieces fit! I was just gathering the pieces - until NOW.

3. To be an appreciator in your life. Not de-preciator - increase your value. And what could be more valuable than connecting to Source?

Holy fucking WOW! WoW! This whole weekend has been about my connection to Source - to God.

4. Stay in rapport with Source energy. Stay in harmony with it.

I don't think I have much choice in this one - I intend it all the time.

5. Understand resistance. Every thought that you have that is outside of 'that which you emanated from' is resistance. Every unkind thought, every uncreative thought, every thought of fear - all resistance.

I'm pretty much done with resistance. Put a fork in it already!

6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by the conditions that you want to produce.

Looking back, I think I intended this very moment. I intended to move to the next level on my journey and I am surrounded with opportunities!

7. Understand the art of allowing - taking the path of least resistance.

I'm not sure I've got the hang of this one yet - LMAO! But I'm a ENTJ Goat! But it's all good because God knows that every so often Christine needs a 2x4 whack over the head with Synchronicity to get her attention!

Ok, Wayne just said to ask yourself if you're pulling energy away from Source or are you filters and doors? HELLO! I'm a succubus, remember! I'm pulling all the eenergy I can from Source! And Source keeps giving me more! How much fun is that!!??!!

8. Practice radical humility.

Working on this one. At this stage, I'm still in awe of ME. But as Emerson, it's the ego of the individual that accomplishes great things! Mary says, my tunnel vision is not a bad thing. I'm so focused on my journey for a reason! The more I focus, the faster I run. The faster I run, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more my Soul evolves. And more that happens, the more I can TEACH! But enough justification - I'm workin' on it!

9. Be in a constant state of Gratitude. For everything that shows up! And what could be more generous than that which has allowed you to come from Infinite Source, to this material world, and back again?

This gets better every day. I gives thanks for the beauty of my experience all the time. It's become a total mindset for me. Authentic gratitude is second-nature to me now. And THANK GOD for that! I think that if there is "one" of these 12 Dyer'isms that can instantly change your life, it would be this one.

10. Do not resolve a problem by condemning it.

I cannot shame myself into quitting the bad habits I have. I'm workin' on it.

11. Play the match game. Always ask yourself if you're matched up with the field of Intention. 

I haven't quite got the frequency I'd like to have!

12. Meditate. Make it a practice in your life.

A lot of lessons come back to this one for me. I have to find alternative ways to connect.. My version of mindful meditating can be exhausting but exhilarating too. But I haven't learned my lessons by being quiet. Who knows what wisdom awaits? But for me to slow down enough to get truly quiet, which I know I should do, I need a mentor. Or something to turn off my brain. There are only a few things that do. 

Wayne says everything comes in dichotomies - black/white, male/female, up/down, alive/dead, etc. What's the only thing that cannot be divided? Source. And silence. Divide silence, you have more silence. I need to go there. So it is.

My Dyer wisdom: "happiness is something you decide on ahead-of-time." And "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

"If you knew who walked beside you at all times on this path that YOU have chosen, it would be impossible to ever experience doubt or fear again." - A Course in Miracles.

And I will end there. Namaste.

 

 

Full circle.

This is HUGE!

I actually just finished a rough draft, stream-of-consciousness-letter to Dr. Wayne Dyer. My first, best teacher. I've been meaning to write it for 4 years and it was never the right time. With all the changes that have been occurring over the last 2 months, I guess it is finally the right time. I believe I am ready for whatever the next step is.

And the connection to Dr. Dyer was always there - he was the original catalyst on my journey. But, I'm only just now, right now, able to look back over the last 4 years and see how all the wisdom I have now was presented to me back then. But it wasn't the right time. I'm looking back (with full detail, thanks to my funky memory!) and really absorbingthe wisdom, whereas back then, I just read about the wisdom.

So, full circle. I feel like the last 4 years has been one big rubber-band. I slingshot from Soul to Soul, absorbing wisdom. Some I pass but then I fling around again. And it's those Souls that I seem to be learning the most from.

NOT from what they are doing right now, but what they've said or done in my recent past! Isn't that cool shit? God gives us opportunities to learn from people all the time. (Ask an elderly person to tell you something wise!) In my case, I feel like I am being given multiple passes at the same opportunities. Because all of the wisdom was already there (thank God I anally save emails:-)),  it just was not the right time.

___ Just did a Spirit Guide reading (Sonia Choqette was another transitory teacher.) and pulled "New Life - Divine Mother"...

"The wishes, dreams and desires you've carried in your heart are now gestating in the Divine womb and are coming into fruition. Whatever you seek to create, it's happening. The song in your heart will find its voice (WOW!); the poetry will be expressed. Even your professional goals will find a home in which to grow. The Divine Mother, the fertile aspect of the Divine feminine, is gracing your life (GRACE?) right now; and with her influence, your artistic and creative expression comes alive. She's here to loosen things up and get your creative juices flowing (juices - wink). Surrender your mind and and allow your soul to come alive in her embrace (Embrace your Grace?). She is with you, and her influence is powerful. Her message: 'New life is on its way.'"

Ok, so pretty appropriate - it is my energy that pulled that card.So the title "Full Circle" takes on a new purpose. I started this 3 day stream with the TV show Saving Grace. And I'm able to see how everything tied together to get the message from the Divine.

I'll end with this quote (Thx, Brian Johnson!): "Finding the center of strength within ourselves is, in the long run, the best contribution we can make to our fellow men." ~ Rollo May.

Amazing!

If you read yesterday's posts, you'll know the questions I threw out at the Universe. Today, I'm being led to the answers.

I want to teach? Get my wisdom out but don't know how? I've been writing so much here lately and I was tinkering with the settings and I clicked on something random and ended up at the FeedBurner site. It is broadcasting your blog! How to incorporate video podcasts into your blog... that's exactly what I suggested to Mary yesterday! More research needed!

Perhaps there's another lesson here as well. I keep trying to reach "OUT" to find people who can help me achieve the great things I feel are within me. And I'm discovering that those 'relationships' are very transitory in nature. There are definitely some keepers in the bunch though!

I think what I actually need to do, and it was yesterday's BIG lesson - trust what is happening. Today I was led to a site that can help me get my message out. I don't need to look to an outside person to help me, I simply have to look "WITHIN".For that is where the wisdom is and that is where my connection with God lies.

I truly believe that I was given this ENTJ personality just get over all the hurdles in my path! I am going to research how much FeedBurner costs - and then have Faith that I can afford it :-) 

Wisdom from a virtual stranger..

Added a new friend on Facebook just now. High school, but he graduated in '84 not '85. On his profile, he said this recently:

"if you look good, you feel good. if you feel good, you play good. if you play good enough, you make a lot of money."

Cool!

Quote from Saving Grace

Grace says, "I wanna bust the world wide open. The way you do when you're filled with YOU. I wanna engage with people, and fellow cops. I wanna be physical and I also want to ask the big questions. I wanna taste the tastes and fix the problems. I wanna run headlong into chaos and bad guys and darkness and pranks and fun and laugh, laugh, laugh. I want to be the best friend, and the greatest aunt and the most and the most complicated daughter. I want to be the 'mystery' in the room and I want to be known. Embrace your Grace!"

I found that profoundly meaningful. Now that's PASSION! Kudos to the writers of this show! And the advertising people who thought of that speech as an advertisement! It's brilliant!

Earl said, "Faith is the ticket to freedom."

And Tantra guy said, "for it is the ego of the individual that makes great change in this world."

I love this show!

Emerson quotes:

Well, at least the ones that resonate with me at this moment. I'm mindfully meditating again and I was led to Emerson. So let's see what kind of wisdom I can glean from these quotes!

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen." 

I'm working on this one (trust), very actively, though.

" A friend is one before whom I may think aloud."

Again, very thankful to have Mary in my life! I needed to surround myself with like-minded people that "get" me.

"All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason."

Love that metaphor! I needed to hear this as I'm sitting here wondering which direction I'm supposed to go in. I know certain things by instinct, and I have to trust that it is the way I'm supposed to go.

I feel like if I don't teach, I will shrivel up and cease to be alive. And I mean metaphorically speaking as well. I'm so freakin' "alive" right now, it's approaching uncontrollable! I feel as if I have all this knowledge, all the common sense wisdom and I need to GET IT OUT! I need people in my life who can help me do that! Of course, my problem is with the waiting game. And thus the original Emerson quote that brought on this particular stream-of-consciousness:

"How much of human life is lost in waiting?"

So there! I don't feel so bad about wanting it NOW! And it fits with my ENTJ (The General) personality! I make up my mind that something needs to be done and I get it done. And I don't want to wait!

On that note, I went to go read an old email to the pen pal from 2005. I didn't find what I was looking for, but I found this:

"I made up my mind to STOP questioning and just accept the mystery. I decided that I was going to have faith and create the life I wanted."

I guess God thought I needed a reminder - LOL. I just have to laugh at how spot-on the instantaneous wisdom is! So, FINE! I'll stop pursuing my path at lightening speed and decrease it to a quick sprint - LOL!

And also contained in this letter was the story of how I 'ran' into Dr. Wayne Dyer by accident. And his message made complete sense to me and it was the catalyst that I needed to start this wonderful journey!

Ok, a few more of my favorite Emerson quotes:

"Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet."

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail"

"God enters by a private door into every individual."

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

And the grand-daddy of them all:

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is heard by him alone."

Mine's not a whisper though - it's an ear-piercing scream that I MUST teach. Intuitive Sonya Choquette told me that years ago and I didn't know WTF she was talking about. I've come a long way in 5 years!

Bring it on!

Holy crap, I've got homework to do!

And not for school. I was reading over at the Saving Grace blog and was led to research something a poster said. She said, "I thought this episode was fantastic. Her definition of sex was right on the money. I think it is a sacred union of the feminine and masculine divine when done right and brings a couple to the moment of creation. It is the Great Work, the heiros gamos, all of that."

I had to go Wikipedia "The Great Work". And I was led right back to where I was on my journey. More energy, more answers:

The Great Work (Latin: Magnum opus) is a term which originated in medieval European alchemywhich refers to the successful completion of the transmutation of base matter into goldor the creation of the philosopher's stone. It has subsequently been used as a metaphor for spiritual transformation in the Hermetic tradition. It has three stages:^[4]

• nigredo(-putrefactio), blackening(-putrefaction): individuation, purification, burnout of impureness; see also Suns in alchemy - Sol Niger
• albedo, whitening: spiritualisation, enlightenment
• rubedo, reddening: unification of man with god, unification of the limited with the unlimited.

So there's that "Individuation" thing again. I have to really study this to understand the stages I've been through and where I'm at now. All I can say about all the stages? Fuckin' WOW!

Earl had a great speech about The Infinite. Infinity has always been in my life - the symbol that is, the Lemniscate (I know that word because of another Angel - a story some other time). It's on the front page of this place; I wear a diamond lemniscate around my neck and never take it off. Flashback to high school: 9th grade English class with Mrs. Bangeter. The pen pal saw me doodling this sign-kind-of-a-thing (he sat behind me). He said he had a book on symbols and could tell me what they meant. (See why I crushed on him?) I told him I didn't know why I drew it, or chose those two, it just resonates with me. The two symbols? The lemnicate with a cross through the middle. My next piece of jewelry perhaps (I need a sugardaddy LMAO!).

So, like I said The Infinite has always been a part of my life, my psyche, my spirit. And I didn't believe the psychic lady at my birth mother's funeral who told me I was extremely religious - only she should have used the word 'spiritual' instead.

I truly believe that you can commune with God and "communicate". I always say, 'you have to ask the right questions' and have honest motivation to know the answers.

Back to the Universe...

I needed to relax so I opened myself up to vibrations this morning after work. The last 2 weeks, I've been constipated - spiritually, that is. I didn't go out with the girls last weekend and I'm thinking I probably should have - I should have been "bad".

I've finally acknowledged that my sexuality is one facet of my personality that needs to stay satisfied if I am to maintain being a complete happy person. I've had a 2 week dry spell in that area.

I was having a bit of online, innocent fun with the pen pal but that seems to have fizzled. I tried, and I'll wait (never patiently!), but in the meantime, I'M NOT HAVING ANY FUN, DAMMIT!! So... I got contipated.

Add hormones to that and you've got a lot of room for negative energy to enter! And the kids - no the youngest - God grant me patience! And work - and school starting and money and the business - CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!

I called my girlfriend and told her we HAVE to go out next weekend! And then, I sat down to watch this week's episode of Saving Grace.

It was all about Tantric Sex and open relationships. Very interesting - of course, there's a murder to be solved as well! So, Grace is studying up on Tantra and in pops her Angel "Earl". I'm going to try to quote his words as he is talking about Tantra, Hinduism and religion in general. It was awesome. And contained in it was my Angel's message for me concerning my sexuality. Just simple confirmation about the thoughts that were in my head. Energy attracting energy.

I just went to see if I could find the quotes in text and found this instead (about the show when it first came out and about the character of Grace):

"She's a whole person," Hunter said. "So in thinking about someone's sexuality, it's an integral part of who they are every day, every month, every year of their lives, and this is an integral part of the exploration that we're making of Grace."

BAM! Could it get any more obvious?

So, on to the "It's NOT wrong" topic...I have learned so much from this TV show! I was even just reminded that I'm a member at a blog called "Embrace your Grace" - and boy does that not tell me something! I need to embrace the parts of me that get me closer to God. Period.

Here's the episode in a nutshell (from the blog):

The Eastern tradition of Tantra helped shape this episode. When Grace meets William Drugh, the architect who incorporates Tantra principles into his life, Grace is immediately intrigued, inciting her to reflect on her own sexuality.

Inevitably, Grace ends up in a discussion with Earl about sex where she poetically explains sex is about sharing and coming alive—a creation between your partner and you. Rather than being judgmental and possibly surprising to some of you, Earl declares Grace’s description to be beautiful. “Maybe even what God had in mind when he created Adam and Eve.” Earl goes on to tell Grace, “God made you to search for the ones who lean into the table. The live ones. He gave you a big appetite girl. And sent me along to mix up the menu.” Earl’s conversation with Grace demonstrates how Grace and Earl’s relationship is evolving. He’s not condemning Grace for her voracious sexual appetite, but rather serving as her guide in this crazy human existence. What are your thoughts about where Grace and Earl’s relationship is headed? Do you prefer it when Earl appears to be more judgmental of Grace?

WOW! Can the Universe now send me one of those "LIVE" ones???? Or a few - wink, wink???? I am SO going out next weekend!!

And finally, what Earl says about sex and religion:

Grace asks him how he feels about sex. He says, "Well, I think it's a sacred gift. Grace says, "the Catholic church says that you can only open it to make babies." Earl says, "Not true. Lotta hogwash out there about sex and religion. Not one major religion thinks sex is bad. But some Eastern beliefs view sex as a way of getting closer to the Divine." He asks Grace what she thinks about sex:

Grace answers, "You're alive! You feel your blood get hot, everything gets hot and you come alive. And you share that - you give that to your partner and you receive it and FEEL it. And this moment is a creation between the two of you."

 Earl thought that was beautiful. So do I. Earl says, "maybe THAT's what God had in mind when he made Adam and Eve." 

Sex is a great way to get closer to God - I just need to find one of those damn "LIVE" ones! I am SO going out this weekend!

____Time out on the stream of consciousness____

 

I must have needed more wisdom, because there was a plaque on the wall of the massage room in the TV show (I finally made it back to watch it). The plaque said, "the Individual IS God".

I have fully embraced my weirdness and uniqueness but I still spend time trying to find others like me. The current lesson is not only to celebrate the weirdness, but celebrate every single aspect of it!

Cleaning house...

I only have 2 weeks off school and a lot of projects to complete. This wasn't necessarily on my 'To-Do' list but a distraction led me to do and I'm very glad I did.

I began with cleaning my Yahoo Messenger contacts. People I haven't chatted with in a long time (years for some) - gone. Next I moved onto my email address books. Gave them a good cleaning. Next were my email folders.

I'm an organization freak so every person that I've ever had multiple emails with has their own folder with all correspondence. If it's in my regular email, I forward it to my Yahoo Mail so I know it will always be there - anal? YES! So, I started with Yahoo folders.

I completely got rid of one folder that had over 15 letters in it (although I did have to save some of the racier stories we exchanged!). I moved to the next person with no intention of deleting any of them because he is still in  my life though very much on the sideline. I started reading some of our early correspondence.

As he and I were getting to know each other, I had an instant comfort level that allowed us to reveal our deepest thoughts about ourselves and our world. I was amazed to realize that I knew myself pretty well back in 2005 only I just didn't know it. I always seemed to be searching for some elusive 'thing' that would give me great insight into myself.

Have I changed in the last 4 years? YES! But those thoughts and aspects of myself that I revealed back then are still there, I've just become much more comfortable with them and I no longer question them.

No, a person should not spend their present looking into their past, but it is nice to look back and not only see how far you've come but to see that you maybe didn't have that far to go to begin with!

More cleaning tomorrow night at work!

ENTJ - this is interesting...

"Sexually, the ENTJ is robust, imaginative and enthusiastic. Their natural instinct to lead will be apparent in this arena as well as other areas of life, and they will lead their partner on creative lovemaking adventures, where the focus is on mutual learning and affection sharing. They're likely to expect sex on a relatively scheduled basis."

VERY TRUE!! This is one area where my creativity really comes alive and I nurture that, trust me!

Beautiful description of 'change'...

"[Real transformation] must go deeper. Lasting transformation must call forth the image of God latent in each of us, bringing it to incarnation in our lives, giving concrete expression to the absolutely unique and unrepeatable glimmer of divinity that each of us is called to be."

From the penpal a while back. I am actively, and lastingly, transforming as I write this.

So, this whole "change" thing has me thinkin' (uh-oh). A Guide told me recently that a huge change was occurring in my life and I believe that wholeheartedly. I am learning so much about myself and my place in the world. About how I can draw forth what's inside of me to help others. And then I went and found this:

"The individuation process is a term created by the famous psychologist Carl Gustav Jung to describe the process of becoming aware of oneself, of one’s make-up, and the way to discover one’s true, inner self." "The unconscious tries to bring man back into balance." "These unconscious tendencies can be stronger than our conscious, and can even go against our will

I spent years getting to know the why's and where's of all the dirty unconscious damage I had (not even aware that I had been living my entire life unnconsciously), a year making excuses for it,  and then I went looking back to events in my past that affected who I am and what was the lesson I was supposed to learn? It wasn't always a fun or painless process but it had to be done and it was worth it. I think this was the getting to know The Shadow in the Individuation process.

 That was the beginning of the transformation. Because that led to understanding and forgiveness, which then led to a deeper understanding of myself. I realized I had absolutely no reason NOT to have healthy self esteem. From that simple realization, I started to grow by leaps and bounds with occasional stalls. But no more. Because I've developed a much deeper comprehension and appreciation for who I am and what I can offer others to help them.

Going to go research more on the process..